Fireworks in First entry

My internet went down.....it’s been a frustrating few days trying to get it sorted out. Well, at least I’m finally able to reach my outlet.

Yesterday, I was at work when she text me. She said “Thank you for not giving up on me. I do love you too and am very thankful for you.” It struck me odd, but I was thankful that it seemed she had started to see that there’s a path to a healthy relationship. The truth is, she is my world. I would fight to the end of the Earth for her. Grace can cover the short comings. God has bound us together and it’s my responsibility to step up and lead. More to follow on that.

So, I get home that day. She is upstairs working. Rather than running up to see her. I change and fold the laundry that’s on our bed. I’ve finally broken the need to have to run to her. Then I go to check on the pool. When I come back in, she is down stairs. She comes to me and hugs me. It’s one of the hugs that makes the world disappear. She kisses me. This kiss was different, it had passion. We kissed and hugged for a couple of minutes. After this I went to put away the laundry and she came in to our room. I was still processing everything. What had changed? I wasn’t sure, but I sure felt something was different. We kissed more. It was like this was our first kiss all over again. It led to locking the door and slow passionate sex. I wanted to remember the moment. I wanted to take it slow and make sure it was what she wanted. Again, it was different.

Today, we want on a date. Surprisingly we were able to get a last minute sitter. We went out and had sushi and walked around a college campus. Normally I would have dreaded walking around. but this time was different. We looked at the buildings, talked about the people and I shared how this was a place I always dreamed of going to. It was different. It was what I realize we have been missing.

6 weeks, that’s what it’s been since she told me she had been looking at houses and wanted a divorce. 6 agonizing week. In that time I’ve had to do a lot of soul searching and research. I’ve had to look at what I want, who i want to be and decide on where my priorities are going to lie. I still stand by the belief, if she decides to leave tomorrow, I will continue to improve myself and be the best me that’s possible. I will be sad. I may even go a little crazy again, but now, I’m changing for me, not to try to keep her here. It still breaks my heart to think of life without her, but her decision to stay or go isn’t my choice to make. I can only be the best me that’s possible. If she goes, I can only hope she finds what she’s looking for and God places the right person in my path. Let’s hope it never comes to that.

I still have a lot of hurt that has to heal and so does she. I believe we are on the right path and God has provided the vision to properly lead our family. We are finally on a good path and Lord willing, we can build on what we have started.

Tomorrow is another adventure. Who knows what tomorrow holds? For now, I will only fight for our future. She appears to be open to an idea of s future.