Entries 3,180
Page 2 of 128
june 7
Why say “country doctor” when you can say “farmacist”? My brain keeps on mashing up that “Tell Me More, Tell Me More” song from GREASE with “Achy Breaky Heart” as if my mind is trying to puni...
june 5
For those of your obsessed with age limits in American politics, as if that’s someone one of the more pressing problems, just be careful what you wish for, that absolute record-setting moron Vi...
june 3
To this day, I still read “Cardi B” as “Car dib” when I first see it. Part of the difficulty of being a man in his early forties is that you’re shopping and there’s a 30 year old woman and he...
june 1
In the right font, “Shrek” looks like “Sarek” and so if you’re looking to create a new nerdy mash-up meme, you could do a lot worse than fusing Shrek with Spock’s dad. Communion wafers are a ...
may 30
A special detergent for washing blankets called “Oil of Duvet”. A medieval paladin Superman whose arch-nemesis is a bard named Lex Luthier. If only we could get the world to stop mistaking ...
may 28
I’ve accepted I’ll never be able to play a game that requires more unique inputs than a Sega Genesis paddle provides. I had terrible hand-to-eye coordination even before I was old, now I’m also...
may 26
I’m here to do two things, have sex and change the world, and I’m possessed of a frustratingly long refractory period. A comedy act called “Yakov Smirnov’s Grandson Jacob Smith” and you say t...
may 24
Frankenstein performed the first team-building exercise and we all saw how that all turned out. I like to think that Liam Neeson does all these all these awful low-budget geezer-teaser direct...
may 22
Ben Grimm gets kicked out of the Baxter Building and has to move in with Peter Parker, but needs to figure out how to do this without revealing to the world that Parker is also Spider-Man and t...
may 20
Are there stories about the Transylvania Colony in America, before it was divided between Kentucky and Tennessee, being the ACTUAL place vampires come from and they covered up their existence w...
may 18
I choose to believe the famous Rochester David Bowie mugshot was due to a fight after calling some food somewhere “garbage” and that’s how the Rochester Garbage Plate was named, as Bowie deserv...
may 16
You know, one shame I hadn’t felt yet was shame for being part of the same species that created the “The Fast and the Furious” film franchise. But it really is something to be ashamed of, even ...
may 14
Is the equivalent of “Easter-Christmas Catholic” “Solstice-Solstice Pagan”? Chalupacabra - The Bland Ground Beef Sucker. Art is a mirror. When people see what they don’t like, they are seei...
may 12
Utz: the only snack chip brand that is also one of the handful of sounds in rave music. I certainly can’t imagine Rob Thomas turning down the opportunity to get paid to promote an instant mas...
may 10
A Coverdale-Page cover band just called “Dale Page”. A parody of “All-Star” that opens with the lines “Rhett BUTLER once told me / the dude don’t wanna know me / said frankly, dear, he don’t ...
may 8
You have the right to say wherever the story starts and stops for you. Intellectual property law has become a farce and story canon, doubly so. It begins and ends where you need it to. Don’t ...
may 6
Your skeleton warrior will ride a zombie horse named Chivalry into battle. When asked how it got that name, your skeleman will simply say (however a skeleman talks, with no mouth or lungs, I’m ...
may 4
Everybody’s always talking about the life coaching of Tony Robbins but no one ever credits his mentor Tony Batmans. Mothman, but he’s there to teach children about the calendar and he’s calle...
may2
A reality show in Shrek 7 called “Porridge Wars”, probably. Bricklayers don’t die, they just throw in the trowel. It was the most expensive sushi you ever had, so you saved and froze one pi...
my 5,000th prosebox post
A Quentin Tarantino themed amusement park thing called “Mr. Toes’ Wild Ride.” Part of how you know SAVED BY THE BELL is just Zak from GOOD MORNING MISS BLISS having a narcissistic daydream i...
april 28
Always refer to the speed of an airport people mover as “terminal velocity”. Having to be on a low-carb diet can render you person-non-gratin. Walking through my hometown, noticing people ...
april 26
Sometimes I think I should sue Goldfish crackers because I’m the REAL snack who smiles back. The worst part about human life is that it ends but the best part is that it happens at all. How...
april 24
At the strap on factory, all jobs are entry level. To eat Micro Magic Microwave French Fries was to be living in the future. Perhaps the future died when we rejected those damned marvels, lea...
april 22
If we were meant to have hardwood floors, God or nature or evolution or whatever wouldn’t have given us feet designed perfectly for walking on lush fluffy grass with springy soil beneath, natur...
april 20
“Maybe we can lose these guys tailing us at the airport, there’s so much security there, they can’t make a scene without getting arrested.” “That’s brilliant! We’ll hide in plane sight!” Reme...
Book Description
originally, I went to college to be a comedy writer
the urge to still generate short form ideas remains
I collect, once or twice a day, my one-liner jokes
and my germs of ideas that I litter on social media
into little collections I call “barrages”
and then I put them here
sometimes
