idea barrages

by littlefallsmets

Entries 3,177

Page 5 of 128

January 02, 2024


We didn’t call microwaves “Defrigerators” and I think that’s on the all of us. That’s an unforced error. We just weren’t thinking at the time. I hope the first legal marijuana shop in Maine i...

December 31, 2023

new year bonus barrage

Call all the extradimensional aid you want, that dragon’s still gonna make you into summoner sausage. Ant-Man and The Atom in a winner-take-all diminution derby. I think I’ll call my used m...

December 29, 2023


Red licorice is supposed to be strawberry. The most delicious fake strawberry Dow Chemicals’ wildest dreams could conceive. Cherry? Really? We didn’t crawl outta the muck into the trees and bac...

December 27, 2023


When the moon parachutes / right on up your own snoot / ParAmore Sometimes to be a good person, you gotta be bad at being a person. Shut off the “achieve, acquire, dominate” drive from our an...

December 25, 2023


When a Canadian gets frustrated, they will often say “well, that just bags my milk”. Has there been a stoner comedy about a feudal uprising called “SERFS UP” yet or is this world just perpetu...

December 23, 2023


Facebook puts really good looking people who you do not actually know into your “People You May Know” feed just to torment you. It doesn’t make you use Facebook more, though, it makes you want ...

December 21, 2023


Head-canon that they’re not called “Pokemon” because they’re “pocket monsters” but because they mutated from eating poke bowls filled with mutagens from Monstano. Where the sperm starts, wher...

December 19, 2023


Why has there never been a crossover between the video games COMMAND & CONQUER and CONKER’S BAD FUR DAY? It seems like a gimmie, you guys. There should be more wedding receptions where pe...

December 17, 2023


If you aim for the stars with the correct trajectory, you will quickly die in the frozen vacuum of space. If you aim for the stars and end up shooting the moon, you will quickly die in the froz...

December 15, 2023


If they tell you should smile more, turn around and run. If they naturally make you smile more, they’re the one, they’re the one. Having never seen Succession, I’m just assuming that’s the ma...

December 13, 2023


Basically, I’m just synthesizing like five memes here, but the solution to social media seems to be somehow monetizing the touching of grass. Why say “gunnery nunnery” when you could say “hol...

December 11, 2023


A Nintendo authorized whoopie-cushion called ZELDA: WIND FAKER. “LESS TEETH!” he howled “BUT NOT A TOTAL ABSENCE OF TEETH, EITHER!” The power of light rail as the driving technology of adve...

December 09, 2023


A musical moderate is like “I believe the way you work it is adequate, the same amount of diggity, the same amount of diggity”. “Replacing an arm and a leg? That must have cost you a student ...

December 07, 2023


The chestnut about travel being the great destroyer of prejudice because you see how everyone’s the same sadly isn’t universal. Fundamentally broken monsters like Trump or Musk or Columbus, the...

December 05, 2023


When a hipster cuts their finger, the only disinfectant they can abide is Retrosporin. Yeah, you get up early if you like worms. That’s weird, wanting to eat worms but you do you. I was not b...

December 03, 2023


You’ll know you’ve had the correct amount of coffee when “Powerhouse” and “Holiday for Strings” are mashing up in your head perfectly. This parody of Bush’s “Everything Zen” about Zed from...

December 01, 2023

dc 2

. In my pocket, I found a wadded up note, in my own barely comprehensible scrawl that simply said “Meme Wars of A Geisha”. I have no idea where I was going with it but, when you’re me, every few ...

You may be wondering why someone who has been alive for over seven-hundred years would be working in a cellphone customer service center, employ only slightly worse than mucking out the port-a-po...

November 29, 2023


Why call it “the Hershey highway” when you can call it “the bottom line”? It’s actually kind of inspiring how all those brain eating amoebas got together to invent and market the netti pot. ...

November 27, 2023


You remember when you walked out of a screening of THE PHANTOM MENACE & realized the auteur is a lie, singular genius is a lie, art comes from a combination of adversity, compromise & d...

November 26, 2023


There’s probably, right now, a dude in England who sleeps around a lot nicknamed Randy Travis who doesn’t even know that there was a mediocre country singer in America who came by the name hone...

November 23, 2023


Of course that conman on the History Channel thinks everything is aliens. He’s clearly one of the bird people from Babylon 5. A dating site where women can meet the emotionally-unavailable r...

November 21, 2023


“Aim for the moon, even if you fail, you’ll still hit the stars” feels like victim blaming. We should be able to aim for, like, just a little bit down the street and be okay. This culture of Ac...

November 19, 2023


Whenever someone shares a photo of one of their ancestors looking fine from the distant past, always reply “building a time machine so I can be your great / grand / mother / father”. It’s alway...

November 17, 2023


You shouldn’t feel guilty about the step-backs you need to make socially, to protect yourself, to maintain your energy. You can’t help everyone. If you wear down completely or you wreck your ow...

Book Description

originally, I went to college to be a comedy writer
the urge to still generate short form ideas remains
I collect, once or twice a day, my one-liner jokes
and my germs of ideas that I litter on social media
into little collections I call “barrages”
and then I put them here