So, me and MJ are talking more. Even did facetime alone together for the first time in a while but she was a little weird. She was cold at times but then warm with me. As if that makes sense.
I feel the weight of her stare. I can feel her looking at me. I know she tries to play it off. She does that a lot. Like she will pretend she was looking at someone else but I know damn right she was looking at me. Her smile is so BEAUTIFUL. 😍
Okay. Sorry. 😥
So, I dunno. I went to see my shrink. Discussed everything I did, what she did and all that noise. She listened. Made me realize how confusing this is.
MJ cannot say straight up that she has feelings for me and that they are more intense. This is exactly why she avoids me. She doesn’t want to fall. So now, I think, she treats me kinda shitty because of this. Nothing horrible but its like a little girl with a crush and she tries to get the icky boy away from her cause she doesn’t know how to deal.
She gives me small replies, she tries to ignore me.. but yesterday when I left a few times she would get upset I was leaving. I had to explain to her that it wasn’t personal.
She knows I’m not going anywhere. Its like she wants to ignore it but is failing.
She admitted to me she went on dates which pissed me off cause I asked her out so many times!!
She says she went on dates but isn’t dating anyone. My shrink thinks its easier for her cause then she doesn’t need to get close but still feel wanted or something. As if. She is wanted. By more people than she realizes. Most of her male friends are into her.
-sigh- 😑
I want to be with her more than anything and I know she wants to find love. She already found it in me but she is too scared to move closer.
I hope she can conquer it. Cause even if its not me, she wants to. Its important to her. She needs to have intimacy in order to do it.
Okay, so in other MJ related news:
Shithead, her abusive ex, put out a restraining order against her!! Saying she was a “dangerous person to him”.
She. Is. Not.
HE is the DANGER to HER. Not the other way round. Rapist piece of shit.
I feel bad for his current gf. 😑😑😑
Well, we shall see. I gotta go. Will continue soon.
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