So i get home, I’m in an awesome mood and I chat with her and her friends.
Let me explain how we talk.
Lately its a new app called HouseParty. Its like Skype sorta. It allows users to make rooms so 2 or more people can facetime.
It has an annoying feature that allows users to LOCK THE FUCKING ROOMS.
So, why am I upset by this?
She does this constantly. Its her locking it too. I know it cause when we in there, she locks it sometimes. I dunno why..
I think this is a way to shut me out. She does it constantly to the point where I wonder why she even told me about it.
Its exhausting!!! I have to legit ask every fucking time. “Unlock the room please”.
Constantly.
She isn’t doing anything with these guys. I doubt it but it still makes my anxiety sky rocket and my paranoia go crazy.
Another thing is:
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She has been cold to me
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You should see our texting. She talks non stop to her friends but I get bare minimum. Its mostly me talking. Deadass. She can say its not true but the proof is in the texts.
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She makes me feel invisible. Her friends fucking talk to me more than she does. When I’m in there, everything is Ethan or Elijah. She NEVER says my fucking name. To the point where I do not even RESPOND TO MY OWN NAME. Especially if DeeJay is there. In fact, that is the only time she says D.J.
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She will deadass ask me if I am okay through text only. Never face to face.
Okay, that was a lot of negative. But yeah.. this is just facts.
I mean, the positives of why I stick around are:
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I can see her
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Hear and see her laugh, smile, etc..
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Her friends are getting better. I have fun with them. For the most part, they make me feel welcomed.. some times 🙃
Today we were alone, me and her. Sorta. She was still on the Ps4, still playing a game with Elijah so she didn’t interact with me.
It was only one thing she directly said to me and that was “What is your deal with Ethan” or something like that.
And I said “hes a cool guy. He makes me laugh”
She just gives me a look like yeah right and said, “you hated him last week.”
I scoffed and said, “People’s opinions can and do change”.
💀😑😑😑😑💀
The rest of the time, I was resting my eyes and she was with Elijah playing the game.
I do not get her!!!
She looks at me when she thinks I’m not looking. She looks at me and there’s sadness behind her eyes.
I don’t know.
I want to be with her more than anything but she doesn’t let me in.
She… stops. My therapist pointed out that when things get too intimate, she stops communication.
Example:
The other night, got into a serious convo.
I asked her if she loved me.. which she said she did. I asked her why she holds me close. I think I wrote about this already but whatever. My memory is shit.
Anyway, last thing was about this guy I met. The last thing she said was to do it for my happiness or something and I said he wasn’t the one I wanted. Implying she is the one I want.
Deadass stopped texting me.
😕😕😕😕😕🤞😑😑🤞🙃🙃🙃
Tonight I’m pretty sure she ditched me cause she couldn’t handle letting me in.
I know she is trying cause if she really wasn’t, she wouldn’t be letting me in a bit. Its just the min she lets me too close.. thats when she pushes away again.
I think they pretended to have app issues to get rid of me. At least that is what it felt like.
I wish she would just be honest with me.
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