Morning in First entry
- June 4, 2020, 11:15 a.m.
- |
- Public
Another day another random 3 am wake up. I’m not sure why, but I just couldn’t go back to sleep. I could only think of wanting to slide over in the bed and wrap her in my arms. But, I can’t do that. I’m finally ok with giving her space. She isn’t ready for that.
The analogy that drove this concept home had to do with a house. It goes, you have a house and your wife doesn’t want to be in that house, she would rather stand in the cold. There are a couple different approaches you can take to get her back inside. You can try to grab her and force her inside. You may be able to get here there, but she’s going to look for an escape every chance she can get. Not to mention it’s not going to be pleasant for anyone. It will never be home. The other option is to open the door, invite her in and make the inside of your home as safe and comfortable as possible. It makes a lot of sense, but the heart wants what the heart wants and controlling that is challenging, but I feel good so far. I still have some very strong insecurities. I want it finished or at least the path paved. I feel we have started down the path. It’s just a long walk to healing. We both have scars that will need to be healed.
I can tell she is still afraid. I dont blame her. My reflection has shown me that I didn’t handled this whole issue incorrectly. I wish I could make her feel my heart. Provide her the understanding and let her see what I see for our future. There’s so much I want to say to her.
This morning as she got out of bed and come to sit with me to read our Bibles and drink our morning coffee, I looked at her and saw something I haven’t seen in a while. She was absolutely beautiful. Like something you hear about in songs. No makeup, messy hair, but I thought she was absolutely beautiful.
I hope the remainder of the day goes well for the both of us. Time to set out.
Deleted user ⋅ June 04, 2020
Good luck!