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I'm About To Have A Nervous Breakdown

by J.E.

Entries 46

Page 1 of 2

March 12, 2021

Ugh

There is so much yelling in my mind.


I bolted from work at 7:30 instead of 7:45 and didn’t get into one single traffic stall this morning. This will be all over the place so get ready. Where to start? I woke up laying on my side ...


May 10, 2019

Here We Go Again

So, I got very clingy and now the fwb says we should just go back to sending stupid and silly memes. No hanging. It’s nagging me in my head and I keep beating myself up over it to the point I ca...


April 08, 2019

Welp

Saw Michelle AND Dr. Gilbert both today. They wanted me to enter an in-patient facility but I refused. I know I know! But money, I’m almost broke. No job. No insurance. I just used the last...


April 04, 2019

Cuts Deep

After a morning in the hospital I’ve got five staples in my right wrist. I’m in a dark place.


March 15, 2019

It's Bad Tonight

Got the shakes hadcore right now. Can’t keep my hands still. I’m not drinking this weekend no matter how much my brain protests. I’ve been up for almost 28 hours as the sleeping pills don’t real...


Wednesday night at work I got to feeling real low. Loneliness is a killer. I did what I usually do to escape, all night liquor store. Around five AM-ish I knew I wanted sleep. I’ve been havin...


January 23, 2019

Carousel

I wish I could shut off the circus in my brain so I could finally get some damn sleep… 7:21 AM


January 02, 2019

Confession UPDATE

I don’t want to quit drinking cause it is the only time I feel good about myself even though it is nothing but self destruction. I’ve been crying since I woke up. I see the psychiatrist, not l...


October 25, 2018

Snapped

Carved my wrists up again last week. I’ve been seriously depressed for…sometime now. I feel like I’m a lost cause. There are so many things that are bothering me but I can’t talk about it. At...


September 28, 2018

In The Feels

I slept till about ten PM, got up long enough to make mom and I dinner then dozed back off till about two on the couch. Once I woke up for good I distracted myself with the PS4 for a few hours ti...


September 27, 2018

I'd Rather Not Admit It

Well over a year ago I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. Was told to read I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me. I did and thought it was psychobabble bullshit. Weeeeell…the more I talk ...


I’ll be the martyr for the hated, the weak, the ugly, the lost… ✊ Rock! ✋ Paper! ✌ Scissors! SHOOT! 🖕 Been getting off at 3 AM this week and will next. I’m pretty sure I have a mandatory Satur...


May 17, 2018

Truth

Had a legal set back last Friday and spent the night in jail. Been beating myself up ever since. Earlier tonight at work I was in a good mood. Dancing around. Singing to myself at my machine....


February 22, 2018

Cigarettes And Late Nights

Ugh. My mind is dancing tonight. Was reading annnd the mind started to drift. Got out of bed and turned the tv on. Archer. I could use the laugh. Guy has been drinking daily for a while. Su...


February 11, 2018

Hrm...

Woke up real early this morning. Been on the couch watching Autopsy on Reelz. Last episode was Chris Farley, this one is about Belushi. Both 33. Both major addicts. Got me thinking about all ...


January 29, 2018

Drug Strut

Walked out of the psychiatrist’s office with five new prescriptions. She’s keeping me on xanex and upped the dosage.


January 23, 2018

All My Life, Who Am I?

I left work early last night. I’m just not feeling it anymore. See, you can do as much as you want or as little as you want and it won’t matter. Back in late October I was asked to come in on...


January 20, 2018

Pills Ahhhh

Written about 6AM this morning. Ended up seeing my regular physician Tuesday before everything shut down for weather. Explained the stress I’ve been under, lack of sleeping and running dangerous...


August 30, 2017

Musings On The Clock

I’d kill for a fucking drink right now… 5:46 AM Home and feeling better. Dinner then bed.


July 14, 2017

!Ssabmud

I’ve got a sinking feeling my court case is lost. M said she could write a letter about my mental health and how she hs seen me during my sobriety, a year and a half gap, then after my relapse r...


May 31, 2017

Untitled United

I’m feeling really alone right now. Laying in bed awake at 3:50 AM. Think I’ll hit the pipe and game till five or six. Distraction is key. I’m not sure what brought this feeling on but I loat...


May 16, 2017

Stress

Back in February I drank and got into an auto accident. I know. It was stupid. No one hurt except me. Busted my face up pretty good. I’m facing my second DUI charge. Have got a lawyer to hel...


January 31, 2017

Make The Bad Bad Go Way Way

She hasn’t changed other than working private practice now instead of state run facility. We talked about my relapse, slip into hard drugs and overall self destructive behavior. I thanked her f...


Life is always boring and mundane when I think to come here and write…or consider writing. At work my mind is a swirl of things I want to talk about. Then I think of here and…like hitting a se...


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