Everyone is Complicated in The Troubled Mind of a Helpless Teen

Mom is mad/sad again. She has always been too emotional, but it is getting hard to handle now. I hate that I get that from her. I feel emotions too intensly, and, from my Dad, I feel I need to hide it all because it is weakness.

Mom is upset because my older brother got defensive. He is naturally defensive, but he was not being mean. I do not think at least. He and my younger brother ate all of the ribs that Dad barbecued this weekend, so there is not any left for my older sister.

My sister is the one who got the ribs for us, and had already said to save some for her. (She is going to be mad when she gets home.) Mom told my brother about it, and he said he had already had them before he was told. Mom got upset when he told her not to yell at him.

I should also mention that my mother is unreasonably loud. So, it sounds like she is yelling when she raises her already pretty loud voice a little louder. My brother got defensive, and Mom got upset like she always does.

I know that Mom has the right to be upset. She has gone through a lot, but I do not think I have the right to speak of it. It is not my story to tell. I just wish she would handle things a little better. It is good that she shows emotion, just not as much as she does.

She not-so-quietly muttered that she wanted to quit. To “just quit being a Mom.” I can see that being a mother is tough, but that was a far exaggeration over a very small thing. Yes, someone is always mad, but that is because we all have our own stuff to deal with.

I wish we all were a bit better at handling ourselves. Our emotions are getting in the way. I wish even more that I could even mention this to my mother. I cannot, however, because she would (big surprise) get upset. I want to tell her how this affects everyone and that maybe working on it would help her, too, but that is not a possibility.

Talking about things in this family is very difficult. Everything is “possible if you put your mind to it,” but unsupported before you get a chance to explain your ideas. I guess we are one of the families who appear average and happily positive, but that have so many cracks that run farther and deeper than measurment. (That may be an exaggeration. What do I know? I am me and I am young.)

I think I should stop writing about this for now. I feel like I am being the normal ungrateful teen that only cares about themselves. It is starting to disgust me. I do not like being remotely like that.

My tree is almost done. There are quite a few things I am not happy with that I need to finish fixing, but it should turn out good. The purple is very much more pink, but I can work with it. It still looks nice. Nana is excited to see it when it is done. She keeps checking every day.

Another positive: Coach recommended a work out app yesterday for me to test out. I am really liking it so far. I am very sore, but in the good way that lets me know I did a good job. Her son had started it, and she wanted someone to try the app and give a review to our team. I think it will be really good for the team. I do not normally like being a guinea pig, but this time it is fun.