Glitter and Trauma ⋅ 39

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I’m off work sick with a migraine. Honestly, it’s like the migraine that just keeps on giving. I’m at the point where I don’t know if the migraleve is making me feel worse because of the codeine ...


You guys, I’ve hit my target weight! Totally unexpectedly, given that I’d had a few gin and tonics last night while sat in the sun. But there it was, 81.3kg on the scale this morning! We see our...


May 24, 2017

Dark days in In other news

M has been found dead. I think it’s the news we were all expecting, but dreading. I didn’t know him personally, but he’s a good friend of my sister’s and her group of friends. How do you begin t...


I don’t even know what to say about the terrorist attack on Manchester last night. It’s 45 minutes from home, I’ve been in that arena I don’t know how many times over the years, from my first gig...


May 14, 2017

Slow Torture in In other news

These night shifts are a slow kind of torture. Sleeping in the day has become even more of an issue, according to the fit bit yesterday I got 2hrs 54minutes. I’m 4 hours off finishing my final ni...


I ran today. My knee is fucked. I had to hobble 2 miles home. I hate that I’m pushing myself too hard I hate that I’ve been greedy and self indulgent to the point that this is an issue I hate ...


May 09, 2017

It never rains in In other news

I’m not gonna lie, I’ve been feeling pretty crappy and down lately. I’m sleeping terribly, I’m having a lot of headaches, I’m exhausted all the time. Then to top it off yesterday, I called into ...


An ex colleague is 20 weeks pregnant. She posted on Facebook yesterday about feeling fat and how the body she worked so hard for is being ruined, and how she can’t wait to get back to the gym. I...


That is my overwhelming emotion lately. Night shifts AGAIN. These have been particularly torturous, long nights pleading with a dementia lady to stay in bed so she doesn’t fall. Long nights of c...


You guys, I don’t even know where to start. I feel bereft and so so angry right now. After my hycosy last month meaning clear and open tubes, and with joey having done dry January and his sperm ...


April 14, 2017

Today we run in Eyes on the prize

This morning I ran 3.5km. Not bad for a first run in about a year, especially since I did actually run about 3k of it too and only walked from one lamppost to the next for a quick breather after ...


I’ve had a good almost 48 hours to contemplate what the consultant said about losing more weight. Yes I feel like it’s unfair. I feel like I’ve been kicked while I’m down. I feel like my weight ...


We had our meeting with the consultant today. Essentially he’s very nice but has basically told me I need to lose another stone in weight to qualify for NHS funding. That’s in addition to the 10l...


Had my hycosy today. Or HSG test if you prefer. Wasn’t as bad as I thought. A bit of a pinching pain as they passed the catheter through my cervix, a bit of pressure as they injected the dye, and...


I don’t know if they have this in the U.S. Apparently one child is born every minute in the UK. This programme that’s on right now is based in Liverpool Women’s Hospital. That’s my hospital. Th...


March 28, 2017

Pain in In other news

My back is in complete spasm. I’m lying here literally rooted to the bed unable to move. I’ve a long standing history of back problems. Thanks to spending half my lifetime caring for people, and...


‘Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I’ll try again tomorrow’. I just saw this, and how apt it is today. A day in work, not with my...


March 25, 2017

Mother's Day in In other news

Tomorrow is Mother’s Day in the uk. I’m working so I’m seeing Mum today. To be fair I see her most days I’m off work, I’m so lucky that we’re close, we’ve never really argued. The odd tiff that w...


I’m an open person. I think since I’ve spent my life looking after people, performing deeply personal tasks and asking deeply personal questions, I’ve come to the realisation that I can only ask ...


I want to eat everything in sight today. Bad bad combo of hangover and period. I’m making a pretty big dent on everything we have in the house. Even the chocolates that have been sat there since ...


Firstly, I have to thank you all for your notes on my last entry. They were very much appreciated. I’m still feeling a bit of emotional aftershock from yesterday I think. It was definitely the m...


March 10, 2017

Ugly crying face in In other news

Today was the most heart breaking day. I had to send a patient home to die, he’s 46. He has a wife and two young children, like primary school age. He’s always handled his disease with so much di...


So I had my blood test. It was for a repeat prolactin, apparently it came back ‘slightly elevated’. I didn’t get a good look at the exact numbers, although I wish I had. Raised prolactin could b...


And so it begins. Had my blood tests on Saturday, as directed. Received a letter yesterday to say I need some repeating. Would be helpful if I could remember what she’d even ordered for me! I kno...


We had our meeting with the fertility specialist nurse yesterday. Basically a million questions about our health, a lot of invasive questions about our sex life, and lining up a load of tests. I ...


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