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I’m a classic over-thinker. BIG TIME. I had a dream the other night I was playing poker and I had so many cards in my hands that it was impossible to make any rational decisions on how to play my...

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I just finished the book of that name by David Guterson, and it’s main theme is resonating with me. What is the more noble path in life- to accept the hypocrisy, compromise, and lies we all tell...

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Did life reject me or did I reject life? The blinding brilliance of the world is a mirror to the squalor that resides within my soul. How much longer can I live this cardboard cutout of a life ...

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I can feel myself starting to think more clearly with each passing day. The runaway emotions I sometimes fall prey to have seemed to subside for now, and I’m beginning to get back to thinking lo...

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I’ve been working on this issue for awhile now, and it was at the forefront of my session with Dr. Spencer today. I really got myself stuck in a distorted worldview when I was younger- a worldvi...

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Now that the summer weather has arrived and I’m getting outside and being more active, I’m REALLY feeling the 20 lbs I allowed myself to gain in the past year. I feel heavy and lethargic- like t...

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It is both scary and mind-boggling that we are living in a time where a professional sports league is forcing its players and personnel to stand for the national anthem. And even MORE scarier and...

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Gave a Power Red blood donation today, and by the end of work tonight I was really dragging. I’m O Neg- universal donor- so I try to give blood as much as I can. The minor annoyance of feeling f...

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Thanks to a comment by a fellow PB’er, and the gloriousness of a perfect May day, I bounced back from yesterday’s blah-ness and am in a pretty good frame of mind today. Got the two lawns mowed a...

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So many of my days are spent feeling ghost-like. Am I real? Is reality real? Am I really here? I feel like a visitor from some other plane of existence- an incorporeal wraith drifting thru the ma...

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There is a sickness in the American soul, and it is growing. Another school shooting , and we hear all the same tired arguments from the same tired politicians on both sides of the aisle. We’re s...

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I’m in a good place as I type this. Other than fighting off damn allergies (which seem to have hit me particularly hard this Spring), I’m doing good. I’m in a good spot with babygirl, and I feel...

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I had another of my repressed anger dreams last night. I don’t know what else to call them. In this one, I was SCREAMING at my sister- calling her all kinds of horrible names. Why? I don’t really...

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I find I operate much better when I detach a bit. My intensity and obsessiveness get the best of me if I allow myself to get too overly involved with anyone or anything. I over-think shit to DEAT...

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I’ve reset the long-distance D/s relationship with babygirl after a few weeks of downtime from it. I needed a break to clear my head, and she (once again) graciously allowed me to do so. I had to...

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There is nothing to look back upon. I don’t have many “fond memories”- very few in fact. The past is one giant overflowing shithole. A fucking abyss. It’s embarrassing what a fucked up mess I’...

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There is a definite correlation between my dreams and my mindset as I make my way thru the day upon waking. If I sleep soundly and deeply, with little or no recollection of dreaming, my day goes...

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I’m realizing that stagnation is one of the main drivers of my battles with depression and the anger and frustration I seem to constantly feel. I think I’ve know it for quite awhile, but I’m now ...

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I had another of my intensely vivid dreams last night. I was holding a kitten as I walked around what appeared to be a semi-deserted shopping mall. I think I actually had grabbed this kitten and ...

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I’m starting to notice some nascent stirrings within me. A feeling like maybe I’m not content to be the invisible nonentity I’ve been for so much of my life. That maybe I’d like to turn all th...

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Where else but Upstate NY can you be in a snow advisory one week and a tornado watch the next? Winter morphed into Summer while completely bypassing Spring- and now the windstorm is bringing ba...

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It’s been so long since I’ve though of anything other than just getting thru my days that I’ve lost the skill of goal-setting. Making plans. Having wants and desires. A future. If I don’t want l...

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FINALLY- 86 blessed, sun-soaked degrees. It’s been a long, long winter and spring, and now just maybe- here on May 2- we may have finally turned the corner with our weather. First mow of the year...

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I am a damaged, broken man. I have been cowardly and weak much of my life. I have failed to take sufficient responsibility for myself. I have lacked proper self-vigilance, and as a result I have...

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“An object at rest stays at rest and an object in motion stays in motion....” That basic law of nature certainly applies to me. If I don’t make a conscious effort to keep moving and stay motiv...

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