Cause When I'm Dying For You, I've Never Felt So Alive... in Just Moments

~Lately I’ve been feeling alone. I love being single, but then I have these moments that make me really miss being with someone. Make me feel so alone. I see people paired up, an older couple walking hand in hand… Makes me wonder what life would be like if I found that person that would be with me until we are old and grey and don’t have a care in the world.

~But I may never have that. And I have to accept that. But I still hope that someday maybe I’ll find someone. But I’m afraid of getting hurt so it’s a double edged sword. G broke me into so many pieces I’m not sure I’ve been able to find all of them. L took advantage of me and I don’t have the trust in men that I used to. I’m scared to actually commit myself to someone to open up and let someone in. That’s why I keep going back to E. I know we will never end up together. If it was going to happen, it would have happened by now. But I’m comfortable with him and he knows pretty much all there is to know about me. Well the important stuff anyways. And every time I’m with him I wonder why I keep doing this to myself. Every. Single. Time. But I’ve promised myself that I’m going to end it. We have this coming weekend to spend together and it will be our last. I can’t keep doing this, and I can’t wait for him to finally decide that I’m worth it. I hate being a consolation prize. I want to be the girl that someone fights for. The one that is the first and only choice. I’ve never been that girl. Well at least I’ve never felt that way. I can’t speak for how the few guys I’ve dated actually felt, but none of them made me believe that I was worth fighting for. I did all the fighting for the relationship. And it can’t be that way. Both sides must fight for each other. One sided relationships never work. And that’s all I’ve been in. So here’s to hoping that there is some man out there that is willing to fight for me who won’t give up at the first sign of struggle, who won’t run away to another girl if I do something he doesn’t like. I’m worth it, so I’ve been told and now I just have to believe it.