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1.) Now you have to make Meta-Krispie Treats by making Rice Krispie Treats out of Rice Krispie Treats cereal.
2.) The “Come Together Let-Down” is the psychological reaction to thinking a great so...
1.) The attempt to eradicate the flu is something of a cold war.
2.) Your film about a dystopian future where actors are only allowed to play man-children until 40 will be called SETH ROGEN’S RUN...
poor Arnold Potter
we don’t share alma mater
in some ways we share even more
even though birth of mine
and his was in eighteen-oh-four
I in hospital halls
of the L...
1.) Realize: whenever you use the letters “BAMF” for “badass mofo” I will never think that and always first think of Nightcrawler teleporting.
2.) Sometimes I just wanna watch delusional mall nin...
1.) The skill-set focused on the care of rock-eating monsters is called “hortaculture”.
2.) You want my ten albums I was listening to a lot as a teenager thing? Sure. Melon Collie and the Infinit...
1.) You didn’t just vote that one day. You vote every day you actively resist the normalization of hatred & greed. Or of course when you don’t.
2.) By undermining the very notion of ethical g...
the outer boroughs are an ouroboros
eating their own tail
a near-endless cycle of
which is the most hip
outside of Manhattan
eating each other and
themselves up ...
1.) All terrible white “redneck rappers” like Kid Rock should now be collectively referred to as “Meth Head Man”.
2.) Dianetics and Diuretics being so close together is great because they’re both...
she made the mistake once
of saying it under her breath
of calling the man and his dog
but the man known for his drug-filled rages
the man with the giant loyal
1.) If you’re of the orientation “aromantic”, that’s fine, do you do, but maybe pick a term that isn’t easily confused with “aromatic”.
2.) Fuse the Bechdel Test and the Turing Test, see if you c...
A corpse is a corpse, of course, of course
And no one can talk to a corpse of course
That is, of course, unless the corpse is the famous Mr. Dead
Go right to the source and ask the ...
this life is a rock tumbler for our consciousness
for our souls if you’re into that word
I’m not into that word, myself
it reduces all the random mystery
down to some hippy-dippy magic
when I started talking cholesterol medicine
I noted the generic name “Atorvastatin”
realizing that it sounded like the name
of an NPR on-air personality
“Atorva Statin, for Marketplace”
Mr. A had an utter disdain for fools
Mr. B looked upon fools with detached bemusement
Mr. C tried his best to ignore the existence of fools altogether
Mr. D bade fools to rise out of fo...
1.) Throws open the doors of Heisenberg High School: “WHO’S IN CHARGE HERE?” A bystander yells back “I’M NOT SURE!”
2.) Whenever facebook says “such-and-such was live”, I always want to wistfully...
Tramontane is on a corner off the 5-8-12
there’s been construction there since before there were roads
each week they change which way the detours go
it’s worth the work, you know ...
1.) Jesus always got away with leaving the door open. “What, were you born in a barn?” is not so effective when your answer is “YES”.
2.) After every clean colonoscopy, you should get to throw a ...
1.) It’s the height of arrogance to believe things happen “for a reason” to teach you but without it, it’s hard to function in society at all.
2.) dear facebook memories, please stop remindin...
1.) “Prilosec Omeprazole, NPR Boston”
2.) It was just as he feared, after years of fraternity keg stands, he’d finally torn his brotator cuff.
3.) Tell people your Potterverse House is Puffn...
1.) Far less popular was the sequel about alien patissiers, SPACE EXTRUDERS.
2.) The failure of the LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY GENTLEMEN film denied us a LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY GENITALS porn parody...
1.) A viable alternate title to TWILIGHT would be DUNCES (WITH WOLVES).
2.) Gumby’s overly clean-cut storylines spared us of the episode where his mother discovers his stash of CLAYBOYS.
3.) I ho...
1.) “Temporary profile pictures”, facebook? On a cosmic scale, that’s the only kind.
2.) Trying to win a ground war on horseback these days is a tankless job.
3.) Biologically, we’re no smarter t...
the pretty brunette who works at the toll booth sometimes
she thinks that I’m flirting with her
she thinks so, I know it
there’s an amused but dismissive laugh
when I say “thank you, ha...
1.) My recurring dreams are starting to cross over, cameo in each other, blur into a “cinematic universe” of my nightmares, it’s unsettling.
2.) The crowning achievement for the porn-parody indus...
1.) If you find the works of Cronenberg erotic, that’s just bawdy horror.
2.) Secretly, honey badger cared a lot. Honey badger cared too much and tried to hide behind a protective facade of don’t...