littlefallsmets ⋅ 44

I write words, I sometimes get to perform them out, sometimes I'm even paid. And I'm trying to get it right, get it right.

with enough repetition, your flaws become your style


Entries 4,879

Page 1 of 196

21 hours ago

nv28 in idea barrages

You remember when you walked out of a screening of THE PHANTOM MENACE & realized the auteur is a lie, singular genius is a lie, art comes from a combination of adversity, compromise & d...

2 days ago

nv26 in idea barrages

There’s probably, right now, a dude in England who sleeps around a lot nicknamed Randy Travis who doesn’t even know that there was a mediocre country singer in America who came by the name hone...

5 days ago

nv24 in idea barrages

Of course that conman on the History Channel thinks everything is aliens. He’s clearly one of the bird people from Babylon 5. A dating site where women can meet the emotionally-unavailable r...

7 days ago

nv22 in idea barrages

“Aim for the moon, even if you fail, you’ll still hit the stars” feels like victim blaming. We should be able to aim for, like, just a little bit down the street and be okay. This culture of Ac...

November 19, 2023

nv20 in idea barrages

Whenever someone shares a photo of one of their ancestors looking fine from the distant past, always reply “building a time machine so I can be your great / grand / mother / father”. It’s alway...

November 17, 2023

nv18 in idea barrages

You shouldn’t feel guilty about the step-backs you need to make socially, to protect yourself, to maintain your energy. You can’t help everyone. If you wear down completely or you wreck your ow...

It shouldn’t be a beer, he thought, certainly not macro-brew swill from a third-rate Scottish label. It should’ve been a vodka martini, procured from only highest-shelf stocks, mixed to his pecu...

November 15, 2023

nv 16 in idea barrages

In Soviet telephone company, party-line uses YOU. “The only preparation my generation had for 9/11 was Star Wars The Phantom Menace,” she asserted, “not in magnitude, but in a general sense o...

November 13, 2023

nv 14 in idea barrages

A high-risk sort of stunt artist. An Easel Knievel, if you will. I fear most people would rather be rich & famous for rubbish than largely unheralded but doing good work. I fear it’s the ...

November 11, 2023

nv 12 in idea barrages

A Beastie Boys parody about space garbagemen called “Intergalactic Sanitary”. LESS VIRTUAL REALITY, MORE VICTUAL REALITY. I like to imagine what New Bay Seasoning tasted like, when they bri...

November 09, 2023

nv 10 in idea barrages

A detective novel about a crime-solving bartender called “First-Degree Muddler”. 2 Olive 2 Gardenous: When You’re Here, You’re Family A sitcom about the collapsing housing market called REA...

I’ve taken two driving tests in my life and passed both by the exact minimum. A slim point each time. At twenty-two, just out of school, I barely scraped through the New York exam. I couldn’t aff...

November 08, 2023

never quite escaping in poetry

i find myself perpetually stalked by this doughy gruesome monster following me everywhere day and night all hours and all seasons but he is nothing if not a veritably wily grotesque I’...

November 07, 2023

nv8 in idea barrages

I’m not much of a hockey person, really, but every time I see a warm weather city team advance in the NHL playoffs, my heart knows this is wrong and should not happen. The idea of “a good hur...

November 05, 2023

nv6 in idea barrages

Perfect is boring. The little imperfections let the glory of the art or the person shine. Perfect things aren’t meant for here, may your works and your loves be bodhisattvas with just enough be...

November 03, 2023

nv4 in idea barrages

If your go-to seduction technique is making her laugh, that’s just funnilingus. Why did they roll with the neologism “bussy” when it was so obvious to run with the word “broaca”? There’s a ...

November 02, 2023

nov2 in idea barrages

Today I realized that Jimmy Fallon would be a perfect partner for Batman in defeating the Joker, as what with the always laughing at nothing to begin with, he would be immune to the Joker Gas. ...

I was sitting at the High-Catholic funeral for the grandfather of two of my oldest dearest friends, thinking how much he would’ve appreciated the rituals. The singing, the incense, all the milita...

November 01, 2023

bonus barrage in idea barrages

If you’re gluten intolerant, it’s likely you’re also fettuccine afraido. In Seinfeld, they so easily have called “the airing of grievances” in Festivus “the bitching hour” instead. Pretendi...

when the girl on the screen mispronounces cuisine that’s Giada when the thing on teevee calls “gnocchi” GNAY-OH-CHIIIII that’s Giada she will sound like-a-...

October 29, 2023

oct 30 in poetry

A parody of LL Cool J’s “Mama Said Knock You Out” about Conan the Barbarian starting with the line “Don’t call it a Crom back / I’ve no tongue for prayers”. Sometimes the ancient gods would h...

October 27, 2023

oct 28 in idea barrages

Write a book called “How To Hunt Porch Pirates” so that people can order it from Amazon, leave it on their porches for the thieves so that when they open the stolen mail, they get the fear of G...

October 25, 2023

oct 26 in idea barrages

Why call it “drunken master fighting” when you can call it “brew-jitsu”? Gingivitis is actually an STD from going down on too many redheads. No, the WEIRDEST distant sequel to a Madonna fil...

When I was just a teen, back in the Nineties, video stores shadowed the firmaments, swarmed in great thundering waves, much as the buffalo teemed the American prairie before Columbus came along a...

October 23, 2023

oct 24 in idea barrages

Panera should totally take the name “Bread Broth and Beyond” now, before some venture capital company takes over Bed Bath and Beyond’s zombie IP to sue people for doing stuff like that. The m...

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