Unfulfilled Plans and Plans To Come in The Troubled Mind of a Helpless Teen

For about a week, my friend group has been planning a mall day. I suggested the idea as an alternative to a thrift store since they are not open, yet. Thrift stores are my favorite shops, other than food markets, of course (swimmer appetite).

We were supposed to go today, but that did not happen. I guess it is alright considering my mother probably would not have let me, even though Dad gave me the “all clear.” If she had, she would have still been angry, as she is about pretty much everything.

I was really excited to go, though. There was only friend from this small group that I had not seen during quarantine, and I wanted more than anything to run and hug them when we were supposed to get together. This also happened to be the first time I have expressed interest in shopping. Even while planning for thrift stores, I am not too enthusiastic, although I always have a great time at thrift stores (there is just so much cool stuff to look through).

So, this was a big deal in one of my friend’s eyes. Though I was mainly interested in all the delicious food to satisfy myself with, he was excited that there was interest at all. I will admit, though, that I also wanted to smell all the candles and buy a few pins and buttons.

I was thankful to have Dad on board, but I forgot to tell Mom until the night before, which is bad considering she is my ride of nobody can pick me up. She normally gets all huffy and puffy about anything I suggest, however, and I really did not want to ruin my excitement.

In the end, it did not matter. One of my friends canceled, and since we are a small group, we needed everybody. We will plan another time, I guess. Hopefully I will still be excited.

On another note, I am painting my friend a picture to help with emotions. Their favorite landscapes are enchanted forests, so I am doing my best to make the painting perfect and incorporate friend photos. They go through a lot at home, which I will not get into because it is not my business to discuss, so I wanted to create something that would make them feel better.

Most of my friends have some family issues as well, so I am thinking this could be part of this year’s Christmas gifts. Even though it is July, I am already planning gifts for Christmas, and one friend’s birthday that is in October. Currently, I am focused upon my best friends gift. Her birthday is on the twenty-fourth, so I have a lot of work.

It makes me happy, though, to work so hard for others gifts. I want to paint a nice background and paste pictures of her and her friends across the canvas, with some added designs here and there. I am working to make it a vintage look, since that is our favorite aesthetic.

Planning these things so far in advance is necessary because I have little to no money to spend on my own, and gift budgets from my mother are not very high either. Most of my gifts contain some form of art, so I start working early to give myself room for mistakes.

I am trying to get a bit more into art, right now, so that I have another stress reliever when school starts. This month, they are starting to ease me into it. In person band camps start next week, and they run from 1:00 to 6:00 for new member camp, and 11:30 to 8:00 for all member camps. I am very excited.

To ease stress a little, I am trying (again) to fix my sleep schedule. It is kind of working, but I will see how long I can keep it up. I have resorted to auditory hypnotic videos. I am not sure how to feel about hypnosis, but it has worked so far. The person’s voice either puts me to sleep within fifteen minutes, or bores me to sleep within 30-45 minutes.

I am also ecstatic because...... I AM FINALLY GETTING BACK IN THE POOL! I cannot express enough how happy this makes me. There are many procedures we are going to have to follow, and there will only be 1-2 people per lane, but I get to be back in the water! Coach promises not to work us too hard for a little bit so that we have time to reconnect with everyone, but also promises to make sure we are so sore that we will not be able to move on the weekends. I know she will not break that promise. And I love it. I love having muscles be sore.

To top everything off, I am reading the required readings for Honors English. I tried to wait until the end of break so I would not mix up characters from other books. I have read Speak, and am currently getting into I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings. I am a bit confused with this one, but I read Cliffsnotes for each chapter when I finish to make sure I understand correctly. If I do not, I go back and reread the chapter with a new subject in mind.

That about sums up an update on (mostly) non-emotional aspects of my life. I think I will finish this entry and move onto another one to vent out the emotional stuff.