J.E. ⋅ 40

“It is sometimes an appropriate response to reality to go insane.”

Philip K. Dick

Entries 1,516

Page 5 of 61

I don’t know what’s wrong. I’m just so fucking bummed out and I have no reason to be. This would be a day where I’d get a bottle of vodka and obliterate myself. But I’ve got a shot of Vivitrol sw...

Just polished off the last two slices of pizza. I’m still a bit hungry. Hip is still meh, but sitting with the heating pad situated on the sore spot. Gamed a few hours, took out one of the lie...

August 25, 2023

6:25 PM in Hello

Been inside my head since yesterday morning. Read some…disheartening information and I’ve been trying to process things. 🔪 ❤️ I have two weeks of group left Need to get on the ball and finish m...

96 F out Real Feel 108 F 2.25 miles walked 4,741 teps taken I’m now kicking back with a Strawberry Banana Bodyarmor superior hydration drink. My shoulders still feel hot and my knees are worn. ...

August 23, 2023

I'm Not Going Back To Sleep in Hello

Woke up with the alarm to check the color code line. No widdle test for be. I canceled yesterday’s appointment with the counselor. I’m just not comfortable talking with a stranger. Was going to...

August 22, 2023

Randoms Or The Men Go First in Hello

Halfway through group one of the other counselors came in and asked for all the guys to come out and the ladies wait in the next room. As soon as I heard that I knew we were getting a widdle tes...

Pretty sure my late night munchies kick in cause I drank at night. Seriously, I just polished off half a bag of Fritos with half a can of nacho cheese sauce. I’ll be feeling this in my gut come...

To all the notes from this mornings entry, thank you. It took a few hours but eventually I felt much better. Group was pretty cool. Self esteem was the topic. Drove mom to check on the insur...

August 21, 2023

Sad Face Emoji in Hello

I feel fucking awful. Currently sitting at group waiting on the counselor to come in. Mowed the yard yesterday in blistering heat and I think it caught up to me. Very tired, eyes bloodshot. Supe...

August 20, 2023

To All My California Peeps in Hello

Take care and be safe. Y’all are in my thoughts. Hurricane Hilary has made landfall.

August 20, 2023

Mag, I Say Magnolia! in Hello

Foghorn Leghorn is on in the background. I’m being lazy today. Friday mom got a new car. Nissan Kicks, with all the futuristic cool stuff. I’ve inherited the old Saturn. Yesterday we did some ret...

As you can see, I’m goofing around with my titles. 🤷‍♂️ I didn’t cook dinner. We ended up at the Chinese buffet. I ate chicken, chicken and more chicken of course with some egg drop soup. Ma ...

My color was called this morning so I got there around 9:15ish for the widdle screening. Yeah, me and about twenty other people. I split fifteen minutes later cause I had to get my Vivitrol sho...

Haven’t even attempted to sleep. Finally, after almost 160 hours, I BEAT ASSASSIN’S CREED ODYSSEY! The LONGEST effin’ playthrough I’ve ever had. Right now I’m downloading the patch updates for...

August 16, 2023

I'm So Tired in Hello

Roughly two hours of sleep. Woke up at five AM and couldn’t get back to sleep. I’m pure zombie today. Part of me wants to take a nap but I know I’ll sleep ALL day and I don’t want that. It does...

August 16, 2023

Much Better in Hello

Thunderstorms last night brought on relief from the heat. Currently it’s 83 out. I went on a two and a half mile walk and was no where near as sweaty as I have been. Plus a nice cool breeze co...

August 15, 2023

1:42 AM AKA Begs N Achin' in Hello

Went for a walk around four this afternoon (it was 95 F out.). My right shin and calf muscle hate me. Spent the better part of an hour gaming with said leg wrapped in the heating pad. I can wa...

August 14, 2023

Just Another Pain In The Ass in Hello

Got to group and apparently EVERYBODY owed over $100. When you owe over that amount you have to sign a contract that you’ll pay X amount every month. Thing is I pay off my balances every Monday...

August 14, 2023

9:21 PM in Hello

Just took my sleeping pills cause I want this day to just be over with already. Feeling super depressed and I don’t know why . Goodnight everyone.

August 13, 2023

Holy Crapola! in Hello

Didn’t realize it till I commented on Reddit. Seven days sober. I’ve got a fire in my belly thanks to that judge.

August 13, 2023

Much Beddah! in Hello

After store brand Tylenol and another two hours of sleep I felt much better. This might sound silly but after going through what I did yesterday and last night without getting fucked up, I am go...

August 12, 2023

I Don't Feel Good in Hello

My whole body is hot to the touch, I’ve got a massive headache and zero energy. My joints ache and I didn’t sleep well last night. Stress? Maybe. Weather? Good possibility. I’ve showered for the...

Not sunburned but have a wicked tan on my back. Been feeling hot all night since my walk. I’m not angry anymore. After isolating myself in my bedroom and gaming for a few hours, sober no less...

Well, I went to court. The first thing the judge told me was, “You’re about to go to jail!” Visibly confused I asked, “Now?” “Not yet but you’re headed there. You failed your last screening for...

August 11, 2023

Updates Will Follow in Hello

8:27 AM Dragged a razor across my head and face, took a nice hot shower with green apple body wash. Now I’m sitting down with an iced coffee and about to have two pieces of bacon and some scramb...

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