Cross Post in I Never Felt So Low

Never tell someone they are your other half and then break them into pieces.

Let me explain what happened. Cliff notes:

I met her when she was with Liam, her abusive ex. She ended up being with me emotionally and him physically which caused so many issues. Nothing excuses what he did to her. Nothing excuses that. He went far beyond and was such an immature little man child. This new bf is the same thing. Man child with anger issues.

She claims she is doing this because it makes her happy when all she is really doing is using this dude cause he is physically there. He is familiar cause they dated (which he is a winner this one. Dumped her at 2 am through a text).

So what’s my issue?

We dated back in March. For a while. It was from March 28th to about Mid April when she broke down. She wasn’t ready for a relationship. That much was clear. During this time, I was trying my best to save money to go see her. I even had some saved up but she was never sure about having me there. Some times she was but that was later during our “break”.

So when she couldn’t do this, she said “We are on a break” meaning, let me see what I can do. The whole time it was “I’m not ready” but she would flirt and keep romantic relationships with friends. I know there were 2 of them she returned feelings for. One of which she dated back in Feb and didn’t tell me about. And yes, she should have because he was a “mutual friend”. I had to put up with this guy and her relationship to him.

She constantly put him first. Constantly. Why I dealt with it?

“Oh, she has intimacy anxiety and I know what Liam did.. maybe this will get better… she just needs to time”

Fool.

During this time she kept me like her little puppy dog on a leash. She never once told me what she was feeling. I had to find out how deep her feelings were through social media which is shitty. Tell me how you feel. I don’t have many rules but telling me how you feel is one of them.

She broke all of my rules and I kept her there. This pain is on me. I could have ended this but I kept going.

I finally snapped and I told her to get rid of all my letters (which she keeps in a folder marked “I love you” in her room).

She kept everything but slowly after that, it was weird again. We tired to be just friends.

Which, now that I am writing this, I am doubly angry with her because I did not go on dates and I let a few people pass me by for her. I did this cause I had hope I would be with her.

I told her, a few times, we were just friends because we sure as fuck were not a couple. It was a weird we are but we aren’t as everyone knows. She never could commit to me and actually put my name on her profile unless it was a marriage thing which later she tells me was all a joke. She said it wasn’t but then when I told her we were just friends and I put my foot down. She broke off our marriage thing here and then went off to marry her friend and then her ex bf.

She wouldn’t let go tho. Not really. She wanted to keep me on that leash while she fucked around.

Not saying she fucked around literally but her eyes wandered and they were never fully on me.

Nothing lasts with her. Nothing. This new distraction is not going to last. She is with him for all the wrong reasons and she cannot even see it. She is blind.

She could not commit to me. I was even like “We can be poly but you know, I have to be first. I’m your main”. Couldn’t give me that either.

I think she is broken and if she doesn’t get help, she is going to self destruct again. All she is doing now is partying, drinking, smoking weed and maybe having sex cause she can say she didn’t all she wants. Since she lies so much, I dunno if that is true.

I pray she uses that money I raised for her and that Hayden so kindly gave out of her heart. I dunno if I will ever find out if she used that money for the right thing or not.

If we have her in common and you can see this post, do not inform her. I will know it was you and we will not be friends anymore.