Are We Not Brave Enough? in Just Moments
- June 26, 2017, 1:23 p.m.
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- Public
~I’ve been in the mood to write lately. But I have no idea what to write. When I finally sit down with either my laptop or a notebook, nothing comes. Maybe that’s because a lot of my feelings just pass by so quickly recently. In the past I would hold on to something for so long that I used my writing to help me through it. If you’ve been following me for a while I usually write about relationships usually with a guy but not always. It was worse when I used Open Diary (RIP). In high school I got made fun of a lot, not sure why, but I got really depressed and wanted to kill myself. I almost attempted twice, once when I was 14 then again when I was 16. Both times I was unintentionally saved/distracted by a guy. I think that’s why I often write about guys. Without some of them in my life, I might not be here. I know that I should be strong enough to handle things on my own, and for the most part I am now, but going through adolescence is no easy feat. Kids are horrible and with the way parents aren’t parenting these days I feel so afraid for the adolescences of today and the future in the world or social media and smart phones.
~Anyways that’s not the point, the point is I would write every day. I used to keep a personal hand written diary. I actually had 8 or so books by the time I finished high school. I used to write in it every night. I once re-read everything in those diaries. I was so young and so impressionable. I also thought that everything mattered. I let myself get so hurt by people who really didn’t care about me and who I shouldn’t have cared about. I thought that it was important for people to like me and to be “normal” back then. Now I really could care less. I have a great family, a few really close friends who accept me for who I am. Sure I don’t get texts or snap chats from people every day, but that’s ok. I don’t need constant validation that I’m worth being friends with. If I need it I can seek it out but it really isn’t necessary. The people that see my worth are in my life. And those who don’t have left. I’ve been watching the series One Tree Hill and one common theme in there for those of you who are like me and missed that wagon is, people always leave. That’s true. People will leave your life for one reason or another. And guess what… That’s OK! people are allowed to leave your life. Sometimes you need to force them out. I wish I would have watched that show when I was in high school I might have realized this sooner and been so much better off.
~Let go of those people who are negative, who pull you down into their darkness, who are never really there for you. This is how I look at it now, would those people be there for you if you needed to be bailed out of jail? Or would they come visit you if you were in the hospital? Those are the people who you really want in your life. Those are the people who really matter. Life is way to short to be spending time on people who don’t matter. I mean I’m 26 and I don’t often realize how short life is, but I know in 20 years from now, I’ll probably realize it a whole lot more. Now that doesn’t mean I’m not going to make mistakes. I know I will let people that don’t really matter hurt me. That will happen because that’s who I am, but I can control how long I let that hurt me. I can control how I react to it and how I choose to deal with it. We all have a choice to make. To be brave and forge ahead without the baggage or to be scared and hold on to it and let it drag us down.
~I’m not a brave person. I don’t like to do things that scare me. I don’t seek danger out and I avoid certain situations so I can stay in the shadows. But I need to be brave, I need to stand up for myself and tell people that I’m here and I’m worth it and they better be worth my time.
~Be brave enough to try new things. I started working out at this new gym that is really challenging me. I used to be an athlete, I got hurt my senior year in high school and I’ve never been able to get back to that kind of shape since. I’ve also let my depression run my life and keep me away from getting back in shape. But I joined this gym knowing that it was going to be hard, that I was going to be challenged not only physically but emotionally every single class. And guess what, I’m still here! It didn’t kill me and as cliche as it sounds i’m getting stronger. Again both physically and emotionally. Don’t let fear hold you back. It is true, you are capable of way more than you think. You just have to try, now I’m not saying that you will be amazing at everything you try. That will not happen. But that doesn’t mean that you won’t be able to give it your all. I’m definitely not the strongest or fastest person at my new gym, but I am able to get through each of the workouts. Do I need breaks sometimes, YES! but I still give it my all and I can already see some results, mostly in my attitude. Please don’t live in fear. If you need someone to reach out to, I would love to chat. Just know that I won’t let you wallow in self pity. I did that for so many years and really wished that someone would have pulled me out. I will also ask you to act, not just complain. If you want to change, you have to make that happen by doing something! Don’t spend time complaining about how you wish your life would be, make it happen. You can do it! Don’t give up on yourself! <3
~So not the entry I sent out to write, but this is what came up! Thanks for reading!
Always Laughing ⋅ August 03, 2017