Drinking alone in First entry

Just FYI the title is a Carrie Underwood song that is pretty good. But anyhoo it a bourbon night. You will come to learn that means I’ve had a couple drinks and my inhibitions are lowered and I’m more deliberate with my wording.

Let me start with my morning. I woke up and I work her up. She had asked me to, but when I did she was not happy. She blamed me for her having to get up early. It resulted in a fight of her storming off because she felt she had to get up and O thought I was trying to follow her wishes. For whatever reason she had a difficult time going to sleep. Meaning, I dont know the exact reason. She was angry I woke her up. I just want to start my day with the Bible and herm. I don’t need to talk, but I do want to start my day with her.

This afternoon I come home. My project has started nearly 200k in the hole. Meaning it was signed with our company nearly 200k in losses in revenue. I’m trying to mitigate 5hat as much as possible. We talk over bourbon and Kaluah, but I realize I’m doing most of the talking which I realize is problematic. We discussed the events of the morning and I explain my perspective. She agrees, but I don’t like it. I wish I could have understand what she was thinking. Instead I guessed at her feelings. I still have a ways to go to enlightenment and open communication. She said she agreed, but it felt cheap. I want her to take charge of the conversations and I stop to open it up, but still she has nothing. Maybe we are doomed, but I hold onto hope.

Hope, that she will step out on a ledge, and be willing to open up. I believe that eventually she will be willing to expose herself to the damage of being 100% honest and real. I am not here to judge her or place blame. I just want openness. Hopefully we get there. The reality is that the truth lies between my perception and her perception. At least, that’s what I tell myself.

Hopefully tomorrow bring enlightenment, that’s what I pray for. How do I lead the unwilling. How can I provide her room to grow while I influence the positive?