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February 14, 2020

I Own It in Him

I don’t know how we would have ended up. You said you never wanted to walk away. What if you never did? What would we be right now? Still what we were? You living away from me, me watching you da...


I’m avoiding most social media for the rest of the day because I don’t want to see the Valentine stuff. LOL All the couples who pretend to be happy and stuff and so they post it on the web. I”m ...


February 12, 2020

Ha... in meh...

I guess the deterrent for me being on social media is to know he’s paying attention. I don’t follow him on social media because I don’t want to see his life. He sees mine. I have nothing to hide,...


February 12, 2020

So Now... in meh...

…he’s back on Twitter. Now I have to regulate my mental floss… I mean I eventually tell him what I’m feeling, but I don’t want it to seem like I’m side mouthing conversation about him while he’s ...


February 11, 2020

Letter #2 in Him

For the past few weeks, I’ve been a wreck in my feelings. Partly due to monthly hormonal problems, partly because I haven’t been drinking. Partly because I got set off because I did a dumb thing ...


February 10, 2020

Feeling Bi/etter in meh...

So today I feel a bit better about my situation. I really do believe it was the hormones from my period. I was in church and I cried it out and left it all on the “alter”. I even got set off a c...


February 07, 2020

Mixed Random Items in meh...

How do anti-vaccination people come up with their reasons for not vaccinating their kids? I just read a Twitter thread where this woman was giving Motrin and Tylenol, along with peppermint oil an...


February 06, 2020

Update in meh...

Well, the tire was repairable. Somewhere along the way home I drove over a nail. I don’t subscribe to OnStar though they run diagnostics on my car from time to time. They sent an email instead of...


February 05, 2020

Dream 4 in meh...

Wow. Last night, there was a guy named Ladarius. I’ve never know anyone in real life (personally) named Ladarius. Apparently, we use to see each other and I dumped him and had been living a drama...


February 03, 2020

Dream 3 in meh...

So last night, I didn’t dream of Him. I did dream of someone else that I made a huge mistake with for a season in my life. My kids were in this dream. I NEVER have dreams with my daughter in the...


February 02, 2020

Let Me Be in meh...

I’ve been in chill mode today. Well, I cleaned up my house, save my bedroom. I usually go see my mom on Saturdays especially since tomorrow is first Sunday and I’m going to be in church all day. ...


February 01, 2020

Another One? in meh...

I had another dream. Him video called me and when the video started he was having some rough, porn-like sex with his wife. He had her one way, then threw her legs around and she got on her hands ...


January 31, 2020

Dreams As Lessons in meh...

I dreamt about Him, well he was in my dream. I dreamt about something else. In my dream, my cousin and her friend came to our old house where we grew up. He came to see me, dropping by, I don’t r...


How many pairs of converse shoes do you own? 1 and I admit they’ve seen better days Any other names your parents planned to give you? I don’t know. I’m not even sure if my name was a mutual decis...


January 28, 2020

It Has To Be Over in meh...

After class last night, my dad asked me to come to his house. My little brother was there, and asked me to drop him off where ever he was going. Wherever he was going, as usual, turned out to be ...


I hadn’t heard from Him since last Monday. I surmised that, “Well we gotta keep this thing low anyway. Constant connection isn’t necessarily good for keeping it on the low.” I think the more I wa...


January 24, 2020

Those Quiet Moments in Him

There are times when I cease all things. I want to quiet my mind only to have them filled with thoughts of you… I close my eyes and look into the blackness, into the nothing that is there and you...


January 22, 2020

Self Therapy...Or Not. in meh...

Not really therapy, just realization. And I ramble. Forgive me. I need real therapy. I was thinking about how much I want to love someone and be in love. Sex and love are different, but they are ...


January 21, 2020

Meh... in meh...

So… It’s the quiet season at work. This means that if I have anything I’m interested in I had better deal with it now while I got “down time” at the office. I forgot to bring my bible in from lun...


January 18, 2020

It's Only Getting Worse in Him

This is escalation and it shouldn’t be happening. Perhaps we need to do this, get this out of our system and move on. Or maybe this will open up a floodgate. I’ve been craving kissing Him. To be ...


January 03, 2020

2 out of 3 in Him

1) RJ and I went to get drinks and snacks after work. We caught up and talked and got to the meat of the matter later on in our favorite setting: somewhere where live music is playing. At any rat...


December 31, 2019

3 Things That Happened in meh...

1) I wrote Him a detailed email and heart spilled on him. 2) I’ve been talking to RJ today. I apologized to her, but we’ve seemingly only scratched the surface. 3) “Friend” M. I wrote her a brief...


December 28, 2019

Today's Date, pt. 2 in meh...

On my way to church Christmas morning, I had a real moment with myself that started with my first love/lover at 14, Harry. Our relationship was mostly over the phone. We saw each other in person ...


December 28, 2019

Today's Date in meh...

So…I am here, at 1:31 in the afternoon still in the bed. I had plans to be up early, cleaning house, washing clothes, but instead, I have on a tshirt, but nekkid underneath, listening to what sou...


December 24, 2019

Fell In Again in Him

Not totally, but it’s there. He seems good. He seems happy in his life, so why are YOU here? But he keeps in touch. I stay away from his socials because I don’t want to really know. Give me the s...


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