Down the rabbit hole... ⋅ 35

I'm just me. I suck at relationships. I suck at picking people. I'm good with animals.

Entries 140

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4 days ago

I Shouldn't... in 2018

… but I really miss him. I haven’t actually spoken to him since before my surgery. So more than 4 weeks… same with texts… he never responded the night before surgery and I have refused to text hi...


January 09, 2018

Bad Mood... in 2018

I am just in a really bad mood today. I am so sick of work… And it’s not the work that’s the problem, it’s the people. Like I’m sick of a certain person wanting to micromanage everything and I’m...


January 04, 2018

M... in 2018

So since I’ve been back at work, M has been weirdly nice to me. He’s opened doors and carried things for me. When my ex hubby dropped me off the other morning, M was outside and just automaticall...


January 04, 2018

New Year... in Fresh Start...

I tried really hard to reread through my entries from the past year and get some perspective. I made it to the end of July and stopped because it just hurt too much to relive it. So yeah… this p...


December 22, 2017

Bleh... in Fresh Start...

So surgery… it wasn’t as bad as expected pain wise. I haven’t really been in pain so much as just uncomfortable. I’ve been stuck at my parents house longer than anticipated. For starters I don’t ...


December 08, 2017

Ugh... in Fresh Start...

So I just started this morning… And then I got a phone call saying my Dr can’t do the surgery on the 20th because his tech is out of town that week, so it got moved to the 14th. Fun… I kinda need...


December 06, 2017

2 Weeks... in Fresh Start...

I have 2 weeks until I have surgery… I’m kinda anxious and scared about how much pain I’ll be in. I’ve been talking to my ex bf recently. I’m so over him. Like I guess hugs and cuddles are nice ...


November 26, 2017

Just I Dunno... in Fresh Start...

It’s been a bit… I’ve been sick for over a week now… starting to feel better but can’t shake this cough… There have been a few random conversations with F but nothing of any real consequence. I m...


November 15, 2017

Mistake... in Fresh Start...

Last night was a total mistake. I was drunk and texted F and he actually responded so then I called him and at first it was ok… but it quickly escalated and ended with him mad and swearing and me...


November 15, 2017

Phone Call with F... in Fresh Start...

Just fml.. I would really like to not exist right now. My drunk self is going to regret this so hard tomorrow. Just fuck everything. I suck, I don’t matter at all, I’m worthless.


November 13, 2017

The Fuck... in Fresh Start...

My brain hurts y’all. Like a lot… So this afternoon at work I was basically propositioned for sex. And it really caught me off guard and from someone I really wasn’t expecting it to come from. H...


November 10, 2017

Let's Be Honest... in Fresh Start...

Just for a minute… Every night I go to sleep thinking about curling up in bed with F and how we just fit together perfectly… like puzzle pieces. It’s the only thing that gets me to sleep at night...


November 09, 2017

Living Alone... in Fresh Start...

I’m absolutely terrible at it. It makes me entirely miserable, but I wouldn’t want roommates to deal with either. I’m still missing F. I haven’t spoken to him really. I haven’t texted him. Kinda...


November 06, 2017

Kitteh... in Fresh Start...

Just a quick update on one of my cats… he had 2 strokes back in Augustish. I’ve had a time with him since. He has a rare blood disorder… his bone marrow makes too many rbcs and so his blood gets ...


November 06, 2017

Boys... in Fresh Start...

I watched a movie tonight called That Awkward Moment. I really enjoyed it. I think there are some guys who could benefit from watching it. Maybe then they’d realize that life isn’t all about gett...


November 06, 2017

Surgery... in Fresh Start...

So I had my follow up appointment post MRI… as suspected I have a hip larval tear and a pretty decent one. Basically there’s a ring of cartilage that serves as a gasket where your femur connects ...


October 31, 2017

Exhausted... in Fresh Start...

I’m sitting at work waiting for today to just be over already. I’m exhausted and sore. Last night me and my ex hubby cleaned out the goat barn. He basically shoveled it out and I swept up some, t...


October 28, 2017

Laying in bed... in Fresh Start...

I’m laying in bed. It’s cold, even with a blanket. Temp dropped yesterday. According to my phone it’s 41 outside currently. I took the dogs out this morning and fed the pigs then laid down again...


October 22, 2017

Sick... in Fresh Start...

Laying in bed sick. I don’t want to do anything. I was feeling a bit off on Friday and woke up Saturday morning feeling like hell. Haven’t done much… Talked to F on Friday because I had to beca...


October 19, 2017

Forgot to Mention... in Fresh Start...

Ok… this is probably tmi so fair warning… I was talking to J at work… I think it was one day last week… anyways, he starts talking about F and the bar slut. First, J refers to her as “swamp thing...


October 10, 2017

Not Sure Why... in Fresh Start...

I’m laying here crying and I’m not really sure why. I really miss him. I don’t even know why. We haven’t talked in weeks. He’s still screwing some bar slut. And I’m laying here alone, miserable, ...


October 07, 2017

What the Fuck? in Fresh Start...

Ok… had the ortho appt on Wednesday. They look up my MRI that I had done last year… tell me according to that I have a tear in the cartilage in my hip. First I’ve heard of it??? So now I have to ...


October 02, 2017

Might As Well... in Fresh Start...

Explain the other fucked up stuff. My ex bf from last year… the addict that I’d been with for 2.5 years. Keep in mind he wasn’t acting all full blown addict/alcoholic until the last like 6 month...


September 29, 2017

Daydreaming... in Fresh Start...

I’m still daydreaming… hoping that this will all go away and he’ll magically realize what he’s missing. I daydream that he talks to me at work and says he misses me and wants to try again. That h...


September 27, 2017

I Miss Him... in Fresh Start...

Terribly… I miss being curled up in bed. I miss him holding me and kissing my forehead. I miss showering together. I miss how sweet he was to my animals. And him sitting at the counter eating bre...


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