Entries 51
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Guess I Am Stupid
Last Sunday, after a night of heavy drinking, I took took the last few shots of vodka, in the morning. I was going to Circle K for a Mt. Dew Icee when I hit someone who ran a red light. I fled t...
Relapse
Last night and tonight. See y’all tomorrow.
FUCK YOU BUDDY!
My brain has been screaming for alcohol most of the day. This shit fucking sucks! Shit fuck cunt cocksucker motherfucker cocksucker (x’s 2) asshole bitch GAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! Someone give me som...
Peggy Sue Got Married
Peacock married trucker. It happened a few days ago. I know I’m not fit for parenting three children little less myself… It still hurts like Hell.
I Wanna Wake Up Without Feeling Sick
But I can’t ‘cause I’m a drug abusing alcoholic… -NOFX I Am An Alcoholic I poised the question in my last entry why oh why do I do this to myself. Actually have been thinking of an answer to that...
Ugh
There is so much yelling in my mind.
The Difference 15 Minutes Makes
I bolted from work at 7:30 instead of 7:45 and didn’t get into one single traffic stall this morning. This will be all over the place so get ready. Where to start? I woke up laying on my side ...
Here We Go Again
So, I got very clingy and now the fwb says we should just go back to sending stupid and silly memes. No hanging. It’s nagging me in my head and I keep beating myself up over it to the point I ca...
Welp
Saw Michelle AND Dr. Gilbert both today. They wanted me to enter an in-patient facility but I refused. I know I know! But money, I’m almost broke. No job. No insurance. I just used the last...
Cuts Deep
After a morning in the hospital I’ve got five staples in my right wrist. I’m in a dark place.
It's Bad Tonight
Got the shakes hadcore right now. Can’t keep my hands still. I’m not drinking this weekend no matter how much my brain protests. I’ve been up for almost 28 hours as the sleeping pills don’t real...
Good Friends And A Bottle Of Pills
Wednesday night at work I got to feeling real low. Loneliness is a killer. I did what I usually do to escape, all night liquor store. Around five AM-ish I knew I wanted sleep. I’ve been havin...
Carousel
I wish I could shut off the circus in my brain so I could finally get some damn sleep… 7:21 AM
Confession UPDATE
I don’t want to quit drinking cause it is the only time I feel good about myself even though it is nothing but self destruction. I’ve been crying since I woke up. I see the psychiatrist, not l...
Snapped
Carved my wrists up again last week. I’ve been seriously depressed for…sometime now. I feel like I’m a lost cause. There are so many things that are bothering me but I can’t talk about it. At...
In The Feels
I slept till about ten PM, got up long enough to make mom and I dinner then dozed back off till about two on the couch. Once I woke up for good I distracted myself with the PS4 for a few hours ti...
I'd Rather Not Admit It
Well over a year ago I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. Was told to read I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me. I did and thought it was psychobabble bullshit. Weeeeell…the more I talk ...
I’ll be the martyr for the hated, the weak, the ugly, the lost… ✊ Rock! ✋ Paper! ✌ Scissors! SHOOT! 🖕 Been getting off at 3 AM this week and will next. I’m pretty sure I have a mandatory Satur...
Truth
Had a legal set back last Friday and spent the night in jail. Been beating myself up ever since. Earlier tonight at work I was in a good mood. Dancing around. Singing to myself at my machine....
Cigarettes And Late Nights
Ugh. My mind is dancing tonight. Was reading annnd the mind started to drift. Got out of bed and turned the tv on. Archer. I could use the laugh. Guy has been drinking daily for a while. Su...
Hrm...
Woke up real early this morning. Been on the couch watching Autopsy on Reelz. Last episode was Chris Farley, this one is about Belushi. Both 33. Both major addicts. Got me thinking about all ...
Drug Strut
Walked out of the psychiatrist’s office with five new prescriptions. She’s keeping me on xanex and upped the dosage.
All My Life, Who Am I?
I left work early last night. I’m just not feeling it anymore. See, you can do as much as you want or as little as you want and it won’t matter. Back in late October I was asked to come in on...
Pills Ahhhh
Written about 6AM this morning. Ended up seeing my regular physician Tuesday before everything shut down for weather. Explained the stress I’ve been under, lack of sleeping and running dangerous...
Musings On The Clock
I’d kill for a fucking drink right now… 5:46 AM Home and feeling better. Dinner then bed.
