You've Got A Secret... in Just Moments

~As I get older, I realize how unprepared for love I am. I mean growing up I was loved by my parents and I grew up in the church so I was taught Jesus’ love for his people and watched all the Disney Princess movies and all that. But really when it comes down to it I have not been prepared for it at all.

~Love is painful. I have been in love before and it was the hardest thing I have ever done, the most painful thing I have ever felt. Countless tears have fallen, nights where I thought my heart was just going to crush under the weight of love, but not in a good way.

~Don’t get me wrong, when you love someone and that person loves you back, there are not words that truly describe how that feels. That’s the Disney Princess love. Like you’re floating on air and nothing could ever hurt you. But the truth is that the only people that can hurt me are the people I love, especially if its love from a significant other. I’m again realizing that as I’m falling in love for the 2nd time in my life. Its again another really painful experience for me. When I’m with him, for the most part my heart is floating on air and times are amazing. But when I’m not with him, and haven’t heard from him in a while, my heart crushes upon me. I know some of this has to do with the trust issues I developed with my ex, and yes I know not all guys are the same, but it is hard to forget.

~I just wish that I would have been better prepared for how love really is. Its not all rainbows and butterflies. There are tears, darkness, and shadows. There are things that will tear you apart but these things you either get through and make the love that much stronger or it is what ends it completely. I just wish I knew which direction I’m going at the current moment. Right now it really could go either way. And as much as I want to be with him, its really painful, and I don’t need this in my life. The older I get the more I realize as much as I want a man in my life, and get married and all that jazz, I don’t need it. I used to think that I would be a failure if I never got married and had that person by my side, but really I don’t need it. I will still be successful and happy just in a different way.

~So those are my thoughts, I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately, so thought i would share! <3