Public

idea barrages

by littlefallsmets

Entries 2,277

Page 1 of 92

1 day ago

sept 18

Two weeks or so from now, a new Tulsa massacre, rednecks dying in respirators instead of burning down Black Wall Street. It will be poetic, of course, but I’d rather no one died, myself, not ev...


1 day ago

sept 17

When young, all you want to do is see the world burn for all its cruelty. When old, you see how righteous rage like that is where all the cruelty comes from and want to save the good remaining ...


3 days ago

sept 16

There are worse things to name your car than “Liam Nissan”. You know what’d be a really niche parody? Metallica’s “Harvester of Sorrow” about the manager at a Sbarro’s. When you first hear ...


3 days ago

sept 15

I like to think that in the aftermath of that “Do You Love Me Now I Can Dance” song, it turns out that she loves him even LESS now that he can dance because he’s such a damned show off about it...


5 days ago

sept 14

I despise guns but grew up in gun culture & pay attention: look at gun ads in magazines 30 years ago, they’re all some guy bringing in a duck, holding up the antlers of a buck. Now they all...


5 days ago

sept 13

Breyers Ice Cream and Lindt Chocolates should get together and do a flavour called “Breyers Lindt”. Your indie rock band will be called “The Abandoned Breadmakers”. Think about it. Every Amer...


7 days ago

sept 12

Why didn’t P. Diddy ever sell “Puff pastries”? An even more jank Long John Silvers, like a K-Mart Long John Silvers, an even worse pirate themed fish chain called Yaaaaaaarbys. A terrible n...


7 days ago

sept 11

Seeing Adam Sandler’s career devolve into terrible direct-to-video releases to give his old buddies jobs, maybe the Emperor should’a told him how his faith in his friends was his weakness not, ...


September 08, 2020

sept 10

The huge M.C. Escher hit “Can’t Navigate This”. A movie about how NASCAR drivers use adult diapers so they can keep turning left called PEED RACER. A cartoon about Goofy as a composer calle...


September 08, 2020

sept 9

Even now with three legs, Felix still puts in the work to try and show the world his butthole all the time for no good reason so, like, I guess that’s the sign of a healing cat. The irony of ...


September 06, 2020

sept 8

My student loans are 19 years old now, almost four times longer than the “Confederacy” lasted. That’s how short your “history not hate” that you defend so vehemently lasted yet I see no statues...


September 06, 2020

sept 7

When Tarantino says “TGIF!” it’s not that he’s looking forward to the weekend. He’s saying “Toes Go In First”. Run like hell. In founding Swordlandia, he didn’t have to renounce his identity ...


September 04, 2020

sept 6

A film about Sherlock while Watson is on vacation called HOLMES ALONE. Zeus throws Greeced lightning. Ned Flanders goes to Australia and plays the diddlydo. Dimension X did Krang the brai...


September 04, 2020

sept 5

If you think you’re being catfished but it turns out they’re actually the outlandish thing they said they were, I hope it’s called “dogfished”. It’d also be a great title for a story about a me...


September 02, 2020

sept 4

A grasshopper with absinthe swapped in called a Creme Demented. If Lady and the Tramp had a date at a sub shop instead, we could’ve totally made a joke about them being so in love that they f...


September 02, 2020

sept 3

Religion has all the good questions but nothing to back the answers up. Science has all the good answers but has a hell of a time applying them to the world in a way that’s humane. There is onl...


August 31, 2020

sept 2

A nude beach, shuttered for the plague, with a sign that says CLOTHED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE. If Princess Bubblegum was made out of candy, does that mean that many ADVENTURE TIME plots revolved...


August 31, 2020

sept 1

When I was a boy, my Dad was on city council. When he questioned why a town of 4500 spent so much on police, he was framed for selling liquor to a minor, charges only dropped when he promised n...


August 29, 2020

aug 31

Chuck E Cheese never had a fortune teller character named “Medium Pepperoni” and that’s why they can’t afford to have animatronics anymore. Animal feed differs from farm to farm. Your silage ...


August 29, 2020

aug 30

June 6th 1944, a world coalition of anti-fascists stormed Normandy’s shores, risking their lives against the guns’ roars, we can do it again, we have done it before. If nothing else, this pro...


August 27, 2020

aug 29

Someday, whenever Ric Flair passes away, will his ghost go “Wooooo!” like every other ghost or will part of his eternal reward be escape from his catchphrase? I’m still disappointed that FULL...


August 27, 2020

aug 28

If you combine three words with two & signs, that’s an ampersandwich. Everything going on in America right now, you’d think it was cursed because it was built on an ancient Native America...


August 25, 2020

aug 27

At this point, the best we can hope for is that when future civilizations/aliens pick through the ruins of our civilization and try to reconstruct our culture, they’ll confuse and conflate Forr...


August 25, 2020

aug 26

The sign “NO HORSEPLAY IN THE POOL” meant their hopes for a summer production of Equus were pre-emptively dashed. It is not entirely out of the realm of possibility that there used to be a mo...


August 23, 2020

aug 25

I like trying to convince people that “Chachi” is some other country’s word for “vagina” so they thought the show was about a lesbian named Joanie. Now I just wanna write a parody of Day-Oh a...


Book Description

originally, I went to college to be a comedy writer
the urge to still generate short form ideas remains
I collect, once or twice a day, my one-liner jokes
and my germs of ideas that I litter on social media
into little collections I call “barrages”
and then I put them here
sometimes