littlefallsmets ⋅ 40

I write words, I sometimes get to perform them out, sometimes I'm even paid. And I'm trying to get it right, get it right.

with enough repetition, your flaws become your style


Entries 3,401

Page 1 of 137

18 hours ago

nov 21 in idea barrages

. He hurt his back falling into a wardrobe, suffering a narniated disc. If he had REALLY wanted to piss off Han Solo, Kylo Ren could’ve invited his dad to a meal of truce and during the desser...

1 day ago

nov 20 in idea barrages

Lula roe is actually the eggs of people who demand to speak to a manager. Being trapped in my mind means spending a morning considering if the theme song to STAR TREK ENTERPRISE was ripped o...

2 days ago

nov 19 in idea barrages

I don’t think that Mad Magazine ever did an article about being emo called “Welcome To The Blech Parade” and I think we’re all a little less for that. A magic item that gives you, like, +4 st...

3 days ago

nov 18 in idea barrages

This sentence either is a tautology or it is not a tautology and that’s why it is a tautology. Maybe as we all are mortal, we should view all interactions with each other as palliative care. ...

They say when you’re about to die, your life flashes before your eyes and while that’s kind of what it’s like, they’re not quite right. Flashing before your eyes describes a strict linear order, ...

4 days ago

nov 17 in idea barrages

In trade for giving us a female James Bond, we will let you cast the antagonist as an apathetic millennial supervillain named Dr. Meh. For Halloween, I’m going to dress up as a functioning me...

5 days ago

nov 16 in idea barrages

The REAL Loch Ness monster was Dr. MacFrankenstein, the head of the Loch Ness Tourism Board. I can’t recall what I had for lunch yesterday but I can sing you “Be cool about fire safety, be co...

5 days ago

nov 15 in idea barrages

step 1: carve a small axe out of a skateboard. step 2: refer to it as your tonyhawk. step 3: ??? step 4: PROFIT! Just walk up to someone say “needless to say” and then walk away. The dog an...

7 days ago

nov 14 in idea barrages

If I owned a minor league sports team in Macon Georgia, I would definitely call them the Macon Love. A Star Wars branded footrace called The Darth Maul Half-Marathon. If you get really cons...

November 11, 2019

nov 13 in idea barrages

If your clothes spontaneously generate as you take them off, you are a Moebius stripper. A parody of Centerfield about the hell that is flight entirely predicated on the double meaning of the...

November 10, 2019

nov 12 in idea barrages

Evolutionary Skills For The 21st Century: The Ability To Figure Out How To Get To A Live Operator. I hope some people who know Rainn Wilson call him Rainn “The Doc” Wilson. They’ll use your...

November 09, 2019

nov 11 in idea barrages

Upton Abbey gonna give it to ya (ooh) Upton Abbey gonna give it to ya (ooh) It’s not whether you win or lose, it’s how you see through the false dichotomy of winning and losing. In an alter...

November 08, 2019

nov 10 in idea barrages

I wish I could tell you how to kick higher but I’m no Rockette scientist. Some day, you will see an aged Paulie Shore grooming his front yard. When that moment comes, you are to scream “GARDE...

November 07, 2019

mirror in the sky in poetry

the moon doesn’t know you the moon doesn’t know you look up to it for a light out there in the darkness the moon doesn’t know itself does not think about how it reflects the sun any more ...

November 07, 2019

the bail-out in poetry

I look up to the sky sometimes these days and ask “the bail-out’s never coming for me, is it, Dad?” by bail-out, I mean, you know, something like the lotto the big check, the windfall, the G...

November 07, 2019

nov 9 in idea barrages

Usually when heroes crossover, you have to really stretch to create a misunderstanding that results in them initially fighting but considering Mario dwells in the sewers murdering turtles, his ...

November 06, 2019

nov 8 in idea barrages

A Star Trek third-person shooter game called GEARS OF WORF. Your 50s rock/doo-wop band that sings about horror movies will be called “Freddie and the Kruegers”. Your pastry chef rap group w...

November 05, 2019

nov 7 in idea barrages

Eventually, there should’ve been a raid on McDonaldland by Mechagrimace. On the run from the mob, Whoopi Goldberg goes into witness protection as a septic system repair woman in CISTERN ACT. ...

November 04, 2019

nov 6 in idea barrages

A grand opening flier still up in a window for a business across town that’s already shut down. The window is for a shop that’s now closed too. Trumps America. If you say “fresh starts” 20 ti...

November 04, 2019

punchline in poetry

it was funny once but only a little bit back when we would say things like “I’m just putting off success until I’ve built up enough experience and humility, my failures have all been ...

November 03, 2019

nov 5 in idea barrages

I mean, maybe this IS my best life. Not rich, not famous, staying busy, doing good where I can for who I can, a sort of secular circuit rider trying to spread the word on loving yourself throug...

November 02, 2019

nov 4 in idea barrages

A collection of poems that are responses to rejection letters called Dejection Letters. It seems my interview last week went well and I am starting another part-time job tomorrow. I am a very...

Frank broke with academic orthodoxy on the subject of skin-ape culture in many ways but most importantly on the question of whether humans were anything other than an evolutionary cul-de-sac, fea...

November 01, 2019

nov 3 in idea barrages

Ghost summoning is really just visitation rites. Yes, Columbus Day is racist as hell toward Native Americans but, as a minor side-bar, it’s also racist against Italian-Americans because they ...

October 31, 2019

nov 2 in idea barrages

Ah yes, throwing Namor the Submariner at the bad guys. The trident true approach. Your intentionally-mediocre Radiohead cover band will be called Adequate Computer. Usually, she uses a deep...

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