Maybe I Just Stop Watching TV in meh...

  • May 19, 2020, 5:41 p.m.
  • |
  • Public

That will never happen. Lol

I watch a show called “Insecure.” The main protagonist is Issa. We are on season 4 now and she and her best friend have had a falling out, which started bubbling in the first episode when the friend told Protag that she likes drama. She told her this because she unexpected was working with the new girlfriend of her ex. She didn’t know and that had no bearing on anyone’s relationship. Friend was out of pocket for that.

Fast forward, they fallout at what should have been a crowning achievement for Protag. Now they’re not speaking, Protag doesn’t want to reach out first because she is always the reacher.
She goes on about her day, trying to do good things for others because friend said she was a user. She got caught in a few situations that just made her feel even worse. So she talks to her mom. Mom helps a bit. She goes home, gets high, then wants some food. The place she went, she saw friend sitting there chilling, playing on her phone. Instead of walking in to get food, talk, etc. She leaves. She’s thinking, You got your phone, you don’t want to reach out. I’m cool. Holla.

It made me think about me and my bff. We talk more, we are “cool” but we are not the friends we were. I’ve been the Protagonist. I am that. I have always been trying to find my way, needing people. Everyone has had their life together in some way and I’m still trying to figure it out. When I needed someone to printout some stuff for me, let me use their internet, she was mad at me. I needed to get some papers to a place by a certain time so I could file papers to keep a roof over my head. She didn’t let me use her stuff, print out my shit and by the time I was able to do that, the place was closed. Her boyfriend called and asked me if we went. I told him the truth. I hadn’t heard from her. She was willing to risk me being homeless just because she was mad at me. And I had my kids by then. But we made it past that. I don’t know how, but we did.

The last thing, she took something I said out of the context it was meant. After that, she wanted to keep arguing. She kept picking and poking and I was done. I didn’t want to argue when she wanted to keep it going. I didn’t want to keep it going because it wasn’t going anywhere. In the end, I maintain that my motives for pulling out of certain things were pure. Because I didn’t want to seem like I was just using her. I never dropped off the planet. I never stopped talking to her. I just stopped one thing and it blew up. It didn’t stop her show. She found new friends. I kind of did too, but shit isn’t the same. I no longer have a tribe.

So, I have friends but no one is really connected. I don’t have a tribe. Simple as that. Some people in my spectrum, I think we all are telepathically connected and we are always the ones who pick up phones and call people first or text to reach out. Maybe it’s petty to put emphasis on always being the one that does it and just be the one that does it. But my issues come from feeling easily throw away-able. No one gives me a second thought. I’m always swimming in my feelings about everything, but no one is out here loving me except my son and grandson.

I think I’ve upset myself. Lol
I’ve got to get dressed and go to his school to get his things.

Take care.

Kindest regards,

Gilraent May 21, 2020

I can relate to this so much <3


Sister Gilraent ⋅ May 21, 2020

Thank you...

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