Stressin' Already in Daily Thoughts, Ideas, and Experiences

I’ve been out of school for the last four days and I’m already overwhelmingly stressed about the next year. I woke up at 6:30 this morning in a bout of anxiety concerning my financial aid. Now I’ve been letting myself sleep in until about 9 over the weekend, so waking up so early for no real reason is a true testament to my anxiety. After verifying everything, I decided to finally check my grad plan.
I’m really good at looking like I have my stuff together. But moreso, I’m good at ignoring things until I absolutely have to deal with them. For school, I feel like I’ve been doing more than my friends and classmates or at least the same amount. And although I’ve been studying full time, I’m still less than halfway done with my necessary credits. I expected as much honestly, but I’m further behind than I thought I was. It sucks because I felt like this term and the last were really easy and I could have totally added an extra class to each. But I wanted to avoid thinking about the future and didn’t want to acknowledge what I actually needed to do. So I spent almost an hour creating a tentative plan that allows me to actually get my credits and get out. This schedule has between 16 and 19 credits or 4 or 5 classes. I’ve been doing 3 every term so far. Which is quite a bit more. But I am planning to do art classes to pad out the elective credits so it’s not that bad. My plan for fall term though has me in school 4 days a week for about 5 to 7 hours. And that is manageable but not ideal.
And that brings us to work. I kept all of my classes on the same two days this last year so I could work the other days. But being at school all the time leaves less time for work. If I can actually make my plan work and get classes that fulfill it then I could work after those 5 hours of class on Mondays and Wednesdays.
I keep telling myself that I went easily to start because I needed to be eased into school. I hadn’t actually gone to school in 4 years and before that, I still struggled to be around people. But I was fine. School was great most of the time. I could have done more. I should have done more.
And I’m worried that I just spent half of my savings and my hours at work will get cut and some disaster will happen. What do they call that feeling? Catastrophizing? Realistically speaking, it’ll be the same as a high school student working after school. But with the added responsibility of being in charge all of the time. But I also worry that I’ll be working too much this summer and I won’t get to any of the things on my list and it’ll all be a waste.
I just know I’m gonna be exhausted. I’ve been regressing a lot lately and thinking about how difficult everything was back then is terrifying. I won’t be able to catch up. I’ll have to “live one day at a time”every day for the next year.
And summer just started. And I can’t enjoy it. I shouldn’t enjoy it.