Entries 43

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So I haven’t written in a while. I’m sorry. Life got so out of control. I’m doing a bit better now. Updates: Me and MJ broke up for good. Still friends. I am dating two new girls: Cory and Mag Ye...

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I stayed away from her cause I’m trying to heal but I didn’t want her out of my life. Even after all the shit she did and all the shit I did, I didn’t want her out of my life. I needed a damn bre...

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Well, last night I messaged my friend Jack who has been there a gaming buddy of mine and an all around good friend to me. Anyway, last year, it was that group that I brought together. We used to ...

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I dunno what the hell but we are talking again. She was drunk (no surprise there) when she blocked me and unfriened me. So, updates: We are trying to talk again but she mentions him and I see al...

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Never tell someone they are your other half and then break them into pieces. Let me explain what happened. Cliff notes: I met her when she was with Liam, her abusive ex. She ended up being with m...

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Not only did she lie to me, she is now denying that she lied to me. Okay, so re-cap, MJ, being the little bitch she is, hooked up with Riley. “He’s my bae.. can’t wait to see him omg omg omg” Sa...

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Well, once again back into an argument with MJ. This time over Riley. There will always be that friend that makes me think she wants more with them which makes me think when she is ready, she won...

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Here I am again. Trying to find work has been a nightmare. I need something: -Work from home. -No DRUG TESTS -Flexible hours That’s about it. I found one that looked okay then it hit me with set ...

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So today, MJ invites me back to the whole “come hang out with me and my friends” thing. Which is nice and it made me feel good that she wanted to talk to me or like have me around or whatever. Or...

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Well, today has been nice. Day off and all that. Nice to relax. I did some art for Raf. I am so late with his gift but my whole creative side is asleep or something. I can’t get the creative juic...

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Today has been meh. My friend suggested I start to write down my moods to see if they change a lot or rather to see how they change and where I go. So, I’ll be doing that. I have to do it old sch...

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She’s also different and I do not fit into this little group of hers. It’s like trying to fit a square into a circle. She also is doing the same shit where she could add me to the conversation bu...

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Okay, so, when I do practice with these guys, I feel awkward because I’m Enby and I express myself as male. So these guys do not know that about me. With all the transphobic garbage I have been t...

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So, today I feel really good which is odd for me. It’s a feeling that I do not get very often. I wanna talk about the music I am working on and how I am an awkward person. Alright, so real quick...

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Ok so we left off really shitty. But today, out of the blue, she calls me and I’m happy about it. Like she talked to me about stuff that I won’t talk about here but know that she is struggling. ...

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Okay, so I have been sorta a jerk. Mental illness comes with a lot of hurdles and shit. So, I am trying to understand her a bit better. Which isn’t easy but each day it gets a little easier. I sa...

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I had 200 dollars this weekend cut from us. This fucking SUCKS ass. I needed that money. I fucking needed to save that money. Damn it all to hell. I’m trying to enjoy this free high I got and thi...

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I came to the realization that MJ does really love me. I think I hurt her when I didn’t pay attention to her and if I’m being honest with myself, I only didn’t because she said we weren’t a coupl...

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Today, we had a fight again this morning. She pushed me again. She keeps calling me Liam because I said that she can be mean some times. Its not that she can’t help it but it does hurt me a lot. ...

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I am so fucking confused by her behavior that it is literally driving me insane. I don’t know why I keep going with this. I guess it’s because I’m a fucking masochist. I don’t know. Part of me wa...

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So i get home, I’m in an awesome mood and I chat with her and her friends. Let me explain how we talk. Lately its a new app called HouseParty. Its like Skype sorta. It allows users to make rooms...

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So, me and MJ are talking more. Even did facetime alone together for the first time in a while but she was a little weird. She was cold at times but then warm with me. As if that makes sense. I ...

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I fucked up. Not gonna talk about what I did. I know why she won’t be with me but I can’t do anything. Its not for the reason she gave although it doesn’t help. I just wanna be with her. I just....

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I know she likes her homophobic friend. Great. Cool. No one that thinks like him is a nice guy. Doesn’t correct his friends when they say f*ggot or other slurs. Yes, Prince fucking Charming. I am...

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Yesterday I was in the ER. I had kidney stones and it was hella painful. My dad surprisingly stayed with me and while we fought a few times, he still did what I asked. I had a guy mishandle me. T...

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