Dreams... in 2020

I took today off and stayed in bed til nearly 11. I was hurting a lot and having weird dreams. Some of it involved M from work. It was intimate but not sexual if that makes sense. And in part of it we were just laying in bed and I was holding my puppy on my chest while he just held and stroked my hand. Of course I’m referring to my puppy that I had to let go last year at nearly 15.

Then later I turned the TV on and House was on and it was the episodes where House is in a bus crash and eventually remembers Amber was on the bus and eventually figures out what is wrong with her but there’s nothing they can do but wake her up and let her die. I bawled my eyes out. I think I’m just hormonal and having an emotional day but some days I just miss her so much. And I realize that I’m never going to have anyone or anything that I’ll have that bond with.

I have so much I need to do, but all I want to do is sleep.