Monday in First entry

I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned how much I hate Monday’s. Today wasnt necessarily a bad day. It’s just we are so crazy at work. I’m super green and honestly way over my head. Combine that with my crazy emotional roller coaster and I get a bit overwhelmed sometimes.

All day I’m working to get this project off the ground and the only place I want to be is at home with my family. Despite how much I’m doing I’ll always seem to be thinking. I mean always going. Is that normal? Watching tv and I’m watching it, but my inner dialogue starts. Nonstop wondering about what the future holds. Wondering what she’s thinking. Wondering how she’s feeling. Just wanting some type of security for the future. I realize I have to keep the thoughts in my head.

I wasn’t always like this. In fact, I was a very secure and confident person. Ive been shaken to my core. I’ve accepted she may ultimately choose to leave. But, I wonder how long I can handle this burden? How long can I go from top of the world to blah. What is she waiting for? Sometimes I feel like a captain of a ship that is navigating in the middle of a storm and I get out of it to only see pure darkness. Sm I headed for the jagged rocks, upon which I will surely be shredded or maybe I’m headed to paradise? It seems.injust have to hold on and wait.

Last updated June 10, 2020