So Much For That... in 2023

I jinxed myself by commenting in yesterday’s post on how much more settled my dreams have become. Last night- for the first time in I can’t remember how long- I woke myself up screaming “Nooooooo” to get myself out of an unsettling dream. That’s a trick my subconscious learned a long time ago. For years and years, I’ve had dreams that have been interrupted by my screams and moans- and every time that occurs I awake before seeing or experiencing the thing that is so terrifying. Last night’s dream seemed pretty innocuous on the surface, but at some point it suddenly changed and I accelerated very quickly through the kitchen to my wide open front door. It was pitch black outside and my mother was standing near the door. After careening toward her, I spun around and speedily flew up the stairs without my feet touching the steps. As I approached the top of the stairs, I started screaming “Nooooo” and woke myself up.

Usually these types of dreams involve me being cornered or trapped and some unseen entity closing in on me. Last night was unique- was it the sudden loss of control in which my body seemed to be accelerating and taking me where it wished without conscious direction that spooked me? And why have I been plagued by these dreams for decades? I’m not much for repressed memories and there are no traumatic events in my life from which I am shielding myself from some unspeakable “truth.” Are these dreams just a manifestation of some glitch or imbalance in my neural circuitry? All I know is they SUCK- it’s very hard to have a productive day after a night with a terror dream because the feeling of dread (and more and more frequently the curiosity of WHY I’m having these dreams) sticks with me until the next time I sleep and dream and do a sort of internal reset.