Cause I Can't Breathe... in Just Moments

~I really have lost the will to live. I haven’t felt like this in a really long time. I just feel like there isn’t any point anymore. I don’t have a purpose a meaning. I just feel like my whole existence isn’t needed anymore. My heart is full of so much pain and suffering. I just want it all to go away, to stop. If I could stop feeling I would. But I can’t figure out how to not feel. That’s always been my problem, I feel so deeply. I feel everything and I can’t stop it. Especially in moments like this. Where I feel as no one cares. I was supposed to spend time with 2 people today and both of them bailed. One I figured would, the other was a little more of a surprise but they both hurt just the same. Why bother making the plan if they never intended on keeping it anyways? That’s what I don’t understand. If I don’t want to see someone I don’t. And I don’t lie to their face if they ask me. I’ll be honest and just say I don’t want to see you. Either way its gonna hurt. I rather know beforehand so that if I want to make other plans or just prepare myself differently I can. Then I wouldn’t plan for my day expecting people to show up, no I would plan it on me being alone the whole day and do my own thing. Then all this disappointment wouldn’t occur, ok maybe some disappointment but not nearly what I’m feeling now. I just can’t handle this anymore. I just want it all to end and just stop. I just can’t do it.