Entries 3,222
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oct 20
Why say “pregnant despite chastity belt” when you could say “snatch-key kid”? That feeling of “why do I keep playing this video game when I’m so bad at it, why do I enjoy it anyway?” but...
oct 18
ABANDON METER, BECOME PROSE. Even though I don’t like eating candy corn, The Candy Corn Discourse is so heavy, it makes me WANT to like it. A non-alcoholic strip club called BOTTOMLE...
oct 16
We have put Circuit City and Hooters into the malfunctioning teleporter and they have fused into something called “Breast Buy”. Why say “wet nurse” when you could say “succor mom”? A...
oct 12
She talked about Victorian chimneysweeps so much, people started wondering if she had a soot fetish. Why call your enlarging mist “Pym particles” when you could call it “magnifying gas”?...
oct 10
She learned how to smoke from a nun and she’s been picking up bad habits ever since. Why say “Baba Yaga’s hut at rest” when you can say “house-sitting”? You never think the phrase “B...
oc 8
Don’t beat yourself up that you bought the wrong ice cream, we all have experienced Breyer’s Remorse. A Ghostbusters / Scooby-Doo crossover where part of the magic is that when the Buste...
oc 6
The other way to go with a parody of the Indigo Girls “Closer to Fine”, of course, is to make it about being closer to the Three Stooges’ Larry Fine. APPROXIMATORS! Roooooooound up! ...
oc 4
Ask your writer how often they think about Times New Roman. A combination of proto-goth and early rap called “Whose Haus? Bauhaus”. The best Simpsons / Batman crossover would involve...
oc 2
I fear I have realized that my particular style of classic rock parodies with really obscure references, that its genre is called “classic mock”. Some day we’ll all be dead & no one ...
sept 30
A great schism in guitar design was started by Martin Luthier. I love ads where they call one of the “side-effects” basically just… the pill not working and still having the symptoms. Li...
sept 28
If everyone could just say “that isn’t my thing but I’m glad you like it” about things like the Taylor Swift movie, the world would be like 83% better instantly. INSTANTLY. Okay, you win...
sept 26
You know what’d be a fun mash-up? “H.R. Gigerstuf”. In any line of DC Comics collectables, make the villain Gorilla Grodd the rarest, so that somewhere in the world you know someone will...
sept 25
An astonishingly dumb romantic comedy about two opposing campaign managers falling in love called “Pollster Opposites”. A zombie-themed crime fighter who always introduces himself before...
sept 23
What is the equal and opposite action to the Maillard reaction? Whatever it is, I’m sure it’s the basic of traditional British cookery. There is no possible reason to create a Buckcherry...
sept 21
What is the equal and opposite action to the Maillard reaction? Whatever it is, I’m sure it’s the basic of traditional British cookery. There is no possible reason to create a Buckcherry...
sept 19
You walk back into the room. There is a fresh pile of clothes suddenly laying in the middle of the carpet. Either you are about to be seduced or a lightsabre battle just ended. Either is pre...
sept 17
A version of “All Apologies” from the perspective of Moe from the Three Stooges, if only so that he can be screaming “LARRY!” over and over at the end. “I Can’t Get No Satisfaction” not ...
sept 15
Why say “venereal disease” when you can say “love-sickness”? Nintendo has lost so much money by being too prudish to market Legend of Zelda “It’s dangerous to go alone! Take this!” condo...
sept 13
Contractions often involve self-fulfilling apostrophes. A series of Halloween commercials for a bread and soup place starring Samuel L Jackson called “Snakes, Au Bon Pain”. An album ...
sept 11
Just because some company owns the intellectual property doesn’t mean it owns the way you can interpret it. Worry less about consuming a canon in a way that makes a company money, focus on w...
sept 9
“Ain’t no LAW says a dog can’t be wireless headphones!” is the perfect trailer line for EAR BUD. It goes without saying but. If you pronounce “girl boss” as “girlb oss”, it sounds li...
sept 7
They should call crochet meetings “hook-ups”. A mad zoologist takes to the high seas with a crew of primate pirates in PIECES OF APE. Is there anything stupider or more disingenuous ...
sept 5
A Billy Ray Cyrus parody about working in a library: “Can’t date the moms / Can’t date all those cute moms / I just don’t think I’d have a chance / No, I can’t date the moms / The patrons’ r...
sept 3
The Joker is literally the least interesting romantic partner for Harley Quinn. The cliched plot about trying to replace a missing pet with a nearly-identical pet before the kids find ou...
sept 1
Hell is people who think other people are hell. Are fishing magazine the main stream media? Talent at Instagram promotion should be called Instability. NFTs were Beanie Babies fo...
Book Description
originally, I went to college to be a comedy writer
the urge to still generate short form ideas remains
I collect, once or twice a day, my one-liner jokes
and my germs of ideas that I litter on social media
into little collections I call “barrages”
and then I put them here
sometimes
