Anger in First entry

She came home today. Today was hell.i had to wait forever for her to get home. She kept me at a distance. She was acting weird. I had the house cleaner than it has been in a long time. I was so excited, but my gut wasn’t sitting right. I asked her if she was ok. She said she thought about it and she wants to move forward with the divorce. I took it decently, but now I sit here so angry. She is going to fuck up 3 other lives so she can chase something when she doesn’t know what the fuck she is looking for. It’s the single biggest mistake she could make. I am trying to make sense of it. I want to know why when I read messages she sent me, she wasn’t wanting divorce. She loved me. She wanted me. I’m angry at this point. I’m angry because I don’t think she realizes what she is going to do to me or the kids. They are going to be heart broken. They won’t understand. WHY!! Fucking get your shit together. If you go who is there when you get into a jam at work? Who runs your feet when they hurt? Who reassures our kids when they are scared? We can work it out!!! Dont make a permanent decision on a whim. I’ve been loyal. We can fix it......I feel so broken. I’m alone, unloved, hopeless.....Even writing this seems pointless. I feel like I am going between anger and hopelessness. It was going so well. Why…Don’t give up on me. Hopeless.