I had 200 dollars this weekend cut from us. This fucking SUCKS ass. I needed that money. I fucking needed to save that money. Damn it all to hell.
I’m trying to enjoy this free high I got and this just ugh. No bueno. Like we got other dogs, but it ain’t many.
I just need more money. I gotta get things together for myself. And if things with MJ go back towards us being together, I want her to be with the best version of me. She deserves that.
She trusted me with her blog name and I’m so happy. I gave her this blog cause I trust her too. This is just the place i come to talk about stuff. I also try not to hide my feelings from her but she is also good at getting them out of me?
Not in a bad way. In a good way. We might argue or whatever but she always understands where I’m coming from. She always tries to anyway. Maybe not at first lol. Sometimes at first but not always. But she thinks. I know she does. She is so smart.
I know she does things some times that drive me crazy but I always go back to those entries I write and I go to her defense. “You aren’t being fair, DJ” I tell myself.
I think I have been writing in here ever since she told me she loved me and I haven’t had one entry not have her in it.
Feels weird having that. Yeah I like to think I talk about myself. Least I hope I do.
Ugh, maybe I haven’t much. I have been focused on it. I hope not hyper focused tho. #ADHDproblems
I do that with nearly everything.
So, um, life. Life sucks.
I have been having nightmares again. Nearly every night. My depression is ok so far. It was really bad last week. I hope this coming week I can continue to feel like this so I can get shit done.
I hope I can fight the mental so I can fight the physical.
Gotta be gentle with myself too. Over doing it is going to suck. I have both mental and physical illness. Double whammy. Y tho? Couldn’t I have one? Like if I had to have any?
Ugh.
Whatever. Today has been hella stressful. I need. I need so much. I hate being an adult.
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