Gray Canopy Over The World in 2023

We have entered the part of winter in the Great Northeast where each day is just a continuation of the day before- gray, dark, overcast, and dreary. Fortunately, this winter has been mild as far as snowfall amounts and bouts of extreme cold, but the lack of sunshine is all too familiar. As someone who struggles with a Vitamin D deficiency that probably contributes to my susceptibility to bouts of depression, the monotony of day after day of gray skies really hinders my motivation and desire to do much of anything. As hard as I’ve worked on myself in order to get a handle on my predispositions toward depression, the external conditions sometimes make me feel as if there’s a giant lid on the world. I’m craving sunshine and glimpses of blue sky and a reprieve from this monochromatic world that descends upon me every winter.

With all that said, however, I’m in a good place mentally. I’ve accepted that I’m still essentially a blank slate at this later stage of life. I’m learning how to discard my inauthenticities and I’m opening myself up to accepting that who I’ve been up to this point has largely been a performance to satisfy the scared child at the center of my being. Learning to be ME is a skill-set that is going to take some time to develop. I don’t think I’m that much different than many other people in that regard. I think many of us (most of us?) go through life robotically, conforming to the expectations of the roles we find ourselves in. I think it’s quite rare to find a truly authentic person, and I doubt that I will ever get there myself. Nevertheless, my goal is to be a freer, more honest version of myself as I learn how to be “me.”