Entries 99
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Why!
I’ve gotten 2 hours of sleep the last.two nights. I dont understand. What the fuck have I done so wrong? How can you not see you are about to ruin everyone’s life. 15 years invested, just go...
Anger
She came home today. Today was hell.i had to wait forever for her to get home. She kept me at a distance. She was acting weird. I had the house cleaner than it has been in a long time. I wa...
Fear
Tonight is night 2 of my struggle. After so much progress and things were going so well, we have a test. She’s out of town for work and my.mind wont freaking stop. What about Covid, the other ...
Father's Day
I sit here today thankful I’m able to spend the day with my children. One of the great mysteries of life is how to be a great dad. My dad was effectively absent since I was about 2.5 years old...
Drinking alone
Just FYI the title is a Carrie Underwood song that is pretty good. But anyhoo it a bourbon night. You will come to learn that means I’ve had a couple drinks and my inhibitions are lowered an...
Healing
Things have been going well. We are spending time together and I feel we are growing closer. There are still things that bother me, but I am trying to work through it. I’m hopeful that time wi...
Lessons
So, things have turned around dramatically. Last night she said she had no desire to leave at all. We have found a good stride together. Yesterday, as we were driving, I was looking at the wo...
Fireworks
My internet went down.....it’s been a frustrating few days trying to get it sorted out. Well, at least I’m finally able to reach my outlet. Yesterday, I was at work when she text me. She said ...
Processing
I’ve been thinking a lot today. Trying to understand why I’m craving intimacy so deeply. Maybe I’m just craving that deeper connection? Maybe I still insecure and I feel that would fill my he...
Just Thoughts
Last night we had more real talk. She was a bit angry at times, sad at others. The last couple of days has been nice. We are spending time together. She seems to actually want to be around m...
Breakthrough
Progress, sweet progress! Yesterday when I got home, she was sitting on our front porch. I knew that was a really good sign or really bad. It turns out it was really good. I had stopped by he...
Better
Today I’m stressed, but thankfully it’s only from the pile of work I have to complete. I feel like I am seeing the light of a bright future. This morning came early and we got up and did our...
Monday
I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned how much I hate Monday’s. Today wasnt necessarily a bad day. It’s just we are so crazy at work. I’m super green and honestly way over my head. Combine that with...
Better
She went out shopping today. Came home.and wanted to spend time with me. This made me happy. We hugged again. Again, it was a long hug. It felt as if the world disappeared. I asked her h...
Thoughts
I sometimes wonder if I’m the only person that never stops thinking. Like seriously., am I crazy for continually reflecting and taking in information. I am finding myself wanting to put my thou...
Feelings
So, last night it happened. She shared her thoughts and feelings. I tried to listen with the intent to understand and let her share. As I reflect on it, I see there are plenty of things I could...
Touch
Today is the first morning I’ve woken up refreshed in what feels like months. Yesterday was a good day. I text her on my way home with my usual I love you and I can’t wait to see you. But, thi...
Morning
Another day another random 3 am wake up. I’m not sure why, but I just couldn’t go back to sleep. I could only think of wanting to slide over in the bed and wrap her in my arms. But, I can’t do...
Insight
Today I had important meeting at work. It was my first meeting where I was the lead Project Manager. It went well, but that’s not the biggest news of the day. I had a 3.5 hour drive to get ...
Fear
Tonight I struggled to get to sleep. My stomach in knots. My thoughts all over the place. My emotions swing from sadness, to loneliness, to anger, to fear. I just want to understand. I want t...
Blah
I made it through another day. All day long she was on my mind. Everything makes me think about the nightmare I’m living. I want out. I want to stop. I constantly just want the opportunity t...
Hope
Last night we talked. I’m trying to keep the conversations short and allow her room to think. She says she is struggling with the idea of it being too late. This is tough for me to grasp. We ...
Unsaid thoughts
As I look into her eyes I can see the wheels turning. The look of being torn. I just wish she would let me in there. Let me know what she’s thinking. I want to know how she’s feeling. I want...
Last night
Last night I woke up 3 times. Each time longing to reach over and just touch her. I kay have been able to do it, but she has asked for space. Space....space for what? How did we get here? It...
Book Description
Trying to hold on
