I Don't Really Know. An Update I Guess? in Questioning Everything

The sunset is really pretty right now. It was very subtle, but I still thought it was grand. Right now, a soft rose pink is spreading into pale blue across the sky. The pink disappears behind mountains that look almost fake. I can see it all behind a tree, and the leaves add an extra nice aesthetic to it.

Nana is slowly getting moved in with us. She is not officially moved in right now, only staying for a while. The plan is that, eventually, we will have her move into my old room and sell the house. It will not be for a while, though. It is still too soon. I think it will be quite interesting to have Nana living with us. I am close with her and she seems happier around me, so it should be fine. Mom will have company when we go back to school after this quarantine.

I made a mistake last night. Well, two I guess, though I do not know if one of them is a mistake yet. I finished signing up for all of my high school classes. (It is finally happening. I am going to be in high school. I’ll finally get the advanced education I have been needing.)

I am taking three Honors courses (definitely not the AP Human Geography they offer because it does not sound appealing and everybody was failing the class). That alone has a lot of homework to attend to. I have an online interview for AVID tomorrow, which, if I work at it hard enough, will be amazing college preparation. I am planning on joining the school swim team for a chance at a better chance at a scholarship, while also continuing club swim. Additionally, I am signed up with the Marching/Concert Band. I am interested in a few clubs as well.

It is a lot. I hope I did not make a mistake. I am a really focused and hard-driven person, though, and my coach and teachers believe I will be able to handle it maturely and well. I naturally have pretty good bonds with teachers, so the required communication to juggle everything should not be too difficult.

The real mistake I have made though, is that I texted him about it. The guy. I could not help it. It was not only instinct, but I was overwhelmed with everything and wanted someone to know.

I had not deleted his contact, so he popped right up when I typed in his name. I told him all the classes I was signed up for. At first, I thought I was left on read. I could see the read receipt. But then something awesome happened.

He had been responding with a somewhat lengthy message. It was a normal message, just about the classes and that, yea, I am screwed this year. But we actually ended up having a real conversation. Back and forth. I got much more than a one word response from him. That was the usual, and even then, that was on a really good day.

I was unreasonably happy. He never even responded this much when I talked to him about JJBA. (I am currently watching it because of several recommendations and he loves the anime, too.) I had not talked this much with him over the past two months combined. I mean, it was not the old conversations we used to have, but it was something.

I admit, I probably just caught him at a good time. It was a one time occurrence. I am doing everything to not let myself be so happy about it. It will only hurt more. I am not deleting these messages for a while, though. They have some good advice for high school.

He said ‘Night.” He used to say Nighty, but he actually said goodnight. I sent him a goodnight every night because of another one of my weird quirks. (I cannot sleep without feeling guilty unless I say goodnight to someone who is not my immediate family. It’s weird.)

I hate that it makes me this happy. It should not. At all.

Last updated April 21, 2020