Entries 42
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I Just Want You To Know Who I Am...
~Wow, I didn’t realize it had been over a year since my last entry. Time does have a way of flying by… ~Some updates… my best friend lived with me for 6 months. To all you people out there that ...
Maybe I'm Unloveable...
~I’m in a very strange mood tonight. I’ve been thinking a lot about maybe getting back out there into the dating world. I haven’t dated since 2016. Since I got raped. Understandably my trust in ...
Sometimes The Hardest Thing And The Right Thing Are The Same
~I like rediscovering an old album that I haven’t listened to in ages. Today I decided to listen to How To Save A Life by The Fray. The Fray was actually the first concert that I ever had the p...
To Be Something More Than A Memory
~I remember when I started this. I used to be a member of Open Diary and when that site went down this is what many other people on OD were moving to. I decided at the time to also move. I rem...
What Are You After? Some Kind Of Disaster?
~That’s exactly how I would describe my life. Not just today but overall. I mean I’m not saying that my life has been horrible by any means. What I mean by that is that we get through life goi...
A Short Term Fix For A Long Term Problem
~The state of the world is kind of a mess. Since we’ve been neck deep in the COVID-19 pandemic for a while now, it’s strange how this new “normal” is becoming what is normal. Today the Presiden...
Tell Me I Was Never Good Enough...
I don’t usually question myself and the decisions I make for my life, but recently there has been one that I don’t regret and I don’t disagree with but for some reason many people seems to judge ...
If I Lay Here...
~I keep hearing the song Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol.. now this isn’t a bad song, I actually quite like it, but when the song came out 12ish year ago or when it got popular in the US, my boyfrien...
Cause I Rather Feel Pain...
~I’ve been in a mood the past couple of days… helpless, worthless, just wanting to die… It’s been a while since I’ve felt these things so strongly. Nothing is even that terrible. And I honestly...
~Lately I’ve been feeling alone. I love being single, but then I have these moments that make me really miss being with someone. Make me feel so alone. I see people paired up, an older couple ...
Are We Not Brave Enough?
~I’ve been in the mood to write lately. But I have no idea what to write. When I finally sit down with either my laptop or a notebook, nothing comes. Maybe that’s because a lot of my feelings j...
Where Is Your Heart? Part 2
~Since my last entry I’ve been thinking a lot about the things that I wrote. I do focus a lot of the different men that have been/are a part of my life and how each of them have hurt me in the p...
Where Is Your Heart?
~Where is your heart? This is a question that I have been contemplating lately. My heart has been all over the place. So there is E. We hung out last night and I actually believe that he wante...
Why Is Everything So Heavy?
~I can’t believe that it’s been a while since my last update! Life has been moving. I haven’t really mastered my resolutions in my last entry, but they are a work in process. At least I haven’t...
Find Where I Fit
~So as I typically do on NYE, I’ve decided to take a look at the past year and figure out things I want to do in the new year. To be honest 2016 was just a meh kind of year for me. I mean some ...
You Changed Me Forever...
~So recently something happened that was really unexpected with this guy that I dated 10 years ago and we’ve been in touch over the years and actually tried dating again 4 years ago and then that...
Break Free Before It Breaks Me...
~Wow life has been moving… I’m not sure how I always feel about it. Sometimes I really struggle with life, and other times I’m ok with it. It’s definitely the hardest thing I’ve ever had to dea...
I Don't Care... Oh Wait...
~So I know that I have probably said this before, but goodness I need to stop caring so much. I keep getting hurt. Its just pathetic how because I still care and the other person does not, that...
Into A World That's Not There For You...
~So I’ve been thinking a lot about how I hold on to things. I’m not really sure why I feel the need to hold on to these things, but I do. I’m not sure if other people feel the same way, but it’...
I'm Losing You and It's Effortless
~I’m not sure what’s wrong with me. I met the guy that is perfect for me. We had everything in common, he was super sweet, he would have probably done anything I ever wanted him to do. Instead I ...
You've Got A Secret...
~As I get older, I realize how unprepared for love I am. I mean growing up I was loved by my parents and I grew up in the church so I was taught Jesus’ love for his people and watched all the Di...
Memories Are Shadows...
~I’m in a weird mood tonight. Maybe its the music I’m listening to, or the things going on in my life right now so let me try to get it all out… ~I finally got a job, after being laid off for 3 m...
You Left Me Right Here...
~Today is probably one of the last nice days of the year and its gotten me thinking about this past year. I know that this year hasn’t been my year. And maybe this will be how the rest of my lif...
Cause I Can't Breathe...
~I really have lost the will to live. I haven’t felt like this in a really long time. I just feel like there isn’t any point anymore. I don’t have a purpose a meaning. I just feel like my whol...
Well I Tried...
~So I just went out on a kind of blind date… and it did not go well. This guy found me on facebook and we started talking on facebook chat and started to see where things were gonna go. There w...
Book Description
~So I know I’m not the only person to come over from OpenDiary but it has taken me a little longer to join. For me OpenDiary meant a lot. It was there for me when no one else was and documented my life through some really hard times. And when OpenDiary closed I felt like a part of me dies with it. I didn’t want to write again for some time, but then I realized that writing is what saved my life and what helps me make it through these days… Well writing and music. I’ve been listing to a lot lately. I’ve needed it. I’ve been feeling really alone which is what led me here. Writing on an open forum like this has always made me feel like people care. That somewhere out there someone would be able to read about my life and actually care about my struggles, my hardships. Its not that people in my actual life don’t care, I know that they do, its just not the same. I often feel alone when I’m with the people that are supposed to care about me the most. Now that may or may not make that much sense but to me, that’s my life and has always been my life.
~So I hope that everyone will enjoy my writings… For me this will be part showing my work part diary, but in the end I hope that we are able to connect on a different level and be here for each other. I’m not perfect nor an intelligent writer, but this is who am I am I’m not afraid of being me.
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