idea barrages

by littlefallsmets

Entries 2,402

Page 2 of 97

December 27, 2020

dec 27

Sometimes I feel like faith’s a curse placed on the heads of woman and man, to blind us to the true wonder of this world by providing us with fantasies far more wild and grandiose than those ex...

December 23, 2020

dec 26

If you gotta say “I don’t mean it in a weird way” you know that you mean it in the WEIRDEST way. I’ve explained to so many gas station clerks what the lotto-quick-pick Super Pack is might as ...

December 23, 2020

dec 25

A story of a gnome paladin that rides Cerberus as a mount called “Three-Dog Knight”. Actually, the greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing folks that Bob Dylan wasn’t behind the e...

December 23, 2020

dec 24

They believe their money, their inherited wealth, makes them a different species, a next step in evolution, homo pecunia rising above mere homo sapiens. But it’s just shiny metal, paper in thei...

December 21, 2020

dec 23

While carving D&D miniatures out of soft wood, you sing to yourself “an orc is an orc of cork, of cork, and no one can talk to an orc of cork, though some would fork on speech to orcs, if t...

December 21, 2020

dec 22

A cult leader who forces his followers to workout to death called Gym Jones. I respect the Keurig machine for its tenacity in its endless requests for descaling and the water filter being cha...

December 21, 2020

dec 21

Even if you love the hell out of football, you have to admit it’s gross how in the middle of a plague, so many people are acting like “well, football’s back! everything’s normal again!” because...

December 17, 2020

dec 20

Cloning time, three more times for alcohol, so get those other mes two beers. Cloning time, one of me could go home while those two stay here. I KNOW WHERE TO GO TO GET SOME CLONES, I KNOW WHER...

December 17, 2020

dec 19

Yes, I was just rapping “I just don’t trust investments, no dividends, no dividends” what of it? Whenever “Ahhhh!” is used just in text, I don’t read it as “AAAH SCARY” I read it as “AAAH REF...

December 17, 2020

dec 18

The deaths by COVID-19, a health crisis nearly every other civilized nation handled at least twice as well, that body-count is currently around 70 times that of the September 11th attacks. And ...

December 15, 2020

dec 17

The problem with pointing out that Trump lied is that the people who voted for him don’t care. They think you lie to “win” and that’s fine. He bragged about his many rapes into a live mic and t...

December 15, 2020

dec 16

Every time I see a “SNAP-ON” sticker on the back of a truck with a little wrench as an act of performative masculinity by some dude with a pristine pick-up he never uses for work, only for show...

December 13, 2020

dec 15

A cafeteria for berserker vikings called The Flyagaric Munch-Room. A Mork and Mindy fan-fiction competition called NanooNanooWriMo. I hope that when the wreckage of our culture is found, th...

December 13, 2020

dec 14

There’s no easier way to set yourself up to be tricked & used & exploited than to allow yourself hatred. Give yourself over to hate, of anyone, of anything, and the conmen & preache...

December 13, 2020

dec 13

A reality show to be the next voice and puppeteer of ALF called PROJECT SHUMWAY. “Arrested for public urination” is such an ugly way to phrase it. Why not say you were “caught in a peed trap”...

December 10, 2020

dec 12

I feel like we are but one desperate cable-television series pitch cycle away from the spin-off 90 DAY DIVORCEE. B.Y. Jove! A British Commonwealth hero! B.Y. Jove is there! Less dehumidifie...

December 10, 2020

dec 11

They are not your usual orthopedic doctors. They like to say they’re the un-ortho docs. Not only is Train lame as hell but, worse, they called their wine “Drops of Jupiter” instead of making ...

December 10, 2020

dec 10

I sometimes forget that The Brothers Karamazov are a book and not a circus trapeze team. Until America treats slavery and the Confederacy with the seriousness and severity with which Germany ...

December 10, 2020

dec 9

Morning radio is now just strangers pretending to be 20 years younger, describing YouTube videos that trended a month ago. Play some music, Buzzsaw and the Chipmunk or whatever. Your Geograph...

December 06, 2020

dec 8

A world left to the zealots, zealots of any stripe, is a world that will quickly burn down. They don’t have the patience, they only care for the immediate enforcement of everything they believe...

December 06, 2020

dec 7

I hope in the new Mulan movie, the theme is the theme to the old He-Man cartoon except “Mu-LAN, Mu-LAN” instead of “He-MAN, He-MAN”. I like to believe that the Punky Brewster cartoon with the...

December 06, 2020

dec 6

If candy corn didn’t have the Halloween nostalgia connection, they would be cast off in the “ancient oddities from when people had to settle for terrible candy because the good stuff hadn’t bee...

December 03, 2020

dec 5

If you manage to kick Clay Aiken in the crotch, he is legally obligated to yell “OH MY AIKEN BALLS!” in the same way that if you manage to punch down onto a leprechaun’s hat, he is obligated to...

December 03, 2020

dec 4

I’m just sayin we could reboot Morganna the Kissing Bandit as Buffy the Umpire Slayer. I am “my first computer games were on a Commodore 64” years old. An Alice In Chains parody about the ...

December 03, 2020

dec 3

Your D&D team’s traveling stagecoach was sold to you by bird-man named Lee Aarakocra. If dogs get kennel cough, do they also get pounding headaches? I am not judging, simply being healt...

Book Description

originally, I went to college to be a comedy writer
the urge to still generate short form ideas remains
I collect, once or twice a day, my one-liner jokes
and my germs of ideas that I litter on social media
into little collections I call “barrages”
and then I put them here