Entries 15

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I haven’t updated in forever - maybe one day I’ll be able to write without staring with that! Maybe I should start with a trigger warning - this entry is about my work in palliative care. Work ha...

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I’ve heard so many times lately that I’m so brave. That the fact I get up and out is brave. Having a 3 year old will do that to you. You don’t have the choice to just lie in bed when you’ve got ...

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We met with the celebrant on Wednesday and planned Mum’s funeral. We’re happy with the decisions we’ve made and the order of service and everything. The celebrant is lovely, the same age as mum, ...

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I’ve always felt a bit trite saying ‘sorry for your loss’ but now I realise, it’s perfect really. It is a loss, a loss so deep, it’s a void that will never be filled. Her death is a massive loss...

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And then, she was gone. Peacefully and quickly, with no pain or distress. My dad and brother were chatting quietly at her bedside, checking her every few minutes. One time they checked she was ...

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It does make me laugh, and also a little bit proud, that in the midst of all that’s going on right now, the junior staff are still asking me for advice and coming for a little chat about their pr...

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I’ve watched a lot of people die over the last 20 years. Most likely hundreds, although I don’t keep count. When your career has been in elder care, then cancer and palliative care, it racks up p...

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What a couple of days. Christmas was as nice as it could have been under the circumstances, we did the running round in the morning, V and I opened her presents in our house, she had time to pla...

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I’d written a whole entry. And it’s deleted itself. I’m furious. I had poured my heart out. Feels better to have got it out, even if it didn’t save 🤦🏼‍♀️ I’ll come back later and give you all t...

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Who do you talk to about all the little things that are entirely insignificant? I know for most people it would be a partner but I’ve spent so much time on my own, or with a partner who didn’t ca...

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Mum is dying. They’re still continuing antibiotics, for god knows what reason. She’s been on antibiotics in one form or another since August and it’s done nothing for her except keep infection a...

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Have you ever sat and watched your loved one die a slow and terrible death? That’s what it feels like some days, with my mum. When the consultant told her her MDS had relapsed and her transplant...

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I realise I haven’t updated since I don’t even know when. Mum had her diagnosis of secondary MDS in August last year. She had her bone marrow transplant on New Years Eve (honestly the most harro...

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If I’m allowed to just keep my head down and plod on, I’m fine. If anything out of routine/plan occurs, I find I have very limited patience and a very short threshold for crying unexpectedly. I f...

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I didn’t think I’d have to write this entry. I can’t remember if I wrote the first time my mum had cancer. She was diagnosed with Acute Promyelocitic Leukaemia (APML) in March 2011. She was livi...

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