4/16/21 10:41pm in The Troubled Mind of a Helpless Teen

Im scared of how I feel. I left all chats on Wednesday. I finally tipped over. I couldn’t take being ignored anymore. Of course, Dylan asked what was happening. I told him to please not bother me, that I was there for homework as I always am. Because that’s all I am. A minor benefit. A slight convenience sometimes, while most of the time I am just an inconvenience. Pele checked a little. Other than that, my phone sits in silence. However, I am scared because these last days of having been gone, I feel much better than I have in months. My phone only lights up for Discord or Canvas, occasionally for our swim chats. It feels quieter. I thought it would hit more painfully. I knew that nobody ever actually wanted to talk to ME. My phone only ever lights up for group chats. Nobody needs ME. Without the chats I thought it would hurt more. It seems the knowledge has helped. I feel happier now, I think. My phone isn’t on my person 24/7, and my eyes aren’t waiting to scan through repetitive messages day in and day out. I wonder when i’ll finally crawl back to them. ask them to add me back. i wonder what their saying about me while I’m not there. their probably glad to have a break away from me. maybe i should stay away. i guess i’ll see how this keeps going. if i keep getting happier. i don’t talk to anyone, but it’s fine. they never listened anyway. thomas texts me for homework. the others don’t at all, though maybe their respecting privacy? realistically, i doubt they’re thinking of me at all. i’m here if my dull existence is required. i need to sleep. i should play music though bc that vile existence is in the garage playing video games and screaming. i cant wait to move out and be rid of my family.