Public

idea barrages

by littlefallsmets

Entries 3,148

Page 4 of 126

December 25, 2023

dc26

When a Canadian gets frustrated, they will often say “well, that just bags my milk”. Has there been a stoner comedy about a feudal uprising called “SERFS UP” yet or is this world just perpetu...


December 23, 2023

dc24

Facebook puts really good looking people who you do not actually know into your “People You May Know” feed just to torment you. It doesn’t make you use Facebook more, though, it makes you want ...


December 21, 2023

dc22

Head-canon that they’re not called “Pokemon” because they’re “pocket monsters” but because they mutated from eating poke bowls filled with mutagens from Monstano. Where the sperm starts, wher...


December 19, 2023

dc20

Why has there never been a crossover between the video games COMMAND & CONQUER and CONKER’S BAD FUR DAY? It seems like a gimmie, you guys. There should be more wedding receptions where pe...


December 17, 2023

dc18

If you aim for the stars with the correct trajectory, you will quickly die in the frozen vacuum of space. If you aim for the stars and end up shooting the moon, you will quickly die in the froz...


December 15, 2023

dc16

If they tell you should smile more, turn around and run. If they naturally make you smile more, they’re the one, they’re the one. Having never seen Succession, I’m just assuming that’s the ma...


December 13, 2023

dc14

Basically, I’m just synthesizing like five memes here, but the solution to social media seems to be somehow monetizing the touching of grass. Why say “gunnery nunnery” when you could say “hol...


December 11, 2023

dc12

A Nintendo authorized whoopie-cushion called ZELDA: WIND FAKER. “LESS TEETH!” he howled “BUT NOT A TOTAL ABSENCE OF TEETH, EITHER!” The power of light rail as the driving technology of adve...


December 09, 2023

dc10

A musical moderate is like “I believe the way you work it is adequate, the same amount of diggity, the same amount of diggity”. “Replacing an arm and a leg? That must have cost you a student ...


December 07, 2023

dc8

The chestnut about travel being the great destroyer of prejudice because you see how everyone’s the same sadly isn’t universal. Fundamentally broken monsters like Trump or Musk or Columbus, the...


December 05, 2023

dc6

When a hipster cuts their finger, the only disinfectant they can abide is Retrosporin. Yeah, you get up early if you like worms. That’s weird, wanting to eat worms but you do you. I was not b...


December 03, 2023

dc4

You’ll know you’ve had the correct amount of coffee when “Powerhouse” and “Holiday for Strings” are mashing up in your head perfectly. This parody of Bush’s “Everything Zen” about Zed from...


December 01, 2023

dc 2

. In my pocket, I found a wadded up note, in my own barely comprehensible scrawl that simply said “Meme Wars of A Geisha”. I have no idea where I was going with it but, when you’re me, every few ...


You may be wondering why someone who has been alive for over seven-hundred years would be working in a cellphone customer service center, employ only slightly worse than mucking out the port-a-po...


November 29, 2023

nv30

Why call it “the Hershey highway” when you can call it “the bottom line”? It’s actually kind of inspiring how all those brain eating amoebas got together to invent and market the netti pot. ...


November 27, 2023

nv28

You remember when you walked out of a screening of THE PHANTOM MENACE & realized the auteur is a lie, singular genius is a lie, art comes from a combination of adversity, compromise & d...


November 26, 2023

nv26

There’s probably, right now, a dude in England who sleeps around a lot nicknamed Randy Travis who doesn’t even know that there was a mediocre country singer in America who came by the name hone...


November 23, 2023

nv24

Of course that conman on the History Channel thinks everything is aliens. He’s clearly one of the bird people from Babylon 5. A dating site where women can meet the emotionally-unavailable r...


November 21, 2023

nv22

“Aim for the moon, even if you fail, you’ll still hit the stars” feels like victim blaming. We should be able to aim for, like, just a little bit down the street and be okay. This culture of Ac...


November 19, 2023

nv20

Whenever someone shares a photo of one of their ancestors looking fine from the distant past, always reply “building a time machine so I can be your great / grand / mother / father”. It’s alway...


November 17, 2023

nv18

You shouldn’t feel guilty about the step-backs you need to make socially, to protect yourself, to maintain your energy. You can’t help everyone. If you wear down completely or you wreck your ow...


It shouldn’t be a beer, he thought, certainly not macro-brew swill from a third-rate Scottish label. It should’ve been a vodka martini, procured from only highest-shelf stocks, mixed to his pecu...


November 15, 2023

nv 16

In Soviet telephone company, party-line uses YOU. “The only preparation my generation had for 9/11 was Star Wars The Phantom Menace,” she asserted, “not in magnitude, but in a general sense o...


November 13, 2023

nv 14

A high-risk sort of stunt artist. An Easel Knievel, if you will. I fear most people would rather be rich & famous for rubbish than largely unheralded but doing good work. I fear it’s the ...


November 11, 2023

nv 12

A Beastie Boys parody about space garbagemen called “Intergalactic Sanitary”. LESS VIRTUAL REALITY, MORE VICTUAL REALITY. I like to imagine what New Bay Seasoning tasted like, when they bri...


Book Description

originally, I went to college to be a comedy writer
the urge to still generate short form ideas remains
I collect, once or twice a day, my one-liner jokes
and my germs of ideas that I litter on social media
into little collections I call “barrages”
and then I put them here
sometimes