What Are You After? Some Kind Of Disaster? in Just Moments

~That’s exactly how I would describe my life. Not just today but overall. I mean I’m not saying that my life has been horrible by any means. What I mean by that is that we get through life going through disaster after disaster. Not all disasters are bad, many can be messy but end up good. Thinking about the current state of our world, it’s definitely a disaster. And we are all trying to navigate it the best that we can.

~I’ve also been considering this in my life. I have done many things that have led to disasters. You don’t know it at the time but looking back you just say to yourself, “Well that was F***ed up!” It happens and we all have baggage that we carry along with us in response to all the disasters that we’ve lived through.

~I was talking to someone recently who told me that he has an open marriage with his wife. He isn’t the first person to tell me that they had an arrangement like that but it did catch me off guard. Mostly because he wanted me to be one of his other women. Now I can’t say that I’ve been a perfect angel all the time, but this was not something that I was expecting. 5 years ago sure, today not so much. As I’m nearing my 30s its just not something I’m really into anymore. I’ve helped countless men cheat on their girlfriends, fiancées, wives. Some I knew about others I did not and found out about later. Earlier in my 20s I didn’t care. I wasn’t looking for anything serious and I wasn’t sleeping with any of these guys, but just having fun make out sessions. It was something to do. Someone to spend time with. Being the other woman has it’s perks. You can have a lot of fun without the complications of a relationship and the expectations that come with it. You can do things on your terms and set your own rules. You have a lot of the control. And being a woman even more so as I have yet to meet a guy who will say no and for the most part these guys aren’t a**holes and respect the rules that are set up. But there is a down side as well. Usually these hookups end. You stop talking and at the end of the day you are still alone. For the most part I was ok with this. Back then. But now, I’m just not sure I want to deal with all the drama! There is one guy I’ve been seeing on and off for several years. He’s been married the whole time. He keeps telling me that he should be with me, that he loves me, and that he misses me. My response - leave your wife then we can talk. Guess what he still hasn’t left her. Which is fine. I never expected him to. But at the end of the day, I’m no consolation prize. And that’s how he’s always treated me. Even if he ever does leave his wife, my door is not open. I know my worth. But this new guy just took me by surprise. I’ve know him for several years and never would have guessed this about him. To me it doesn’t matter. Whatever you want to do in your personal life go ahead. If both people agree to this kind of arrangement fine. At least there is no excuse to get mad if one of the parties brings someone else home! I see the benefits of it. But now I have the choice to be the other woman again. I haven’t made a decision yet, and I really don’t know at this point what will happen. On one hand, 2020 has been a year and having some no strings attached fun sounds really good. But on the other hand do I really want to get wrapped up in this? Who knows. If the moment does present itself would I even be strong enough to resist?

~So this is my new potential disaster. Part of me thinks that very few honest good men exist in this world, considering how many I have helped cheat. One of the reasons why I don’t jump into many relationships. I myself have been cheated on and it doesn’t feel great. I have never cheated on anyone that I was with. Never wanted to. I can commit myself to just one person no problem. But it seems many people cannot. I personally would never be ok with an open marriage. If we get to that point you are stuck with me and just me. If he wants to do things with other people we are getting a divorce. Just how I see things. I know this may seem hypocritical. At least I can admit that.

~I hope everyone is staying safe out there! Until next time. <3