Redefine22
Entries 81
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Zombieland in 2023
I heard “All You Zombies” by The Hooters earlier today- a blast from the past (mid ’80s?)- and it got me to thinking about how that describes so much of my life up to now. Because of my interpers...
Out of Hibernation in 2023
I’ve got an info session webinar with the director of the UB Rehabilitation Counseling program tonight at 6PM. I’ve procrastinated long enough and now it’s time to kick that process into gear. I...
So Much For That... in 2023
I jinxed myself by commenting in yesterday’s post on how much more settled my dreams have become. Last night- for the first time in I can’t remember how long- I woke myself up screaming “Nooooooo...
The Piano Is In The Room in 2023
My dreams have subsided in intensity and craziness, and I feel like my subconscious is through with the serious digging. In fact, I dreamt the other night that the subterranean chamber that I was...
I feel like I’m at a healthy baseline for maybe the first time in my life. Sometimes it takes a few steps back in order to prepare yourself to move forward, and I feel like that’s what the last f...
Gray Canopy Over The World in 2023
We have entered the part of winter in the Great Northeast where each day is just a continuation of the day before- gray, dark, overcast, and dreary. Fortunately, this winter has been mild as far ...
The Other Side in 2023
I feel like I’ve made it to the other side of a lifetime of depression, anxiety, and feeling completely lost and empty. It’s felt like trying to climb a slippery slope out of the valley of shadow...
Underwater in 2023
I feel like I’m underwater today. Last night, I had one of the most intense nights of dreaming I’ve ever had interrupted by the worst case of cottonmouth I’ve ever experienced. I woke up at 4 A...
Random Thoughts in 2023
Things I’ve heard enough about: Tik Tok, Prince Harry, the Kardashians, “Ye”, anti-vac conspiracy theories, Elon Musk, the price of eggs, George Santos, special counsels, and the 2nd Amendment Th...
Self-Sabotage (Voices) in 2023
As I start climbing again, my biggest obstacle is ME. As much as I have worked to find my authentic self, the voices in my head persist. Voices that have been with me from my earliest memories an...
Latuda Dreams in 2023
One of the big obstacles that I need to overcome as I move forward is learning how to be able to lean into the day after a night of unsettling dreams. Ever since I’ve been on Latuda I’ve had nigh...
After taking some time away from “life “and allowing myself a chance to begin to discover who I am at this point in time, I’m ready to re-enter the orbit of daily living. I’ve done significant wo...
Time Traveler in 2020
One of the biggest challenges that I face is keeping myself in the here and now. I find myself daily- several times a day actually- wandering into the past. It’s like when I was a child and had j...
I feel like I’m in the process of shedding a lot of extraneous brain flab that I’ve allowed to accumulate thru the years. The “swirl” as I call it- that has no apparent purpose other than to torm...
The crash I knew was coming hit in September, and now as 2020 begins I’m finally feeling like I’m beginning to resurface from the depths. Starting the new year with a new diagnosis and new medi...
I spent several hours this weekend organizing and shedding all unnecessary possessions and paperwork. It’s been awhile, and as always, it comes as a surprise how much extraneous SHIT one person ...
Row, Row, Row Your Boat in 2019
.....with the current rather than against it. It makes for a much less exhausting journey.
Either I break out of the logjam I’m in, or the malaise and inertia is going to do me in. I’m at the point where either I go forward, or I start sliding backwards. The winter thaw we’re experienc...
We’re in the heart of winter now- another storm coming in a few hours, followed by below-zero temps. This is when I go into survival mode. My days consist of outside clean-up at home, and then in...
Time for the next phase. I think I purged out the last of the bitterness and disappointment today. Sometimes you gotta wallow in it to get it out of your system. And then after the wallowing come...
Insurgency in 2019
It took awhile, but winter has definitely settled in- and I friggin’ HATE it. Now comes the battle I always wage with myself until Spring arrives. This isn’t the seasonal depression stuff I typi...
Footprints in 2019
The further along I am on this personal journey towards self- understanding, the more I can see the tracks I’ve left behind me as I’ve slowly emerged from the weeds. I see those muddy footprint...
Snow-Weary Ramble in 2019
Shoveled for more than 5 hrs today- snowblower wouldn’t stay running, so we had to do everything by hand. I’m definitely gonna be sore tomorrow. Current Temp is -1.3. Real feel is probably closer...
And So It Comes in 2019
After an early start in November, this year’s winter has been very mild so far. It’s been a nice change to keep crossing the weeks off the calendar without any significant snow or cold. That ends...
Eyes Forward in 2019
Perry is borrowing my car- and some money-tomorrow. Dropped the car off down there tonite. It’s unreal the situation he got himself in with Cat. I feel bad for him as far as the Parkinson’s goes...
