Public

idea barrages

by littlefallsmets

Entries 3,176

Page 1 of 128

3 hours ago

july 19

Move to Montana’s capital. Start a restaurant called “Helena’s Ham Basket”. It will be worth it, if only for the meme. This push to re-invent Martha Stewart as a feminist icon is so bizarre. ...


2 days ago

july 17

EMPATHCIZE! It’s like AEROBECIZE or JAZZERCIZE, except we just put on spandex and try our best to understand the feelings others. Scratch the surface of anyone laboring so hard to live a perf...


4 days ago

july 15

I will post every time I hear a person’s name that can be sang with the same rhythm as “Eleanor Rigby” and they’ll have to take this stupid phone outta my cold dead heads to stop me. An acous...


6 days ago

july 13

Don’t call it your “list of weird fetishes” call it your “boner fides”. In that one Steven Seagal movie “Under Siege” back when he was funny-bad instead of sad-bad and he played a Navy Seal/c...


July 10, 2024

july 11

Why say “that mentat is practically tattooed by the Juice of Sapho!” when you can say “that Thufir Hawat, he’s a real think-stained wretch!” A drag performer reads to children under 30 pounds...


July 08, 2024

july 9

I now want a story where Columbo is the man who sent Hannibal Lechter to prison and, like, Hannibal wasn’t even mad, he saw through Columbo’s playing-dumb act in the first two minutes he met hi...


July 06, 2024

july 7

A BEAUTIFUL MIND except it’s A BEAUTIFUL MID and he’s, like, just a little crazy and pretty good at math. My prison name would be Mitochrondria, of course, as I would be the powerhouse of the...


July 05, 2024

july 5

The Renaissance Faire may have made a mistake when they called their fashion competition a “Jerkin Off”. I’m by no means a prude about gambling but I kind of miss sports talk. Now that sports...


July 02, 2024

july 3

I often wonder why Americans call it “the eighth grade” Canadians call it “grade eight” and I guess Brits call it “eighth year”. They’re so close to each other, it’s all the same language more ...


June 30, 2024

july 1

It’s always been weird to me how most people imagine military faster-than-light space travel as being like an airplane or a sailing ship. I have to imagine it would feel so much more like a sub...


June 29, 2024

june 29

One thing you can do is press on your navel whenever you urinate, and pretend you’re actually some kind of cool weird dispenser machine instead of an animal that was born and will die. Add a li...


June 26, 2024

june 27

maybe Yoda wasn’t from a distinct species at all. maybe a halfling and a goblin loved each other very very much and… If bread is called “the staff of life”, is pizza called the ciiiiiiiiiiiii...


June 24, 2024

june 25

Mario and Luigi’s mother was named Mia, that’s why they go around yelling “Mama Mia!” al the time. Seriously, bill collectors and telemarketers both, if you call me and I answer the phone and...


June 22, 2024

june 23

I enjoy the weird confluence of how now all genre media is about terrible timelines and then we all go on social media and post about them on our own terrible timelines. Cinnamon Twists: the ...


June 20, 2024

june 21

Those who can, do. Those who can’t, teach. Those who can’t teach become entertainment executives. Has there been a jukebox-musical made out of Springsteen’s work called THE BRUCCICAL yet? A...


June 18, 2024

june 19

An Eric Clapton parody explaining the hierarchy of angels in Catholic mythology called “Tiers In Heaven”. The head canon that the warriors of Eternia aren’t wearing pants at all, they are jus...


June 16, 2024

june 17

If they wanna dip into Greco-Roman myth, Count Chocula and Frankenberry could always add a new monster cereal friend The Mintotaur. Game company: “we accidentally made the game too horny, we’...


June 14, 2024

june 15

When you consider that the Proud Boys are basically just Early To Mid Twentieth Century German Historical Reenactors, it is pretty funny that none of them would know what schadenfreude is, let ...


June 12, 2024

june 13

You would die if you tried to subsist solely on artificial sugars, all things being Equal. A parody of Stone Temple Pilot’s “Meatplow” about Ronald MacDonald, the Meatclown. A fusion of eve...


June 10, 2024

june 11

Things that work in a stylized anime setting sometimes look too bizarre/surreal when using real humans in live-action adaptations. The energy of ONE PIECE just looks unsettling w/ real faces ac...


June 08, 2024

june 9

No one has ever paid money to see a heckler, a referee, an owner or an entertainment executive. At least no one sane. I guess there’s weird cultists. But in general. Are there people who are ...


June 06, 2024

june 7

Why say “country doctor” when you can say “farmacist”? My brain keeps on mashing up that “Tell Me More, Tell Me More” song from GREASE with “Achy Breaky Heart” as if my mind is trying to puni...


June 04, 2024

june 5

For those of your obsessed with age limits in American politics, as if that’s someone one of the more pressing problems, just be careful what you wish for, that absolute record-setting moron Vi...


June 02, 2024

june 3

To this day, I still read “Cardi B” as “Car dib” when I first see it. Part of the difficulty of being a man in his early forties is that you’re shopping and there’s a 30 year old woman and he...


May 31, 2024

june 1

In the right font, “Shrek” looks like “Sarek” and so if you’re looking to create a new nerdy mash-up meme, you could do a lot worse than fusing Shrek with Spock’s dad. Communion wafers are a ...


Book Description

originally, I went to college to be a comedy writer
the urge to still generate short form ideas remains
I collect, once or twice a day, my one-liner jokes
and my germs of ideas that I litter on social media
into little collections I call “barrages”
and then I put them here
sometimes