Hope in First entry

Last night we talked. I’m trying to keep the conversations short and allow her room to think. She says she is struggling with the idea of it being too late. This is tough for me to grasp. We have to ability to reflect and see what we did to get here. We werent communicating. We had issues that weren’t spoken. We can fix it and everyone can be happy. She still has the feelings and that is what gives me hope. I pray that grace abounds and over comes.

I struggle internally with my desire to touch her and hold her and her need for space. I know I have to hold back, but inside I feel so empty not being able to. I long for that connection. I’m seeing more that this is less of an issue about me and more of her struggle. The problem is that doesn’t stop the hurt. I just imagine coming home to an empty house without her, without my kids…my heart breaks. I’m not foolish enough to believe that it would be impossible to find someone else. I just dont want someone else. This isn’t fair. Its not how it’s supposed to be. I think of all the pieces of shit that don’t treat their significant others with love and it breaks my heart. The feeling of knowing that no matter how hard I try, it’s not good enough....the more I think about it, the more my heart breaks. I just hope that we reach a point soon to where we can start seeing the light. Right now, it’s dark....so dark…my heart breaks.