Who Am I? in Who Am I?/Unseen

I think I am losing myself again. I know the things I am passionate about on both ends of the love/hate spectrum, and I know the major goals I am working to acheive as well as some of the minor ones. Still, I feel lost. So, here I am to try and remind myself. Maybe one day it will stick.

I feel emotions very intensely. When I find something that piques my interest a lot, I become invested in and very passionate about it, particulary books. Fictional characters become my world. I want nothing more than to be a part of another world so much I almost live in on eof my own creations.

I am a very engaged swimmer. My swim team is my family. Wherever they are is home. I have strict goals to accomplish and work hard to reach them. Once one is acheived, another one takes its place. I strive to live up to my coach’s expectations and make her proud. She is so invested in us that our accomplishments turn into her’s, too.

Creativity is a broad spectrum with me. I can write, but am also a perfectionist, so it is hard to just get thoughts out and edit later. I have halfway decent artwork, but not too much of a talent. Painting is nice, especially landscapes, but not as well as I hope to be someday. I can come up with some good song lyrics. I am told that I can make a group go quite when I start to sing. I am not sure about that one, but it is nice that people listen to that.

Education is important to me. I have always been academically inclined and strived for the best. I am hard-driven and will work hard to get where I want to be. I interact well with teachers and staff, which is a plus in my book.

I am invested in my friends. Their pain turns into my pain, and their joy is my joy, too. I empathsize well, and do my best to be there for people who need me, or just someone in general. This, however, is complicated on the flip side. I feel I am a burden and cannot go to anybody with my issues even though people come to me. I am all twisted upside down and backwards.

I have weird issues with my family that are not typical. It is nothing abusive or straining. Just me and my irrational feelings. I am terrified of my father, but love him so much. He is a person that I think I might want to hang around when you take away the family aspect. I love my older brother and sister, as well. I would definetly want to be around by older brother when you take away the family aspect. I do not know about my sister, but I do know I am very grateful to have her as my sister. She is awesome. I love my mother, but I do not know what would happen if she were not. I doubt I would want to be around her, but it hurts me to say that given the mother aspect. I love and am grateful for her. I cannot stand my younger brother. It even makes my insides boil to call him that, but I cannot change it and it is probably a talk for another time.

I still sleep with the blanket and stuffed animal I had when I was a baby. Bluebee and Piglet. (I had decided as a baby the blanket must have a name and would be a ‘he’. I do not know why.) It comforts me to have something to cuddle since I do not have a person. Plus, the blanket is soft. Who does not like soft things?

I would continue to go on. I probably could find a way to go on about anything for hours. However, I am, for once, tired. I will see if that lasts when my head hits the pillow.