littlefallsmets ⋅ 37

I write words, I sometimes get to perform them out, sometimes I'm even paid. And I'm trying to get it right, get it right.

with enough repetition, your flaws become your style


Entries 2,136

Page 1 of 86

3 hours ago

j25 in idea barrages

1.) A flag with a snake in a gimp mask and the phrase “Please Tread On Me, I’m Into It”. 2.) It’s a dating service where you only match with Crispin Glover. It’s called Crispin Mingle. It’s less ...

1 day ago

j23 in idea barrages

1.) The one upside to the airlines not giving us food anymore is that we’re at the end of hacky jokes about airplane food. 2.) If I could rap and people remembered Snow, a parody of “Informer” ab...

2 days ago

j22 in idea barrages

1.) The hipster zombie refused to eat anyone from more than 100 miles away, a strident localvore. 2.) Has there already been a movie about a werewolf on the police force called Lobocop or am I th...

3 days ago

j21 in idea barrages

1.) Here’s the thing, Trump isn’t confessing his crimes out of idiocy, it’s out of the belief no one will meaningfully challenge him. He’s a goddamn Bond villain. 2.) No one actually likes Vegemi...

4 days ago

New Text Document in poetry

all us old guys on our laptops all you young kids on your phones all together in this cafe or some other writing into the Twitter box bitching about how much we feel alone look up look up ...

4 days ago

j20 in idea barrages

1.) Whenever you hear an “alt-right” “MRA” “PUA” douche-nozzle call himself an “Alpha” imagine him as that dumb robot from Power Rangers. 2.) We are, like, a week away from Trump getting confused...

1.) The Vapes of Wrath 2.) Zen and Artisanal Motorcycle Maintenance 3.) The Brothers Mumfordrozoff 4.) A Craft Brewery Grows In Brooklyn 5.) John Milton’s Paradise Gentrified 6.) Ironic Remembr...

5 days ago

719 in idea barrages

1.) When hipsters call their ware “small batch” do they realize that is also slang for “tiny sex parts”? 2.) When you’ve got one piece of pottery firing and a second waiting its turn, is that you...

6 days ago

718 in idea barrages

1.) Your album of Madonna EDM remixes will be called “Justify My Wub”. 2.) Only tonight did I realize how great a mash-up of Zep’s “Immigrant Song” and the Dr. Who theme would be. 3.) Salvador Da...

July 16, 2017

july 17 in idea barrages

1.) On a cosmic scale, all tattoos are temporary. 2.) Cobra’s hypnotist Dr. Mindbender is the evil twin to G.I. Joe’s marriage counselor Dr. Bindmender. 3.) All us old guys on our laptops/all you...

July 15, 2017

the ides of july in idea barrages

1.) An alien studying our culture assumes that a marriage license is a license to hunt the married and hilarity ensues. 2.) A lesbian clown purchases a clone so she can eat herself silly. 3.) Pop...

July 14, 2017

july 15 in idea barrages

1.) My question about the teevee show GOTHAM is… when are they gonna finally get the ham? 2.) Don’t be too hard on the Kool-Aid Man, he’s been going through a lot of things lately. 3.) The Bluths...

July 13, 2017

the millions in poetry

yes a million monkeys with a million typewriters would eventually write a Shakespeare folio but you’d need a million good editors to actually find it you’d need a million proofreaders to actua...

July 13, 2017

the zone in poetry

Just because your prayers got answered doesn’t mean you’ll get the answer you were hoping for. Just because your wishes got granted doesn’t mean you’ll get they’ll turn out how you p...

July 13, 2017

this dog and I in poetry

Twenty thousand years ago when I was a hunter-gatherer and this half-poodle half-something was a grey wolf at my side our neuroses made us alert and better hunters and kept us alive wh...

July 13, 2017

july14 in idea barrages

1.) If you go to a disco in Krakow, are you Pole dancing? 2.) Twenty thousand years ago, when I was a hunter and this dog-thing was a grey wolf at my side, our neuroses made us alert and better h...

July 12, 2017

julyxiii in idea barrages

1.) LinkedIn was just a scam by the resume-editing industry to make you feel bad about your resume. 2.) Yes, “Watchmen” predicted America and Russia unifying after a horrific fraud but our ending...

July 12, 2017

julyxii in idea barrages

1.) Compassion is the only thing. If you don’t see how helping each other is more important than avarice or ideology, I dunno what to tell you. 2.) Mumm-Ra always told me not to look into the Eye...

July 10, 2017

julyxi in idea barrages

1.) Your combination sandwich shoppe/fetish wear outlet will be called DOMS SUBS. 2.) Oh dentist, brace thyself. 3.) At some point, a person who makes custom shoes for celebrities got to say “The...

July 09, 2017

julyx in idea barrages

1.) If you’ve got a telescope on your warship, you’re really just naval gazing. 2.) A really good name for a bakery that not enough people would get would be The Hedonic Breadmill. 3.) Whenever a...

July 08, 2017

july9 in idea barrages

1.) Here’s something I am going to grumpy-old-man about: I miss when department stores had lunch counters, goddammit. 2.) Of course the neo-Nazis don’t want to be publicly called neo-Nazis. They’...

July 07, 2017

july8 in idea barrages

1.) The phrase “Elks Lodge” sounds a lot more like “Elk Slodge” when spoken outloud and I want it to be A Thing. 2.) If there are sub-reddits about submissives, submarine ships & submarine sa...

July 06, 2017

julyseven in idea barrages

1.) Idea: a horror-host show that takes place in an abandoned video store. Maybe during/after the apocalypse? Or maybe a vampire lives there. Maybe whenever the host gets viewer mail saying it is...

July 05, 2017

the downside in poetry

the downside to living in a porno movie is you can never get your plumbing fixed or actually get a pizza delievered to you it always just ends up as sex your cable’s always on the fritz yo...

July 05, 2017

julysix in idea barrages

1.) If you’re being hired to be a ranger at Grand Canyon National Park, aren’t you technically getting a Rim job? 2.) Your line of purposely-awful ports of Nintendo 64 games to the Commodore 64 w...

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