Break Free Before It Breaks Me... in Just Moments

~Wow life has been moving… I’m not sure how I always feel about it. Sometimes I really struggle with life, and other times I’m ok with it. It’s definitely the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with ever. I mean I’ve been struggling with it for years the option to live or to die. To let everything go and move on from this life.

~I recently found this song called Break Free by Like a Storm (the title of this entry is a lyric from is). This song (to me anyways) is about getting away from all the bad things going on in life and overcoming everything and starting fresh. I know that I’m not the only person out there who has had bad things happen in life, but we all struggle with something, if we admit it or not. And honestly its usually me who stops me and holds me back. I can’t really blame other people. Well sometimes I can but think about it. I have the choice to make a chance, to be someone else, to do something else. I don’t have to be stuck in this rut I call my life if I don’t want to be. The problem that one normally comes across is the how… How do I accomplish this. I’m at that stage right now. I’ve tired a few things but nothing has really worked or stuck as a viable option for me. I have a couple other things coming up that I’m hoping with help but we shall see…

~Besides me holding me back, there are actually some people who are holding me back. It’s incredible how we allow people to have his invisible hold on us and it really messes with the way we do things sometimes. I mean I can’t drive by a section of my hometown anymore because my ex used to live there and we spent a lot of time there and all it does is bring back all the memories that I don’t want to revisit. Its pathetic as neither he or I live in that town anymore. Both of our parents do so but we both physically have moved away… now not far away but far enough and luckily to get to my parents house I don’t have to pass it but gosh it holds me back. A lot of things about my ex hold me back. I know that I will never see him again, well not willingly on my part, can’t help if I randomly run into him because that does happen especially when you don’t want it to, but he still has this hold on my life and some of the decisions I make. I have dated other guys since him but nothing was as real as that was, and he’s with another girl about to become a father if the rumors are true and yet I haven’t fully let go. I’m not really sure how, but each day I get closer. He holds me down, but one way I will break free from him. I have to.

~I have broken free from a lot of other things in my life. I have found other ways of coping with life and the horrors it can bring. I have learned to rely on myself and stop putting myself in situations where I can get hurt both physically and emotionally. After each bad experience I tend to become a little stronger than I was before but it’s a long and painful process. I’ve never personally struggled with addiction of any kind, but I can imagine what its like, especially when you lose something that you are used to having around. It feels like you life is nothing. I’m sure that’s what it feels like to break addictions and why it’s so hard to do. But all it comes down to is will power…

~Do you have the strength to break free from what’s holding you back? I hope so. You are so much stronger than you think you are. I am a true testament to that statement. I’ve had my heart trampled on, I’ve been raped, I’ve almost attempted suicide twice, thought about it too many times to count, I’ve lost friends, I’ve been broken… But you know what I’ve also graduated college with an MBA, I have a good job, I have a family that loves and supports me, I have my Savior to guide me, and I have music that always can express what I’m feeling inside even if I can’t put it into words. Is my life perfect… Not a chance, but it’s not that bad. It’s all how you look at it. Is it hard to have a positive outlook everyday, you bet ya, but it doesn’t cost me anything to try. Some days I fail. I fail in so many ways its embarrassing, but other days I rock. But I have never given up or given in to letting it all go. That counts for something.

~Break free… If I can do it, so can you…

~Break Free and Start Again!