Public

idea barrages

by littlefallsmets

Entries 2,035

Page 4 of 82

November 04, 2019

nov 6

A grand opening flier still up in a window for a business across town that’s already shut down. The window is for a shop that’s now closed too. Trumps America. If you say “fresh starts” 20 ti...


November 03, 2019

nov 5

I mean, maybe this IS my best life. Not rich, not famous, staying busy, doing good where I can for who I can, a sort of secular circuit rider trying to spread the word on loving yourself throug...


November 02, 2019

nov 4

A collection of poems that are responses to rejection letters called Dejection Letters. It seems my interview last week went well and I am starting another part-time job tomorrow. I am a very...


November 01, 2019

nov 3

Ghost summoning is really just visitation rites. Yes, Columbus Day is racist as hell toward Native Americans but, as a minor side-bar, it’s also racist against Italian-Americans because they ...


October 31, 2019

nov 2

Ah yes, throwing Namor the Submariner at the bad guys. The trident true approach. Your intentionally-mediocre Radiohead cover band will be called Adequate Computer. Usually, she uses a deep...


October 30, 2019

all hallows barrage

Sell a knock-off salad dressing called Randy Newman’s Own. Your talent baking rich eggy braided breads will land you in the challah fame. If anime superfans are called “weeaboos” are Ren Fe...


October 29, 2019

halloween barrage

An Alaskan rapper building a song around the line “I’M NOT A SLEDDER, I JUST MUSH A LOT!” Our lack of a horror movie called GOOD WILL HAUNTING concerns me. You always hear about outlaw coun...


October 28, 2019

oct 30

You will do bonkers psychedelic covers of classic country songs under the stage name “Hank Zappa”. The most Instagram food ever would be quinoa topped with edible glitter and called “Yas Quee...


October 27, 2019

oct 29

The introduction of botox didn’t make headlines. If you save an ornate cabinet from the thrift store, is that a salvation armoire? The forest was destroyed due to poplar demand. Chocolate...


October 26, 2019

oct 28

Dungeons and Dragons has a new wizard of Onomancy, the magic of true names, which is cool but I first read it as “Onanmancy” which would be… uh… a much more interesting way of conjuring. Your...


October 25, 2019

oct 27

Why say “this hangover gave me diarrhea” when you can instead say “I have fecal alcohol syndrome”? The phrase “mental health professional” is weird, I dunno. As if there is anything wrong wit...


October 24, 2019

oct 26

Maybe the REAL poorly-written sitcom fondly remembered only because people were sexually attracted to the cast was the FRIENDS we made along the way. Depressed Rorschach is all “YOU THINK I’M...


October 23, 2019

oct 25

My mental state today: what are all those cars doing in front of that church? Oh. Right. Church. If you spiritually identify as a woman’s shoe, are you a pump-kin? I am the kind of nerd who...


October 22, 2019

oct 24

A sequel to THE BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN about their rebellious daughter who wants to be a werewolf THE PRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN. Your series about a culinary detective will be called The Roquefort...


October 21, 2019

oct 23

Equestrians hate it when you call the stables “their horse house”. When the people who made Trump, who knew they were making Trump when they took their balls and went home after they didn’t c...


October 20, 2019

oct 22

You would certainly get your ass sued to Mars and back if you named your craft whiskey bar “Field of Drams” but that doesn’t mean it’s a bad idea. The fault is not in the stars, it is in our te...


October 19, 2019

oct 21

The way the silver packets would sometimes yield to the straw and sometimes repel it, at random, was entirely capricious but shortening it to Capri Sun was more marketable than Capricious Sun. ...


October 18, 2019

oct 20

I mean, yeah, I just realized that you could mash up LONG BLACK VEIL and COUNTRY ROADS really well. Naming your business “Forever 21” is a good way to call down the gods of irony and force yo...


October 18, 2019

oct 19

It’s October but don’t wake up Billy Joe Armstrong. If he wakes up, we might have to hear another Green Day album. Let him rest. Captain Picard’s weakness is pirates because he gets real sad ...


October 16, 2019

oct 18

When celebrating athletes drench each other in beers, is that brewkkake? I mean, yeah, I was singing to the tune of “Intergalactic Planetary” : “this Pokemon is legendary, legendary this Poke...


October 15, 2019

oct 17

It’s too bad the weather’s not good for an outdoor sale around here come Halloween, because a grave/yard sale would be kinda clever. My favourite thing in sports is when a “proven veteran” wh...


October 14, 2019

oct 16

What if Daft Punk end up being Scooby Doo villains? The idea that terrible chain pizza in one country will lead to terrible chain pizza in neighboring countries and therefore must be containe...


October 13, 2019

oct 15

A superhero team, one has mental powers, the other one is part bird, they’re called Gifted & Talon Ted. Step 1: Be smart enough to know you’re stupid. Step 2: Be smart enough to know eve...


October 12, 2019

oct 14

ASCII no questions, I’ll code you no lies. I wonder how long someone would get away with the pen name “Dustin LeVent” before everyone caught onto the dust in the wind joke. When you conside...


October 11, 2019

oct 13

Finding a piece of hay in a needle stack is even harder, even if you wear thick gloves. The radio station said it was “welcoming” Incubus to a local performance venue and I was like, really? ...


Book Description

originally, I went to college to be a comedy writer
the urge to still generate short form ideas remains
I collect, once or twice a day, my one-liner jokes
and my germs of ideas that I litter on social media
into little collections I call “barrages”
and then I put them here
sometimes