I'm Losing You and It's Effortless in Just Moments

~I’m not sure what’s wrong with me. I met the guy that is perfect for me. We had everything in common, he was super sweet, he would have probably done anything I ever wanted him to do. Instead I send him away. I couldn’t feel anything towards him. I mean we’ve only known each other a couple weeks but still he was everything I wanted and yet it didn’t feel right. I have been struggling with this for a couple days now. I don’t get why I couldn’t just feel anything something, but I’m completely numb. I’m not even upset that I’m alone. Its comfortable almost. This isn’t how its supposed to be. This isn’t what I want! Then why does it feel so right? Maybe I’m destined to be alone. I’ve been considering this also. I mean I haven’t really had much luck with guys over the years and obviously I could of just had a guy if I wanted it but I turned it down. Which is something I rarely do. I’m terrified of ending up alone except in this moment. It doesn’t seem so bleak. I’m not really sure why that is the case. It makes zero sense. All my life - well since the end of high school - I’ve been looking for that someone who will complete me and be there with me until the end of my natural life. And I know I found a candidate with G. Even though I don’t want to be with him anymore things with him just felt right. And I know that’s what I’m looking for. That feeling where things just make sense and that’s it end of story. I know that I can feel that way again. It just won’t be with just anyone. It will have to be with the right one. And idk if i’ll find that again. if so then great, but I’m beginning to just accept that perhaps maybe its not in my plan. And that’s what it is. So in considering this I’m coming up with a list of things that I want to do, and if I have to do them alone then so be it. Why do I feel like I have to do these things with anyone. Maybe that’s because that’s what society tells us we need. I don’t know but either way I have to be ok with it just being me. I have so much to give to the world even if I don’t always believe it.