Unsaid thoughts in First entry
- May 31, 2020, 12:26 p.m.
- |
- Public
As I look into her eyes I can see the wheels turning. The look of being torn. I just wish she would let me in there. Let me know what she’s thinking. I want to know how she’s feeling. I want her to understand that this can work.
There’s so much I want to understand and hear. So many things I want to say, but when I ask her what she’s thinking, all she says is nothing. I know it’s a lie.
I hold so much back with the hope that giving her the space she needs will help her to realize she’s making the biggest mistake of her life. The sad thing is is there’s no upside for anyone. Not her, not I, not even our two children.
She’s still here which give me hope that we will make it through this. The pain I feel is so strong. I just want to hold her and tell her I love her. I want her to feel my heart beating for her.
I have been doing research and I believe she is essentially in a midlife crisis. I believe her hormones are imbalanced and she is not thinking rationally. I know there’s nothing I can do at this point, but love her and hole on. The question i ask myself daily is how much pain can i take? How long can i hold on without encouragement. My Heart breaks every time I look at her.
I just want to look at her and tell her I’ll love her until the day I die. I think she’s absolutely beautiful. I want to protect and provide for her. I want to hold her when she is sad. I want to carry her when she feels she can’t go on. I’m far from a perfect man and I’ve made my mistakes and I haven’t been the perfect husband, but I can say I love her. I accept her even with her flaws and I truly believe we could live eternity happily even after.
Deleted user ⋅ May 31, 2020
::hugs::