Asocial_Chaos ⋅ 19

I'm a young wannabe artist and college student that doesn't want to grow up. I've been journaling for the last couple years on my computer, my phone, or on paper and I'd like to compile my thoughts in one easy place. When I write I tend to go into my most dramatic, emotional, and dark self. My life is fine, I cope well, and I have potential to thrive. I just think too much sometimes

Entries 35

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Just a side note: I post art online under a couple of different pseudonyms. I’d like to keep them separate from this, but my art is also really important to me and something I’d like to share. So...


August 28, 2018

Chaotic Order in Dream Journal

It’s been a while since I’ve tried writing about dreams. It’s really tough, especially if your dreams don’t make any sense. But lying here in bed, I realized that I did in fact dream last night. ...


August 27, 2018

Ace in Therapy

For some reason, a bunch of videos about asexuality have been showing up on my youtube feed and watching them makes me feel more solid about my own orientation. I don’t talk about it a lot but I ...


The last few days have been really good. So good in fact that normal starts to feel a little sad. But I’ll try to not linger on that and just remember the good. Let’s start with last Tuesday. I ...


L, Funny, isn’t it? That I wanted to start these letters because of you. That you made me so frustrated that I needed to immortalize you after just a few weeks. Don’t think I forgot about you tho...


August 13, 2018

Don't cry for me in Poetry

Don’t cry for me If I maintain my suffering I can at least be proud. You are not responsible for my happiness You are not responsible for my happiness You make me happy. Don’t cry for me You mea...


August 11, 2018

Swirl in Poetry

You call me swirl as I twist my curls around my finger Don’t let your heels touch the floor I’ll never satisfy you but I’ll make you think I might just be the girl of your nightmares I want to wa...


I’ve been listening to a lot of Marina and the Diamonds lately. And thinking too much, of course. I took a look at my astrological natal chart again and found that my “120 conjunction sun” is in...


Gosh I am so tired. Tired of having grand hopes and plans and just not doing them. Tired of waking up in the middle of the night to sounds that should have stopped bothering me years ago. Tired o...


I’ve been meaning to write for a while. I even got around to making a couple of drafts but I never finished. When I have something to write about I like to do it all in one go otherwise I lose it...


Mom, I’m so happy that we are at that “friends” stage. There was a time when I wasn’t sure it would ever happen, but here we are 18 years after I met you and I actually enjoy your company. But ...


Q, I’ve written about you at least a hundred times but I haven’t written your name. If you were ever to read this you’d think I was crazy. Maybe I am. You were nice to me. And I appreciate that. ...


Probably a lot of entries coming in today huh. Holidays always bring about a lot of thinking I suppose. Every year the fourth makes me more and more sad. The fourth of July is my mother’s clean...


God everything just seems to be getting worse and worse. I keep thinking about how much better I was doing and how the last couple of years were totally unexpected in the best way. I had hope tha...


It’s been a minute. I keep half writing things or writing on paper but nothing comes of it. I prefer writing on my computer since I can lmao type a quickly as I can think but of course, I want to...


I’ve been out of school for the last four days and I’m already overwhelmingly stressed about the next year. I woke up at 6:30 this morning in a bout of anxiety concerning my financial aid. Now I’...


June 15, 2018

06-14-18 in Dream Journal

I only remember fragments from last night’s dreams. I usually get a lot of details but that wasn’t really the case this time. The first dream I remember was at the mall. I used to have dreams abo...


June 15, 2018

Fate-06-15-18 in Poetry

The hands of fate, they twist and pull at me. But I quickly turn down a forgotten road in hopes that I might break free. Although, I can’t help but wonder if the strings are still there, just out...


I have a math final tomorrow and it’s on my mind. I’ve been trying to actually study for once, which is quite the task. Now I like math and I’m pretty good at it. I’m taking this class for ‘fun’,...


I think it’s pretty normal to wish I could go back in time and redo things. None of us are perfect and it would make things so much easier if we could do them knowing what we will come to know la...


June 04, 2018

Numb in Therapy

I’ve been so darn emotionally drained lately. My standard emotion is numb, but it’s been eating at me the last few days. I don’t know if it’s because I was so happy and excited not too long ago o...


I think it’s very important to be polite. It’s not hard, it doesn’t cost anything, and it reaps benefits. It’s kinda funny, my mom is a lovely kind woman but sometimes she sounds short when she m...


May 31, 2018

Dermatillamania in Therapy

When I was little I always picked at scabs. I loved it; the feeling, the satisfaction, the deep color of my own blood. I think that’s somewhat normal for a curious kid that spent a lot of time al...


May 29, 2018

... in Poetry

constant ticking
 a perpetual reminder
 of time lost darkness 
 followed by light 
in a never ending loop inhaling 
 and exhaling 
the same recycled air earn years 
 but don’t grow from
 infin...


May 27, 2018

The beginning in Poetry

why must one
speak in broken text
 full of flowery meaninglessness is it not simpler 
 to state what it is one means
 with words more common? but even the most common
 may be beautiful
 in novel...


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