Despite It All in I Never Felt So Low

Here I am again.

Trying to find work has been a nightmare.

I need something:

-Work from home.
-No DRUG TESTS
-Flexible hours

That’s about it. I found one that looked okay then it hit me with set schedule and drug test.

Ugh. At this point in my life I am unclear as to where I’m going or where I even will be in a few years. There were so many things I wanted to do.

Ugh.

I spoke to MJ this weekend. We are in a better place. I just miss her a lot. I know its weird. But she’s the one I really want to be with and I really cannot get close to her. I’m so far. It’s so annoying.

I can’t even get a job to be a better man for her cause everything is drug tests or some scam or something I can’t do for whatever reason. Usually a drug test involved. (sigh) Make weed legal you cowards!

MJ is the one person I have to be ready for. I know when she is ready, I’ll be able to be with her but how in the hell am I supposed to do that?

No. Job. No. Money.

I’m stuck.

Even if I could or wanted to, how can I? How can a disabled “American” make it to Canada so he can live with his love? I dunno.

I wanna lay down and cry now.