Entries 52

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I am back in the water! We have been swimming for two weeks now, and it is wonderful. I smell like chlorine again, which feels great. I feel terribly slow, but we have not been in the water for a...

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I am still unsure in how I feel. All my emotions are tangled everywhere. I am trying my hardest to repress it and control myself, but it is getting more difficult by each passing minute. This pro...

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For about a week, my friend group has been planning a mall day. I suggested the idea as an alternative to a thrift store since they are not open, yet. Thrift stores are my favorite shops, other t...

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Sunsets are so precious. Perfect colors paint themselves across the blank canvas that is the sky, and twist themselves through clouds. They reflect against available waters, even the smallest of ...

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I have no idea where this entry is going to lead, or how I will categorize it into a book. I losing the will for everything right now. There are still sparks of moments where I am happy, where I ...

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To the one that helped hold the darkness at bay: “There is an unbelievable amount of things I wish to tell you. In person, which is preferred, we both know will never happen. [The fact that I am ...

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I am terribly selfish. How could I have let this happen? This was not the original plan. Throughout middle school, I did not want to continue band in high school. I had a pretty bad teacher. She ...

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I do not know what to feel. My chest keeps caving in on itself and I almost always feel like I need to scream. I do not, however. I have grown relatively good at bottling everything up so I do no...

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Yesterday, my friend had a small birthday party at his house. (We will call him Batman, a nickname that started in 6th grade.) I was very excited since I had not seen any of my friends in a long ...

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I think I am losing myself again. I know the things I am passionate about on both ends of the love/hate spectrum, and I know the major goals I am working to acheive as well as some of the minor o...

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I am only creating this for the purpose of writing and seeing myself and my responses. I have made this book public because I feel it is useless to write to nobody but my own self. I often find ...

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This is not really a quote. It came from an Instagram post of text messages, but I thought it was sweet and significant enough to think about and share. It is in response to the message: “what ar...

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Mom is mad/sad again. She has always been too emotional, but it is getting hard to handle now. I hate that I get that from her. I feel emotions too intensly, and, from my Dad, I feel I need to hi...

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My mind twirls with so many thoughts and emotions. I am scared. I do not want to feel all of this anymore. What sucks the most, is that I know it is all technically in my head. I know that “it’s ...

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I am almost done with the mural. I painted the hill and trunk today. It ended up looking really nice. I cannot wait to see what the finished product looks like tomorrow. Dad gave me a cool idea ...

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I accomplished the first step (a back layer of darker leaves) in painting a purple and blue willow tree on the big wall in my room. I was a little skeptical about how it would trun out, not being...

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My therapy appointment got cancelled early this morning. Even though they were phone appointments, it was still better than nothing at all. Apparently there was some error in the scheduling, so I...

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How am I supposed to talk to people when everybody is so absorbed in what they are doing and their own interests? The goal of me having a therapist is to get me to start opening up, but how do th...

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I had my AVID interview today. I think it went over well but I cannot be sure. I have decided I do not like online interviews. Anyways, I was stressing over it all day. I new I still had to look ...

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The sunset is really pretty right now. It was very subtle, but I still thought it was grand. Right now, a soft rose pink is spreading into pale blue across the sky. The pink disappears behind mou...

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I deleted our messages a couple of days ago. The guy I talked about. In trying to distract myself from Papa, I keep coming to a different source of pain that somehow seems worse. I think it feels...

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As you can infer from the title of this entry, we cremated Papa this morning. It was terrible. Last night, Dad asked us if we wanted to go with him and Mom for the cremation. I declined thoroughl...

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I found this post a little while ago. I have no idea who wrote it, but it really hit me hard. “soda becomes vodka. bikes become cars. kisses turn into sex. remember when getting high meant swingi...

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I had completely forgot about Easter until Mom has us dying eggs last night. We did not buy a kit this year, so we kind of winged it with food coloring. It worked out okay. We just have a lot of ...

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The weather is so nice today. It has been raining and cold nonstop for a while, which normally I like, but I was not allowed outside to enjoy it. Now I can see a beautiful blue above me, dotted ...

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