Slow Torture in In other news

These night shifts are a slow kind of torture. Sleeping in the day has become even more of an issue, according to the fit bit yesterday I got 2hrs 54minutes. I’m 4 hours off finishing my final night for a few weeks and I’m tired to the point where I’m worried about being dangerous and the thought of having to drive home in the morning is filling me with dread. I don’t know how I’m going to handover, I can feel my eyes rolling in their sockets even now.

I had all good intentions to go to the shops on the way home for a few bits, fruit and veg, dog food. As it happens we have enough dog food for tomorrow, so I’ll probably just come home and get straight into bed for a few hours. I can go shopping in the afternoon or even on Tuesday.

My Mum is back from her holiday so she said she’ll call in today around lunchtime, it would be nice to have had a little snooze and feel a little refreshed. Then I can wash the bed sheets in the afternoon and have nice clean sheets for bedtime tonight. That’s literally my favourite thing about finishing nights, lounging in the day knowing there’s no pressure to try to get a good sleep, and knowing that come the time I’d usually be putting my uniform on, I can put my clean pjs on and slip into bed, with no rush to get up tomorrow morning or be anywhere.

I don’t know what’s happened to me. Sometimes a stretch of nights is no bother at all, barely notice you’re doing them. These last two weeks, I feel like someone’s been torturing me. At least I haven’t cried this time which is always a possibility when I’m knackered, am due my period and have 4 nights that end on a Monday morning. Psychologically that just does something to me, them running into the next week.

Anyway, I feel like all I’ve done lately is be a whiny little bitch, and I can only apologise. I’m not usually so woe is me down in the doldrums but I suppose it’s inevitable when you’re the person who always smiles regardless of what’s eating you inside, you’re bound to crash sooner or later, the brave face inevitably crumbles. Life just feels really fucking hard right now. Hopefully being back to days, being able to get back to running and swimming, getting rid of the bloating and water retention that comes with nights, will make me feel better. I know there’s no routine with shift work, especially as mine are random, but at least I have some semblance of a life on days and I can actually get things done. Nights make me feel like I’m just barely existing from one shift to the next.

xx