Public

idea barrages

by littlefallsmets

Entries 2,233

Page 5 of 90

April 26, 2020

apr 28

David Icke is a washed-up soccer player who makes a living coating his virulent antisemitism with a thin coat of theories about shapeshifting lizard aliens. If he says it, there is your proof i...


April 25, 2020

apr 27

Drafted into the war between MacDonaldland and the Burger Kingdom, so desperate that civilian officials were up for the draft as well, he took up the rank of Major McCheese. I mean, I’m sure ...


April 25, 2020

apr 26

A parody of Tool’s “Sober” about eating soba noodles? Quarantine pick-up lines: “would you like to shelter-on-face?” LESS DIRECT MESSAGES, MORE DUNGEON MASTERS! As if we’re not suffering ...


April 22, 2020

apr 24

The emotional rollercoaster that’s the uncertainty of life in time of plague, man, I intellectually expected it but really-real ready for it, I was not. Everything, the fear, the little goods y...


April 21, 2020

apr 23

Give yourself credit just for making it through a day, these days. A redneck warlock who lives in a weird hut by the swamp called Bubba Yaga. In L.A. you avoid contact with people by traffi...


April 20, 2020

apr 22

Nah, a “My Sharona” riff about Corona virus, that’s easy level parody, that’s Local Morning Zoo level. Get you a man who sings “Covid Covid Covid Covid Chameleon” to himself in the shower. If...


April 19, 2020

apr 21

A single man walks up to the stage, steps behind the mic, says nothing, there is an awkward pause. Finally, he yells “SKA-VENGERS… SKA-SSEMBLE!” and twenty horn player appear behind him out of ...


April 18, 2020

apr 20

Television shows, even web shows, that are recorded in chunks and stripped daily or weekly are so weird right now. It’s like there’s this… delayed world behind us that hasn’t shut down yet that...


April 17, 2020

apr 19

I wonder if anyone ever said “I know, we’ll start a bar with a brass band every night and we’ll call it Horn Pub!” and then they had their heart broken when it was explained it would be forever...


April 16, 2020

apr 18

The destruction and mess in the wake of a big arts projects is called “the craftermath”. No, the nerdiest Ben Folds parody possible would be of “Jackson Cannery” and be about a lich’s phylact...


April 15, 2020

apr 17

The proper nickname for Bud Light is “Blight”. Store Brand Sugared Corn Flakes! Theeeeeeeeeey’re ADEQUATE! Isn’t cocaine tightly compressed to pass as a Christmas decoration really just blo...


April 14, 2020

apr 16

A giant sea-hawk that attacks and devours terrible pop-country acts called The Grand Ole Osprey. The dog in Garfield was only nicknamed “Odie”. His real name is “Olive Drab” a nod to his exte...


April 13, 2020

apr 15

If you had to create an erotic short story about the Sovereign Citizen movement, like, as a commission, I hope you at least give it the title LEGAL FRICTION. You know what would really cheer ...


April 12, 2020

apr 14

If what’s best is currently impossible but you continue to plow all your energy into pursuing what’s best to the exclusion of all else, you are wasting your gift of life and making things worse...


April 11, 2020

apr 13

We will sell soaps, lotions and burlesque supplies. We will be called BATH AND BAWDY WORKS. Being a Mets fan has given me a leg up in understanding American politics: you can never fall into ...


April 10, 2020

apr 12

If you want an economic stimulus after the virus passes, nothing would get money flowing than the cancellation of all student debt. Now, unlike some people, I know it would never happen, you’d ...


April 09, 2020

apr 11

Yes, I am singing a song about a particularly brutal vampire called “Vlad, Vlad Leroy Brown”. This is what we do during civilization’s collapse. No zombies to kill, just chillin’ inside, singin...


April 08, 2020

apr 10

House be burning down, the far right and far left be arguing over the definition of fire while the rest run for water. A man blinded to reality by hateful greed and a man blinded to reality b...


April 07, 2020

apr 9

“These Fig Newtons taste awful, like gun powder and K-Mart…” looks down, realizes they accidentally purchased Fig Nugents. Ain’t nobody wants to share your misery but they may wanna share you...


April 06, 2020

apr 8

Nearly any curse can be improved by introducing the adjective “lemon-scented” before it. They no longer want to be called “drill sergeants” they now prefer “personnel trainers”. In the mi...


April 05, 2020

apr 7

Don’t say “I haven’t had sex in years”. Say “I’m dry-aging my meat”. It sounds all classy cooking show host. Your sexy French Super Mario Brothers cosplay will be called Brigitte Birdo. May...


April 04, 2020

apr 6

Would a marijuana edibles baking competition be called a Cookie Chilloff? By mishandling the response to the Corona virus, leading to the cancellation of the March Madness tournament, Trump’s...


April 03, 2020

apr 5

Less misery cults, more mystery cults! I can see the forest, or any given tree, it’s all those imagined distinctions in-between, that are utterly lost on me. Political arguments aren’t Supe...


April 02, 2020

apr 4

Build a drum kit entirely out of Gatorade containers and perform as The Electrolyte Orchestra. Your musical about the behind-the-scenes drama behind a cooking show will be called PUREE FOR HO...


April 01, 2020

apr 3

So this year, I can say that I’m not going to the Saint Patricks Parade in Utica “because I’m afraid of the Corona virus” instead of stating the truth that I don’t care to freeze and then wade ...


Book Description

originally, I went to college to be a comedy writer
the urge to still generate short form ideas remains
I collect, once or twice a day, my one-liner jokes
and my germs of ideas that I litter on social media
into little collections I call “barrages”
and then I put them here
sometimes