Entries 29

Page 1 of 2

i finished dealing with my annoying ocd. everything is posted. all of it is not going to mean anything, but my brain is somewhat content now. the last one is the one that kind of matters to me. ...

---

Im really tired. I should go to bed, right? WRONG! head is too full even tho it’s really empty at the moment. for a while i’ve been getting really numb. our group has started using the chat im in...

---

it’s saturday night, and i am fucking grand. it’s saturday night, and i am i n f i n i t e . our group hung out today and i had a really good time. i often feel insignificant, especially in the ...

---

I keep meaning to write, but by the time i remember i don’t have the energy. i did really fantastic at the high school meet yesterday. prelims and finals are next week, and then hopefully CIF. i ...

---

I really miss Daniel. I want a Daniel hug. Pretty much more than anything right now I want a Daniel hug. Or to just sit on the phone with him, but preferably a hug first. Why do I push people awa...

---

Im lifeguard certified! I just need to pass my hiring test on Wednesday and I’ll have a job. When I came home Theresa was out, and it felt really nice to be outside. To snatch a board and skate a...

---

Grammy had an appointment for soemthing that was supposed to be done in March. They have to drive all the way to Santa Ana. Moms vision fractured and so she’s really sick and can’t drive her. We ...

---

Arora favors her in person group. She’s giving them the materials for a project, and not giving much instruction at all to her “zoomies”. i’d go back in person if i didn’t have Wiedmann. i think ...

---

Our meet was moved from tomorrow to today. i did pretty good, was one second off of my best times for every race, and second for every one. i didjt feel good tho. not just because of the sunburns...

---

Im scared of how I feel. I left all chats on Wednesday. I finally tipped over. I couldn’t take being ignored anymore. Of course, Dylan asked what was happening. I told him to please not bother me...

---

Could I be fluidflux? I didn’t know there was a genderfluid until now. After reading a little about i’d say i still identify mkre genderfluid. but now there’s a fluidflux? i keep finding things t...

---

I had a dream last night that I was who people actually wanted to talk to, or rather who someone wanted to talk to. In the dream, Pele text me. She asked if we could call. At first I though she h...

---

I’ve had a Thought. I always say how much i hate these hot, sunny, summer-y type days, and now i think i know why. i think i love them. like a lot. what i hate is being confined to a house during...

---

i love her but i know i love them platonically. and i’m positive their affection for me is only platonic, and it’s highly possible that hers is too. everything hurts. i don’t know im getting out ...

---

i need to be kissed. the need for a human presence is still there but… i really need a good kiss. ik that technically i have had a “first kiss” but i don’t count them. i mean the first real kiss....

---

im not sure what to make for nana’s bday card. i know i need to make her one, and dad will be upset if i didn’t. i kind of want to try drawing papa for her, but i don’t wanna make her cry if it a...

---

I feel quite empty and idk why. like numb to everything. talking to people is taking so much effort. we made characters today for each other and i was happy for a moment but i felt exhausted afte...

---

its been a while. i forgot i had this little vent space and have been using my notes. my ocd is begging me to copy and paste them into the entries here so i can everything in one place and organi...

---

I am back in the water! We have been swimming for two weeks now, and it is wonderful. I smell like chlorine again, which feels great. I feel terribly slow, but we have not been in the water for a...

---

I am still unsure in how I feel. All my emotions are tangled everywhere. I am trying my hardest to repress it and control myself, but it is getting more difficult by each passing minute. This pro...

---

For about a week, my friend group has been planning a mall day. I suggested the idea as an alternative to a thrift store since they are not open, yet. Thrift stores are my favorite shops, other t...

---

I am terribly selfish. How could I have let this happen? This was not the original plan. Throughout middle school, I did not want to continue band in high school. I had a pretty bad teacher. She ...

---

I do not know what to feel. My chest keeps caving in on itself and I almost always feel like I need to scream. I do not, however. I have grown relatively good at bottling everything up so I do no...

---

Mom is mad/sad again. She has always been too emotional, but it is getting hard to handle now. I hate that I get that from her. I feel emotions too intensly, and, from my Dad, I feel I need to hi...

---

I am almost done with the mural. I painted the hill and trunk today. It ended up looking really nice. I cannot wait to see what the finished product looks like tomorrow. Dad gave me a cool idea ...

---