Swirl in Poetry

You call me swirl
as I twist my curls
around my finger

Don’t let your heels touch the floor

I’ll never satisfy you
but I’ll make you think
I might just be the girl of your nightmares

I want to watch your toes bleed

Temptation with modesty
But I look so much better
Covered up

Your vitality is the most divine

Innocent
or seductive?
Maybe just caught in what if

Your fatal yearning feeds me

I’m most content
veiled in red
warm and alive

How much will you sacrifice?

I love you
but not in the way
that will make you happy

I’m sorry

It hurts you
to make me happy
and what do you receive?

Nothing

I have nothing
to give
save for the idea of perfection

That night that I earned 20 some mosquito bites my friends and I were across town at a castle-like structure around midnight. And as teens/young adults do, we took a kink test. Well two of the four of us, the others had done so already. I wasn’t even going to talk about this but I’m not embarrassed and you’re just a stranger. It’s been a while since I’ve been open about being asexual (I prefer ace) and even people I don’t “come out” to have this notion that “you’re a very asexual person” or “I couldn’t see you with a guy or a girl”. And while I’m pretty turned off to the idea of sex, I do crave affection in other ways. I’ve never been in a mutual romantic fling let alone a relationship, never kissed or held hands. But I’d like to be a part of that. And I have a craving for sensual affection, but that’s still very fluffy. Anyhow, I came out as pretty darn vanilla and submissive on the test which wasn’t a surprise. But I like blood. It’s not really a sexual thing, but I find myself attracted to beautiful boys with blood and bruises. But also I don’t want people to be hurt, especially people I care about. I don’t know, it conflicts a lot. I’m very wholesome and innocent and ace but also quite dark and deviant. I just worry that I won’t be enough for whoever I hope to be with in the future. It’s fine amongst friends who I can just casually say “I’m ace” around, we wouldn’t be involved anyway. But I hate to be a disappointment.
Dear Mr. Beautiful Ace, I hope that when we meet we can naturally and organically have this conversation and both feel relief that we are the same.