Asocial_Chaos ⋅ 18

I'm a young wannabe artist and college student that doesn't want to grow up. I've been journaling for the last couple years on my computer, my phone, or on paper and I'd like to compile my thoughts in one easy place. When I write I tend to go into my most dramatic, emotional, and dark self. My life is fine, I cope well, and I have potential to thrive. I just think too much sometimes

Entries 25

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Mom, I’m so happy that we are at that “friends” stage. There was a time when I wasn’t sure it would ever happen, but here we are 18 years after I met you and I actually enjoy your company. But ...


Q, I’ve written about you at least a hundred times but I haven’t written your name. If you were ever to read this you’d think I was crazy. Maybe I am. You were nice to me. And I appreciate that. ...


Probably a lot of entries coming in today huh. Holidays always bring about a lot of thinking I suppose. Every year the fourth makes me more and more sad. The fourth of July is my mother’s clean...


God everything just seems to be getting worse and worse. I keep thinking about how much better I was doing and how the last couple of years were totally unexpected in the best way. I had hope tha...


It’s been a minute. I keep half writing things or writing on paper but nothing comes of it. I prefer writing on my computer since I can lmao type a quickly as I can think but of course, I want to...


I’ve been out of school for the last four days and I’m already overwhelmingly stressed about the next year. I woke up at 6:30 this morning in a bout of anxiety concerning my financial aid. Now I’...


June 15, 2018

06-14-18 in Dream Journal

I only remember fragments from last night’s dreams. I usually get a lot of details but that wasn’t really the case this time. The first dream I remember was at the mall. I used to have dreams abo...


June 15, 2018

Fate-06-15-18 in Poetry

The hands of fate, they twist and pull at me. But I quickly turn down a forgotten road in hopes that I might break free. Although, I can’t help but wonder if the strings are still there, just out...


I have a math final tomorrow and it’s on my mind. I’ve been trying to actually study for once, which is quite the task. Now I like math and I’m pretty good at it. I’m taking this class for ‘fun’,...


I think it’s pretty normal to wish I could go back in time and redo things. None of us are perfect and it would make things so much easier if we could do them knowing what we will come to know la...


June 04, 2018

Numb in Therapy

I’ve been so darn emotionally drained lately. My standard emotion is numb, but it’s been eating at me the last few days. I don’t know if it’s because I was so happy and excited not too long ago o...


I think it’s very important to be polite. It’s not hard, it doesn’t cost anything, and it reaps benefits. It’s kinda funny, my mom is a lovely kind woman but sometimes she sounds short when she m...


May 31, 2018

Dermatillamania in Therapy

When I was little I always picked at scabs. I loved it; the feeling, the satisfaction, the deep color of my own blood. I think that’s somewhat normal for a curious kid that spent a lot of time al...


May 29, 2018

... in Poetry

constant ticking
 a perpetual reminder
 of time lost darkness 
 followed by light 
in a never ending loop inhaling 
 and exhaling 
the same recycled air earn years 
 but don’t grow from
 infin...


May 27, 2018

The beginning in Poetry

why must one
speak in broken text
 full of flowery meaninglessness is it not simpler 
 to state what it is one means
 with words more common? but even the most common
 may be beautiful
 in novel...


So um I’ve meant to write for a couple days but I haven’t had the chance. This week has been one. Especially since I don’t usually do anything outside the house save for work and school. Anyways...


You know, I meant to write yesterday but it just didn’t happen. I’ve had an inkling that I was getting sick for the last week or so. Typically, my sense of smell is heightened a few days before I...


I don’t drive. I’ve never even tried. I live in a city with some not so kind drivers, bridges, and hourly traffic. Most roads in my area are curvy and without sidewalks. My mom drives a stick shi...


May 20, 2018

Crippling Anxiety pt2 in Therapy

I wrote my last entry pretty late last night. If you want, I would read that first to get a better understanding. Be this part will stand on its own as well. I think this is what it’s like with m...


May 20, 2018

Crippling Anxiety in Therapy

I should start by saying, I have never been officially diagnosed with any mental illness. The only times I’ve ever even talked to mental health professionals were in family therapy when I was lit...


May 20, 2018

Crippling Anxiety in Therapy

I should start by saying, I have never been officially diagnosed with any mental illness. The only times I’ve ever even talked to mental health professionals were in family therapy when I was lit...


I have low self confidence and sometimes I feel guilty for it. I should feel lucky, I have an easy time in school, there are things I’m good at, I’m not terribly unattractive. But I feel like as...


May 16, 2018

Daddy Issues in Therapy

Apparently, most people think I come from your average middle-class nuclear family. I think that’s really interesting since it couldn’t be further from the truth. I only ever talk about my mom an...


A series of diary entries about someone who I grew to really care about, finally all compiled together. I’m super dramatic and just here to have my sappy teen romance moment. Some notes, I work i...


May 16, 2018

Weight in Therapy

This isn’t something that concerns me a lot, but I was thinking about it last night. I’m about 5‘6” and 100 pounds, that’s really thin. I’ve always been in good health, I don’t get faint or anyth...


Books 5



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