idea barrages

by littlefallsmets

Entries 2,035

Page 3 of 82

November 29, 2019

dec 1

“Better than any of the Terminator sequels after T2” is the definition of damning with faint praise. I just realized what we can call the super rich evangelical extremists propping up Trump i...

November 28, 2019

nov 30

Mr. Bean but actually made of beans. Without all the weird hair and beard and whatnot, Guy Fieri kind of looks like Ted Cruz’s non-evil twin. The most terrifying concept I could come up wit...

November 27, 2019

nov 29

In Soviet Robocop, machine rages against YOU. If something is similar in form and tone to Billie Eilish is it Billie Eilishish? Basketball with fighting like 70s hockey would be called BATT...

November 27, 2019

nov 28

The Flash complains that the Cosmic Treadmill isn’t allowing him to time-travel and it’s really bringing him down. Batman explains that the Flash was accidentally using the Hedonic Treadmill in...

November 25, 2019

nov 27

Neurosurgery is often unnerving. On Soviet tumblr, otherkin identifies as YOU. The Swiss phrase for a Swiss Army knife roughly translates back into the English as “the toothpick that is mis...

November 24, 2019

nov 26

83% of all kids’ movies could be ended three minutes in by the phrase “Yes, there is actually a rule that a dog cannot play basketball. It is the very first rule to basketball in the basketball...

November 23, 2019

nov 25

If you sell freeze dried pork products, the only acceptable name for your line is Kelvin Bacon. If you celebrate your victory by blasting precious sensitive indie-rock at your fallen opponent...

November 22, 2019

nov 24

But if I DID own a bakery supply store, it’d surely be called KNEADFUL THINGS. Eventually, as with all bands, Mumford and Sons will have one or two remaining members desperate for cash, touri...

November 21, 2019

nov 23

Big Guitar is just playing Guitar Leftists and Guitar Rightists against the Guitar Center. Wake up, sheeple. If you pick up and throw the guy dressed as Elmo in front of Times Square as far a...

November 20, 2019

nov 22

TAKE ME DOWN TO THE PARROT ICE CITY WHERE A GOOD SNOW CONE IS STILL A BUCK FIDDY, OH WON’T YOU PLEASE BUY A CONE? How hasn’t Marilyn Manson done a song called Demons Are A Girl’s Best Friend?...

November 19, 2019

nov 21

. He hurt his back falling into a wardrobe, suffering a narniated disc. If he had REALLY wanted to piss off Han Solo, Kylo Ren could’ve invited his dad to a meal of truce and during the desser...

November 18, 2019

nov 20

Lula roe is actually the eggs of people who demand to speak to a manager. Being trapped in my mind means spending a morning considering if the theme song to STAR TREK ENTERPRISE was ripped o...

November 17, 2019

nov 19

I don’t think that Mad Magazine ever did an article about being emo called “Welcome To The Blech Parade” and I think we’re all a little less for that. A magic item that gives you, like, +4 st...

November 16, 2019

nov 18

This sentence either is a tautology or it is not a tautology and that’s why it is a tautology. Maybe as we all are mortal, we should view all interactions with each other as palliative care. ...

November 15, 2019

nov 17

In trade for giving us a female James Bond, we will let you cast the antagonist as an apathetic millennial supervillain named Dr. Meh. For Halloween, I’m going to dress up as a functioning me...

November 14, 2019

nov 16

The REAL Loch Ness monster was Dr. MacFrankenstein, the head of the Loch Ness Tourism Board. I can’t recall what I had for lunch yesterday but I can sing you “Be cool about fire safety, be co...

November 14, 2019

nov 15

step 1: carve a small axe out of a skateboard. step 2: refer to it as your tonyhawk. step 3: ??? step 4: PROFIT! Just walk up to someone say “needless to say” and then walk away. The dog an...

November 12, 2019

nov 14

If I owned a minor league sports team in Macon Georgia, I would definitely call them the Macon Love. A Star Wars branded footrace called The Darth Maul Half-Marathon. If you get really cons...

November 11, 2019

nov 13

If your clothes spontaneously generate as you take them off, you are a Moebius stripper. A parody of Centerfield about the hell that is flight entirely predicated on the double meaning of the...

November 10, 2019

nov 12

Evolutionary Skills For The 21st Century: The Ability To Figure Out How To Get To A Live Operator. I hope some people who know Rainn Wilson call him Rainn “The Doc” Wilson. They’ll use your...

November 09, 2019

nov 11

Upton Abbey gonna give it to ya (ooh) Upton Abbey gonna give it to ya (ooh) It’s not whether you win or lose, it’s how you see through the false dichotomy of winning and losing. In an alter...

November 08, 2019

nov 10

I wish I could tell you how to kick higher but I’m no Rockette scientist. Some day, you will see an aged Paulie Shore grooming his front yard. When that moment comes, you are to scream “GARDE...

November 07, 2019

nov 9

Usually when heroes crossover, you have to really stretch to create a misunderstanding that results in them initially fighting but considering Mario dwells in the sewers murdering turtles, his ...

November 06, 2019

nov 8

A Star Trek third-person shooter game called GEARS OF WORF. Your 50s rock/doo-wop band that sings about horror movies will be called “Freddie and the Kruegers”. Your pastry chef rap group w...

November 05, 2019

nov 7

Eventually, there should’ve been a raid on McDonaldland by Mechagrimace. On the run from the mob, Whoopi Goldberg goes into witness protection as a septic system repair woman in CISTERN ACT. ...

Book Description

originally, I went to college to be a comedy writer
the urge to still generate short form ideas remains
I collect, once or twice a day, my one-liner jokes
and my germs of ideas that I litter on social media
into little collections I call “barrages”
and then I put them here